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Description
Some random short bits of colourful creative nonsense…

"After exuberantly weaving a merry life affirming lust for the chaotic and absurd amongst the warp and weft of the everpresent modern day malignant attitudes of decadence and nihilism.  Nigel raided the downstairs cupboard for chocolate cookies."

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"After experiencing the uniquely visceral succulence of the first eyeball, the raven set to work pecking at the other. Humanity was gone, but one, and the world was rapidly becoming a much darker place for Mr Eugene Dawnchrist as the general anaesthetic slowly lost its effect."

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"Fire! Fire! You feeble gastronomists!  Over the castle walls! Your elite superobesity is our only hope against the starving minions that would have our chocolate, protect our nation, loose your stomachs for god the king and Gluttonia"

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'Why not fire your Protourinarry Lazer at the pigeon sat on the roof next door from old Mrs Doubty's bungalow' said young Hubert.  'Make it so' said Captain Picard to commander Warf, and tossed him a fresh salmon, which he munched down alive in three bites.

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"Magic unicorn faeces is very scarce these days, mainly due to unicorns being for the most part almost entirely none existent fictional creatures, with the single exception of the one that my great uncle Ceasar made with his dog Barbarella, some superglue, and an ice cream cone.  But I guess that doesn't count really, more of a 'Doggiecorn' anyhow I suppose, Muttcorn? Bitchycorn? Unidog? Unihound? Anyway its rare, real rare, but that's what we need if we're gonna summon the big Funky munga monger from the depths of  Oogalooga."

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Three angry chipmunks sat toasting marshmallows by the campfire.
'I hate squirrels' said Alvin.
'Yeah, bunch of nut pinching bastards' Said Simon.
'I'm gunna get a shotgun and take em all out' said Theodore.
'Oh Theodore, shotguns are way too big for chipmunks, and anyway your little paws are too small to work one, not to mention the recoil issue' said Alvin.
'Screw that, were talking aren't we, and toasting marshmallows by the fire, Eh, Eh! Ever herd of average chipmunks doing that before? I'm off to get a gun and blow the f##kers away, and plausible reality in works of fiction can't stop me, aint that right Dave?'.
'Whoose Dave?' Said Alvin and Simon in unison.
'Daves the guy writing this shit.'
'Ehh, what, have you gone mad Theodore?' said Alvin.
'Nope, watch this…' said Theodore.
'Hey Dave Can I have a shotgun chipmunk size and blow the squirrels away in this story? said Theodore.
'Hi Theodore! Hi guys! Sure you can Theo, sounds great to me, in fact, how would you like a chipmunk sized bazooka and some grenades too?' Said Dave.
'Ohhh yeah! that would be sweet, cheers Dave.' said Theodore.
'No problem chaps, here you go, one each, have fun, I'll make the squirrels pop up over there in a sec, all the best, bye!' Said Dave.
'Jeez, that Dave is cool, hey Theodore, you think he could fix us all up with some chipmunk chicks?' Said Alvin.
'Nah he's pretty useless with girls, best not push it.' Said Theodore.
'Lock and load!'

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Into this uncomfortable world of screams and joy, I entered. Some people say that things mostly out of our own control shape our lives, events, decisions, blah blah, cause and effect, actions and consequences, you get the idea, screw mysticism and superstition, I've got enough problems without inventing a few. What I'm talking about is reality, yes, reality, cold and hard. Randy. Of all names why oh why did my parents call me Randy, I'm not even American, Randy, Randy, Randy, oh the pains I've suffered over the years due to that simple decision, it might however not have been quite so bad were it not for my rather spiffing surname. Buttwarbler, yes sir! Randy Buttwarbler, you got it! Spelling? Yes that's it, B U T T W A R B L E R, Yes it is an unusual name sir, har har har hAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Yup, Randy T. Buttwarbler. That's me, Randy T, and a bucket of shoulder chips to go.

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Porky pig went out for a cig
And stumbled upon a body
He gave it a kick, A shove and a flick
And then he drove off in his lorry.

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Bing! Stop Bing! Stop Stop, Bing! Stop Bing! Bing! Stop.
Lemon.

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Rodney Gordon Flowerman-Z

Died 1982, After eating some dodgy out of date tinned
mandarin oranges.

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'Sir!  It's time to wake the biomechanical turtle extractor' Said Boris to Captain Porridge
'Why don't we just eat a Bovril sandwich tonight Boris?'
replied the Captain
'I'm no cannibal sir!' exclaimed Boris
'Oh wake the bloody machine then!  But I want no part in it, that thing disgusts me!'
'Aye aye Captain! Shall I flagellate the camel while Mickey
salts the liquorice as usual?'
'Aye as you wish, just make sure you lick all the peanuts
first'
'Aye Captain, Right away sir!

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Mr Brown sat alone in his shed making chutney, he liked the
way it slipped and slided chunk by chunk shiney and brown between his hands,
and ahh, the smell! Glorious!  The one thing Mr Brown did better than anyone else was make chutney.

His wife said his chutney was crap.

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Gangsta

Warehouse. Late. 3 Men. Somewhere. A Voice.  Listen. Listen. Listen…

'I have always had a difficulty being understood.  Since my childhood I have struggled to convey to others clearly my meaning and intent.  Perhaps, I thought once, I speak another language?  That's why I hired Bob.  Bob here is my translator.
Bob, would you translate this for Mr Williams please.'
'I - DON'T  - TOLERATE - FALIURE!'
'Good bye Mr Williams.'

