HOME | DD

Description
Trying illustrations again, legit illustrations.

YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO READ THIS: I JUST WANT TO RECORD MY THOUGHTS AND PUT THEM SOMEWHERE 8I
Officially, I gave up on trying to log back into my account. It's in dA's hands now- not feeling too confident thinking that but who knows?

Anywho, it was a gorgeous day today and I went to central park. It's still dead- spring hasn't started but it sure does feel like it! Listening to Somewhere Only we Know by Keane (NO LONGER A SAD SONG. YES PROGRESS) and this resulted~ As I typed- trying illustrations again. It sucks though, I still haven't gotten used to being here. Being someone other than elixirxsczjx13. I think it's just the amount of messages. As I checked my messages on this account- My mom's Itouch logged me as Elixirxsczjx13 and seeing 1,300 comments, 3,000 faves and 5 notes- I felt relived. Of course, i couldn't do anything like reply or whatever. But, hate to admit it- I got used to having immense piles of messages :\ In my drawings now, digitally mainly, I rush. I finish drawings in a few hours and yes, that's great. But it's horrible. I FEEL as if it's horrible. I feel like I am putting no effort in my work anymore. Being too sensitive? Nah, just can't go from being a deviant for 4 years to being a deviant for a week. I'm trying to not rush in my work anymore. I feel like I lost a good portion of the skills I developed when I was Elixirxsczjx13. I had that confidence and drive to keep drawing and reach 1,000 deviations! One amazing piece after the other. That kept me going. Now, having a mere 16 deviations on my account, I feel like I'm in the middle of getting my account back. I feel that way- with that hope of one day logging back in, forgetting this account and going back to being Elixirxsczjx13. Granted, I did have breakdowns in my old account- moments when I wanted to deactivate and just forget dA. But I always realized it wasn't worth it. I tried to digi. paint Benson- and didn't like it at ALL. I keep rushing and can't control myself in not doing so. I tried sketching out 4 things today- and all got deleted.

Tradtionally, I am doing fine XD My traditional skills have improved! I'm not saying "GETMEMOREPOPULARNGHHG", nothing against my watchers. I feel honored and appreciate those who are relived to find me xD This whole problem is not making me mature or learn from my mistakes :c Not at all. I keep ranting about it because I have really become a dAddict. 2 weeks? 2 WEEKS? NOT EVEN DURING VACATION, DO I EVER NOT LOG IN FOR 2 WEEKS.

OKAY END RAMBLES.

I guess this fits with the previous park pic. Probably- WHERE POPS WAS BEHIND THAT TREE. THAT IS THIS TREE. And idk he convinced Bens to JOIN HIM IN THE MERRIMENT OF WHAT IS THE PARK and now they be chillin'

in the most beautiful of ways 8'C

Description
Trying illustrations again, legit illustrations.

YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO READ THIS: I JUST WANT TO RECORD MY THOUGHTS AND PUT THEM SOMEWHERE 8I
Officially, I gave up on trying to log back into my account. It's in dA's hands now- not feeling too confident thinking that but who knows?

Anywho, it was a gorgeous day today and I went to central park. It's still dead- spring hasn't started but it sure does feel like it! Listening to Somewhere Only we Know by Keane (NO LONGER A SAD SONG. YES PROGRESS) and this resulted~ As I typed- trying illustrations again. It sucks though, I still haven't gotten used to being here. Being someone other than elixirxsczjx13. I think it's just the amount of messages. As I checked my messages on this account- My mom's Itouch logged me as Elixirxsczjx13 and seeing 1,300 comments, 3,000 faves and 5 notes- I felt relived. Of course, i couldn't do anything like reply or whatever. But, hate to admit it- I got used to having immense piles of messages :\ In my drawings now, digitally mainly, I rush. I finish drawings in a few hours and yes, that's great. But it's horrible. I FEEL as if it's horrible. I feel like I am putting no effort in my work anymore. Being too sensitive? Nah, just can't go from being a deviant for 4 years to being a deviant for a week. I'm trying to not rush in my work anymore. I feel like I lost a good portion of the skills I developed when I was Elixirxsczjx13. I had that confidence and drive to keep drawing and reach 1,000 deviations! One amazing piece after the other. That kept me going. Now, having a mere 16 deviations on my account, I feel like I'm in the middle of getting my account back. I feel that way- with that hope of one day logging back in, forgetting this account and going back to being Elixirxsczjx13. Granted, I did have breakdowns in my old account- moments when I wanted to deactivate and just forget dA. But I always realized it wasn't worth it. I tried to digi. paint Benson- and didn't like it at ALL. I keep rushing and can't control myself in not doing so. I tried sketching out 4 things today- and all got deleted.

Tradtionally, I am doing fine XD My traditional skills have improved! I'm not saying "GETMEMOREPOPULARNGHHG", nothing against my watchers. I feel honored and appreciate those who are relived to find me xD This whole problem is not making me mature or learn from my mistakes :c Not at all. I keep ranting about it because I have really become a dAddict. 2 weeks? 2 WEEKS? NOT EVEN DURING VACATION, DO I EVER NOT LOG IN FOR 2 WEEKS.

OKAY END RAMBLES.

I guess this fits with the previous park pic. Probably- WHERE POPS WAS BEHIND THAT TREE. THAT IS THIS TREE. And idk he convinced Bens to JOIN HIM IN THE MERRIMENT OF WHAT IS THE PARK and now they be chillin'

in the most beautiful of ways 8'C