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She paused in her stride and thought about it.

Did she really think death would be better?
Sure, her life wasn't the best, and her health was now down the tubes, but would she really choose death over everything she has?

When one thinks about it, death is such a simple idea. You live and then die, easy as that. But it leaves the living in chaos, everything you had to worry about was now on someone else’s shoulders.
When one dies, where do they go?

She knew her biggest fear was dying and waking up in a new life, knowing nothing of her life here and now. Where would she go?
Would she feel the way she did now? Like she would keel over any second, her heart beating so fast that she should be in cardiac arrest. Nervous, jittery, eating being a problem. She knew she wasn't anorexic per se, she just had a problem with actually getting the food down. If someone asked her if she liked food, her answer would be 'Hell yes!'.

And then the whole 'You're messed up in the head' bullshit. Would everyone still think she was crazy? She knew she wasn't crazy either, and after living with her father, that was a hue feat. She had anger issues, yes she knew that, and her mind functioned differently. One person thought something and her mind was off in it's own world. The only good that came from her life with him was her ability to think of a comeback in 2 seconds flat and sarcasm as her defense mechanism. Although one would say the sarcasm wasn't the best, it kept her safe.

She knew it was weird the way she could be stuck with needles and swallow pills, (though she wasn't partial to the pills), and not even flinch, but someone tapping her shoulder scared her beyond belief. And her tolerance of blood and gore. People couldn't sit through the Saw movies and she was the only one laughing in the theatre when the actors were being killed.

But when one thinks of young death, it's normal to assume suicide. Did she ever think of suicide? Of course, but never did she dream of actually committing it. She spent most of her time as it was watching her loved ones die, why make them go through it with her? She knew it was an easier way out, but that was it. A way out.
Who needed a way out in life?
Why do something so horrendous, leaving the ones that do love you wondering what they could have done to stop you. Suicide led only to more death, be it your own of someone else.

Her own tears had been shed.
Her Mother.
Her best friend.
Her Lover.

It would never stop, because that's all death is. Ever reoccurring.
She turned her head slightly, and stared at the woman across the street, remember what her Father had said in the car the other day.

'She had a healthy five year old daughter, going into the emergency room for the flu. Never did it occur to her that she may leave without her. Until it happened.'

Tragic, yes.
Of course, it only leads back to the original thought.
Was life really worth the pain, suffering and tragedy?
At this point in her life, her only answer was yes.

Because who can't be curious at what is at the tunnel end.