Screams. Screams. Silence. Footsteps. Fading. Fading. Fading…

Description
Some random short bits of colourful creative nonsense…

"After exuberantly weaving a merry life affirming lust for the chaotic and absurd amongst the warp and weft of the everpresent modern day malignant attitudes of decadence and nihilism.  Nigel raided the downstairs cupboard for chocolate cookies."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"After experiencing the uniquely visceral succulence of the first eyeball, the raven set to work pecking at the other. Humanity was gone, but one, and the world was rapidly becoming a much darker place for Mr Eugene Dawnchrist as the general anaesthetic slowly lost its effect."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fire! Fire! You feeble gastronomists!  Over the castle walls! Your elite superobesity is our only hope against the starving minions that would have our chocolate, protect our nation, loose your stomachs for god the king and Gluttonia"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Why not fire your Protourinarry Lazer at the pigeon sat on the roof next door from old Mrs Doubty's bungalow' said young Hubert.  'Make it so' said Captain Picard to commander Warf, and tossed him a fresh salmon, which he munched down alive in three bites.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Magic unicorn faeces is very scarce these days, mainly due to unicorns being for the most part almost entirely none existent fictional creatures, with the single exception of the one that my great uncle Ceasar made with his dog Barbarella, some superglue, and an ice cream cone.  But I guess that doesn't count really, more of a 'Doggiecorn' anyhow I suppose, Muttcorn? Bitchycorn? Unidog? Unihound? Anyway its rare, real rare, but that's what we need if we're gonna summon the big Funky munga monger from the depths of  Oogalooga."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three angry chipmunks sat toasting marshmallows by the campfire.
'I hate squirrels' said Alvin.
'Yeah, bunch of nut pinching bastards' Said Simon.
'I'm gunna get a shotgun and take em all out' said Theodore.
'Oh Theodore, shotguns are way too big for chipmunks, and anyway your little paws are too small to work one, not to mention the recoil issue' said Alvin.
'Screw that, were talking aren't we, and toasting marshmallows by the fire, Eh, Eh! Ever herd of average chipmunks doing that before? I'm off to get a gun and blow the f##kers away, and plausible reality in works of fiction can't stop me, aint that right Dave?'.
'Whoose Dave?' Said Alvin and Simon in unison.
'Daves the guy writing this shit.'
'Ehh, what, have you gone mad Theodore?' said Alvin.
'Nope, watch this…' said Theodore.
'Hey Dave Can I have a shotgun chipmunk size and blow the squirrels away in this story? said Theodore.
'Hi Theodore! Hi guys! Sure you can Theo, sounds great to me, in fact, how would you like a chipmunk sized bazooka and some grenades too?' Said Dave.
'Ohhh yeah! that would be sweet, cheers Dave.' said Theodore.
'No problem chaps, here you go, one each, have fun, I'll make the squirrels pop up over there in a sec, all the best, bye!' Said Dave.
'Jeez, that Dave is cool, hey Theodore, you think he could fix us all up with some chipmunk chicks?' Said Alvin.
'Nah he's pretty useless with girls, best not push it.' Said Theodore.
'Lock and load!'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Into this uncomfortable world of screams and joy, I entered. Some people say that things mostly out of our own control shape our lives, events, decisions, blah blah, cause and effect, actions and consequences, you get the idea, screw mysticism and superstition, I've got enough problems without inventing a few. What I'm talking about is reality, yes, reality, cold and hard. Randy. Of all names why oh why did my parents call me Randy, I'm not even American, Randy, Randy, Randy, oh the pains I've suffered over the years due to that simple decision, it might however not have been quite so bad were it not for my rather spiffing surname. Buttwarbler, yes sir! Randy Buttwarbler, you got it! Spelling? Yes that's it, B U T T W A R B L E R, Yes it is an unusual name sir, har har har hAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Yup, Randy T. Buttwarbler. That's me, Randy T, and a bucket of shoulder chips to go.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Porky pig went out for a cig
And stumbled upon a body
He gave it a kick, A shove and a flick
And then he drove off in his lorry.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bing! Stop Bing! Stop Stop, Bing! Stop Bing! Bing! Stop.
Lemon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rodney Gordon Flowerman-Z

Died 1982, After eating some dodgy out of date tinned
mandarin oranges.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Sir!  It's time to wake the biomechanical turtle extractor' Said Boris to Captain Porridge
'Why don't we just eat a Bovril sandwich tonight Boris?'
replied the Captain
'I'm no cannibal sir!' exclaimed Boris
'Oh wake the bloody machine then!  But I want no part in it, that thing disgusts me!'
'Aye aye Captain! Shall I flagellate the camel while Mickey
salts the liquorice as usual?'
'Aye as you wish, just make sure you lick all the peanuts
first'
'Aye Captain, Right away sir!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Brown sat alone in his shed making chutney, he liked the
way it slipped and slided chunk by chunk shiney and brown between his hands,
and ahh, the smell! Glorious!  The one thing Mr Brown did better than anyone else was make chutney.

His wife said his chutney was crap.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gangsta

Warehouse. Late. 3 Men. Somewhere. A Voice.  Listen. Listen. Listen…

'I have always had a difficulty being understood.  Since my childhood I have struggled to convey to others clearly my meaning and intent.  Perhaps, I thought once, I speak another language?  That's why I hired Bob.  Bob here is my translator.
Bob, would you translate this for Mr Williams please.'
'I - DON'T  - TOLERATE - FALIURE!'
'Good bye Mr Williams.'

Screams. Screams. Silence. Footsteps. Fading. Fading. Fading…