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Trials of the Plumped Princesses!

A Super Mario Bros. WG Fanfic

Part 1 - A Double-Dose of Abudction

     From above, Delfino Plaza on a day like this looked like a veritable melting pot of the Mushroom World. Its famous weekly marketplace drew crowds from across the globe, everything from Goombas to Boos mixing with the native Pianta and Noki populations in staggering numbers. It was almost impossible to pick out an individual in the teeming horde of window-shoppers, bargain hunters, hagglers, lollygaggers, and other types too numerous to mention.

     Almost impossible, that is. But it was quite possible for one pair of eyes, watching from a shady spot on the rooftops, to follow a pink-and-yellow blob through the crowd of multicolored blobs, noticing with dark delight that it and a similarly shaped orange-and-brown blob were on an apparent collision course.

     This was going to be even easier than planned.

     Even in a mixed crowd like the one in Delfino Market, Princess Peach stood out like an orchid in a bouquet, a lighter, summery version of her trademark pink dress draped across her slender frame. She could feel the collective gaze of passers-by as they noticed her, and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair, giggling to herself as she attracted a few oohs and aahs.

     "Really, Princess, is that any way to behave?" Toadsworth coughed meaningfully to emphasize his point. "I would think it beneath the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom to flirt with the locals, even if she is on vacation..." The two Toad guards accompanying them nervously tried to maintain their decorum, in the way underlings do when they hope to the Overthere that a tiff isn't breaking out between two people who are both technically in charge.

     Peach would have argued the opposite, that a princess on vacation could be as playful as she wanted, but she was in far too good a mood to be too cross with her prime minister. She just smiled and said "Oh, do settle down, would you, Toadsworth? I'd have to cover up completely to avoid standing out in a crowd, and it's a bit too hot out for that."

     "I still believe a little discretion is advisable. You remember the last time we visited Delfino Island, and you fell right into another of Bowser's schemes to get his claws on you?"

     "Yes, and that's why Mario and Luigi have spent the last few days sweeping this island from peak to valley. So far, they've found no trace of Bowser or his Koopa Troop! I'm sure we'll be enjoying a nice, peaceful vacation for once."

     "I do hope you're right, Princess Peach..."

     There came a cry from across the square, "Peachy? No way! Fancy meeting you here!" and a figure squeezed her way through the crowd. It was rather similar to Peach, but slightly shorter, slightly more tanned, and with  orange-brown hair and a yellow-orange dress. A pair of Desert Toad guards raced to keep up with the sporty princess.

     "Daisy! It's a small world after all!" The two princesses were drawn almost magnetically to each other, where they shared a friendly embrace. "How are things?"

     "Far, far too quiet in Sarasaland! There hasn't been any excitement since Mario had to save me from Tatanga."

     "Well, be careful what you wish for," said Peach with a giggle. "One of these days, Bowser might get tired of kidnapping me and go after you instead!"

     "I do wish you wouldn't joke about such things, Princess..." said Toadsworth with a weary sigh. He bowed politely to Daisy, adding "How do you do, Princess Daisy? I see you're enjoying the market as much as we are."

     "Oh, yes! This place has so much neat stuff! I've had to send some guards back to the hotel room with all the souvenirs I've picked up, at least twice now!"

     "Oh, me too! I can't seem to help myself, the market has such a selection..." The two princesses chattered away as they wandered the marketplace, pointing out interesting trinkets, tasty-looking foods, and cute outfits while their respective entourages tagged along somewhat wearily.

     Across the way, a stocky Koopa seated at a sidewalk cafe watched them depart, and muttered into an ear-piece communicator, "Gardener One, this is Beekeeper Four. The bees are in the garden, and it won't be long before they find the flowers."

     "Excellent," came the reply over the communicator. "Bumblebee One will be waiting for you to bring them back to the hive. Begin Operation Queen Bee. Gardener One out!"

     It was often said that one could find almost anything they could want or need in the Delfino Marketplace: clothes, furniture, antiques, souvenirs, magic charms, plot devices, and even romance (that last one according to some of the laughably bad 'beach reading' sold in the local book stores, anyway).  Naturally, the marketplace had an extensive collection of food stalls and small eateries for customers to fuel themselves during prolonged shopping sprees, or in which to relax afterward. It was through this section that Peach, Daisy, and their followers wandered, attempting to answer the age-old question of where to eat.

     "Just a quick snack, perhaps..." said Peach. "Something sweet, but light."

     "No shortage of sweets here," said Daisy, glancing at the plethora of stands offering baked goods, frozen delights, or fresh fruit concoctions, all of which were rather crowded. "But good luck getting service. Every place seems to be packed!"

