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i almost did something i shouldn't have.
i almost uttered three words that could have changed everything.

i think my mouth became unhinged when it knew that i was about to wreck this friendship, this sharing of some not so mutual feelings between the two of us. three words can change everything indefinitely, for better or for worse and i have a feeling that my life would have started spiralling downwards if my mouth had uttered that phrase.

but i've already tripped over your outstretched leg, and fallen head over heels for you. there was nothing i could have done to have possibly seen this coming, but i'm still blaming it on myself. maybe if i hadn't had added you on that social networking site, maybe if i hadn't had responded to your message and gotten to know you better, maybe if i hadn't had agreed to take you out on the town that starry friday night, we wouldn't be here right now.

i wouldn't be sitting here, considering cheating on my boyfriend with you. i wouldn't be staying up all hours of the night sneaking time on my computer to talk to you. i wouldn't be crying my eyes out every night from knowing how wrong this all is.

and yet, if i hadn't have met you, would i really have been able to feel? feel love drip from your tongue like honey, feel your hands caress my hips with a degree of gentleness i may never have known? you may be the boy my parents warned me about, but you're mad about me.

except i'm a mental patient who's deluded herself into believing that all of this somehow makes sense in the perfect world, having two boys at my beck and call, and i need a doctor. paging doctor perfect, are you there? i need a cure now, i can feel this madness leeching into my brain with every passing second.

help me.