     "Not that one, Princess Daisy," said a Desert Toad, gesturing slightly with his spear. Sure enough, there was a smallish, dark blue tent with only a few customers milling about outside, quite unlike its neighbors which were crowded to overflowing with hungry customers. One reason it might not have been so crowded was the foreboding atmosphere the tent gave off: it looked more like the sort of tent which sold cursed magical artifacts rather than pastries, like the frosted white one being enjoyed by a Pianta fellow leaving the shop.

     "I don't know," said Peach, "it looks a little... off." As she passed the tent, she caught a whiff of its wares, and it was all she could do to avoid drooling, "But it smells heavenly! I suppose a quick peek inside couldn't hurt..." Peach scurried over into the tent, followed closely by Daisy, who had also picked up the scent of fresh-baked pastry dough and wore a look of delighted anticipation on her face.

"Wait for me, Peach! I gotta see what these people are selling that smells so good!"

     "Princess Peach! Princess Daisy! Wait for us!" shouted Toadsworth, the guards following behind. "I can't say I like the looks of that place..."

     The inside of the tent was only slightly more inviting than the outside, being dimly lit by a brass lantern hanging from the ceiling. Despite the tropical heat outside, the tent was surprisingly cool inside. A few staff members, dressed all in white robes, were milling around behind a wooden counter, stacking and arranging trays of pastries.

     "Um... hello?" was all it took from Peach to get the attention of one of the staff, a grinning mouth the only thing visible from beneath the hood.

     "Welcome, welcome!" chirped the hooded figure. As far as anyone could tell, the figure was male, with a raspy, slightly nasal voice that could put listeners in mind of a used-car salesman. "Am I addressing the illustrious and beautiful Princesses Peach and Daisy?"

     "Er, yes!" said Peach.

     "That's us!" added Daisy, a little off-put by the salesman's forward flattery. "We wanted to take a look at your wares..."

     "Ah! Say no more!" Still grinning, the salesman pulled a tray of cream puffs off a nearby counter and proudly offered them to the princesses. "I'll do you one better! Have a sample, on the house!"

     "Oh, I appreciate the offer," said Peach, "but we can certainly afford to pay..."

     "No, no, I insist!" said the salesman, grinning wider and pushing the tray towards Peach. "It's the least I can do for two such important figures!"

     "Hold on one second!" said Toadsworth, his voice dripping with suspicion as he pushed his way to the front. "I'll take one of those, if you don't mind..."

     "Help yourself, old man! There's plenty for everyone!" said the salesman as Toadsworth grabbed a cream puff and took a tentative bite.

     The old Toad thoughtfully chewed and swallowed, his stern expression softening a bit. "Seems harmless enough," he said, taking a bigger bite, at which he managed a grin. "In fact, it's quite good! I daresay these are safe..."

     "That's all I needed to hear!" said Daisy, reaching out and grabbing three pastries, one for each of her guards and one for herself, which she eagerly bit into. She gave a delighted squeal as her mouth filled with sweet, flaky pastry and rich, creamy filling. "Oh, this is delicious!" she said, wolfing down the pastry with gusto.

     Peach and her guards nodded assent as they consumed their own cream puffs. "Mmm, yes! The dough is just light enough, and the filling isn't too sweet... these are some of the best cream puffs I've ever had!"

     "I suppose I owe you an apology, good sir," said Toadsworth as he finished his puff. "I'm rather wary for the Princess's safety, and I thought for a moment you had slipped something dangerous into these pastries..."

     The salesman flashed a nervous grin and said, "Oh, I assure you sir, the pastries are quite harmless..."

     In the blink of an eye, a small black ball had dropped from the sleeve of his robe and onto the floor, where it cracked open and released clouds of choking blue smoke. As the Toads and the princesses gasped for air and felt themselves growing dizzy and tired, he added "But when the 'secret ingredient' mixes with this smoke bomb, not so much."

     "You...  you gasp blaggart!" shouted Toadsworth, on his hands and knees, "The Mario Brothers choke wheeze will get you for cough this!"

     "Oh, we'd expect no less of them!" said the salesman with an evil grin, as his victims fell unconscious to the floor. As the smoke slowly cleared, he spoke into a hidden communicator. "The bees took to the flowers, and we have them in the net! Bumblebee One, we will meet you in the square, over!"

     "No sign of the princess, bro!" said Mario as he scanned the crowd in Delfino Plaza, standing on tiptoe atop a bench to get a better view of the plaza.

     "Well, keep lookin', Mario. I got a bad feeling all of a sudden..." said Luigi, who had an easier time getting a good view than his shorter brother did.

     "Eh, she's only a few minutes late! She probably just got caught up in all the hustle and bustle. What's to worry about? We've combed this island top to bottom, and didn't find hide nor scale of the Koopas!"

     There was a sudden cry from the far side of the Market, and Luigi said, "Well, sounds like someone's causing trouble. Look!"

     Mario turned to see a helicopter swooping in from over the horizon. The bone-white craft was decorated with a stylized and rather intimidating boar's head, and flew menacingly towards the square.

     "Holy cannelloni! Who the heck are those guys?"

     "I dunno," said Luigi, "But they look like trouble to me!"

     "They're not the only ones!" shouted Mario, pointing lower and to the right. "The good news is I spotted the princess, and the bad news is those guys have her!"

     Indeed, a hulking hooded figure clad in white robes with red trim was pushing its way through the crowd, the unconscious figure of Princess Peach slung over his shoulder. A similar second figure followed shortly behind, with a similar figure.

     "Leapin' lasagna! Is that Daisy?!" cried Luigi.

     "Enough with the questions, let's go!" said Mario, springing into action, and over the heads of some of the crowd, Luigi following as best he could. The brothers made their way over, around, and through the panicking crowds, and made it to the scene of the commotion just in time to see a Pianta policeman get cold-cocked by one of the hooded brutes.

     "And where do you guys think you're goin'?" said Mario, brandishing his trusty hammer. One of the brutes, the one toting Daisy, turned to face him, and pulled back his hood to reveal an almost comically small pig's head, made rather more fearsome by the small but sharp tusks and the malevolent scowl.

     Luigi startled, and almost dropped his own hammer, but rallied magnificently. "Y-yeah! You porcine princess purloiners are in a heap of trouble!"

     "Not as much as you are!" said a sinister voice from behind. Luigi whirled around, and was promptly clocked in the face by a smaller hooded figure wielding a hammer.

     "Luigi! You alright?" Mario rushed to the side of his dazed brother.

     "I'm good for the rest of the inning, coach..." muttered Luigi, struggling for consciousness. The hooded figure threw off its cloak to reveal a small, pig-faced creature that was grinning evilly.

     "So, you two are the famous Mario Brothers? It's a pleasure to meet you. Now back off! The princesses are coming with us!"

     "Yeah, you and what army?" said Mario. This was answered by the emergence of five more hammer-wielding porcines from assorted hiding spots nearby, to the shock of the nervously watching crowd.

     "Mario," said Luigi, now fully conscious and wishing he wasn't, "You really gotta be careful about opening that big yap of yours!"

     The hammer-pigs lept, as the hulking pigs pushed their way to the center of the square, where the approaching helicopter soon came to a stop, hovering overhead and opening its cargo bay.

     "Peach! Daisy! Hang on!" shouted Mario, dodging and parrying the rain of blows from his immediate opponents and striking back fiercely, knocking one hammer-pig into the sea and another into a tree. Luigi, meanwhile, staggered back under a hail of blows, but managed to find an opening and swing wildly, sending the pigs scattering. The brothers ran after the kidnappers, only to be tackled by a pair of oversized Koopas who had emerged from the crowd.

     "Sorry, Bros, but the boss told us to stop at nothin' from getting the girls to his place!" said one of the portly turtles, as the brothers struggled under the weight.

     "Yeah? Try stoppin' this!" shouted Mario, as he heaved with all his might and managed to tip over the Koopa goon. A furious shove send the Koopa atop Luigi tumbling, and the two brothers struggled once more after the kidnappers.

     Suddenly, the two boars were in the air, leaping with surprising agility into the open cargo bay door of the helicopter and waving dismissively to the Mario Brothers as the door closed up again.

     "Oh no! We're too late!" wailed Luigi, as the copter took off over the sea, and was soon well out of reach.

     "Maybe not," said Mario, pointing to a piece of paper drifting to the ground, "Looks like they dropped something!" He snatched the paper out of the air, and looked it over.

     "Hmm, 'Queen Bees from Delfino to Crabbe OO/OX'... that's today! And isn't there a Crabbe Island a couple miles away from here?"

     "We'd better get there fast! Who knows what these guys have in store for Peach and Daisy?"

     As the Mario Brothers set out to find passage to Crabbe Island, an agent watching from the rooftop grinned to himself, and contacted his superiors. "Gardener One, this is Beekeeper One. The soldiers are off chasing the flies! Bumblebee One is on its way back to base!"

     "Excellent, Beekeeper One! You and any remaining Beekeepers return to base for Phase 2 of  Operation Queen Bee! Over and out!"