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Description
I've produced this digital painting over a drawing which I made in October 29th, for the INKtober challenge
(following the "official prompt", the 29th day's theme was "united". The 28th's was "fall". Intentionally or by chance, this drawing mixed up both themes)
If you'd like to see all my 31+ drawings from October:

visit my portfolio
And also follow me on:

BEHANCE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TUMBLR

This illustration features two OCs from my current story project (" IXIPTLA"): The 16 years old William M. and Alica Kozlovskaya, in a scene from a story arc that takes place in June/July 2011

William M. is a teenager native from a metropolitan area in Brazil's southeastern region, who has, years before, attained the power to transform himself into a super-fast CUETZPALIN ("Lizard" in nahuatl, in this series, a species of humanoid reptiles from the outlandish realm of AZTLÁN), for some time, thanks to the symbiotic link he maintained with the Tonalcoatl (a step in a Cuetzpalin's life cycle, in which it's a snake or larvae-like creature able to live symbiotically with other vertebrate hosts, creating a telepathic link with them and allowing them to transform into a Cuetzpalin in their own account) of an older Cuetzpalin, Montezuma Xocoyotzin (the late 15th Century Mexican ruler, from the time of the downfall of the Mexica Confederation, a.k.a "Aztec Empire") - whom he found, by chance, during a trip into the Amazon Rainforest, somewhere in Brazil's northern region. Not only this new powers changed his life, they've also changed William's world view. Finally with the power to make a real difference to the lives of billions of sentient non-human animals currently suffering due to destructive practices, industry, overpopulation, consumption and so on, he decided to use his new form and powers to invade slaughterhouses, farms, fur farms, animal breeding, testing centers, and either sabotage them, to collect the animals and transport them to sanctuaries, and in some cases, even fighting security and employees. Needless to say, under his new identity, William has become a target to worldwide, public/private, official-non-official, military/bounty hunter forces, but also an inspiration for a decaying movement which spent the last years insisting on fruitless, peaceful ways of addressing deep problems. More than that, though, the rise of a super-fast lizard-man and footage assuring his existence have also contributed to the rise of public outcries and conspiracy theories concerning alien life, hybridization, and other bogus which he had no control over. This young anarchist cared nothing for the negative public attention, as long as it helped to alleviate the breeding and suffering of more sentient animals, and ultimately, to break the bad business of corrupt figures which pretty much ran his country, and had all the people working their lives for their luxury. This young anarchist, however, is also an individualist, who cared little for "the people", aware that their appeal to a collective mind, and to collective needs, always trampled upon individual needs and minds like his own, or those of sentient animals whose voices weren't taken in consideration. With time, this lone wolf fighting for animal liberation came to see that this struggle had a conflict of interests with other so-called "progressive struggles" - environment conservation, social equality, cultural preservation and so on. Several groups, more or less organized in those parameters, have became enemies of his as much as the conservative governments and capitalist monopolies did. BTW, the lizard-man adopted the identity of CUETZPALIN PAYNAL ("fast lizard" in nahuatl, named after the messenger or ixiptla "impersonator" of Huitzilopochtli, the God of War and patron of Mexico) during his actions, inspired by Montezuma's own accounts of a very different past from what William learned in the history books - including the existence of many more Cuetzpalin in the past, a struggle between the Mexica and Inca, and other non-human civilizations struggling for power - and ultimately keeping in mind William's own goals of destroying not only the material misery and wealth, but also the imaginary of "globalization", "modernity" and "western civilization". From August 8th 2008 to almost three years later, much has changed: many hidden powers have been exposed by Paynal's actions, other non-human masterminds have surfaced, gods have been challenged, he's finally made some allies, and struggle got global once again. Under the guise of Necoc Yaotl ("enemy of both sides" in nahuatl, a title for Tezcatlipoca, a trickster god), an informal band of anarchist friends and arsonists, Paynal has delivered quite a blow to the powers that be, including the christian churches that still exist in this ignorant world, and that decided, with support from the State(s) - both conservative and liberals -, to launch 21st century's Inquisition. It was in Russia that William met Alica, and " their story together" began.

Alica Kozlovskaya is a 16 years old girl from Brest, Belarus (close to its' border with Poland), who by accident has made a pact with the entity known as Baphomet (whose original form is the Philosopher's Stone of alchemy), in October 2009. This pact earned her some awesome powers, albeit hard to control - including telekinesis, necromancy and teleportation. Initially unable to understand the source or nature of her powers, she struggled hard to practice her new witchcraft away from her public life. That's when she started to be chased by undead spies on a daily basis, revealing to her the existence of the Baphomet, who has called to her an aid for help - according to the Baphomet, it was in a dormant state, trapped in the philosopher's stone, held by a secret organization of dark sorcerers hid within the bureaucracy of Belarusian and Russian states, remnant from the Soviet times. The stone's location was later revealed to be a secret military base in the town of Kaliningrad. With her current lack of understanding of her own powers, though, she knew that stepping in there, following the calling of a telepathic demon was a suicide mission, so she waited to improve her abilities, and to search for other people who could help her. That's when she met the intelligent undead Schwarze Ritter ("Black Knights"), a band of robin hood-esque knights, witches, medieval people skilled in combat who have survived to this age via covenants with the Baphomet entity, before the philosopher's stone/baphomet had been taken by soviet authorities after the second world war, when Königsberg became Kaliningrad (the Schwarze Ritter also fought and opposed Nazi Germany, before they disintegrated, and some members followed to Poland, Russia, Lithuania and other places in the Baltic Sea). Two of the Schwarze Ritter from the time that Black Death ravaged Eurasia: Drachensohn, a german (from a fief near Mecklenburg) farmer-turned-knight-turned-thief and Sorginak, a Basque witch who escaped the spanish Inquisition, have met Alica and introduced her to the world of magic, in return, hoping that she'd help them find other of the Black Knights who had also made the covenant. She learned the powers of the covenant came at a terrible price: whenever the philosopher's stone was activated and the Baphomet awaken, all people who made the pact would fall into a state of unconsciousness until the stone was deactivated/frozen again. The Baphomet feeds through the magic used by each people of its' coven, and for that reason the Baphomet usually exchanges people of the coven for new ones - because a society of witchcraft practitioners can't exist, only a little more than a dozen people can forge a pact, and even if they do - in the proccess, attaining immortality - they're likely to fight each other, for new members of the coven to rise. What happened throughout history is that, since Baphomet's first awakening by Nicholas Flamel, in 1130, on the town of Twangste, secret societies of sorcerers have sought the entity and the stone, and once possessing it, have created bureaucracies to control its' access, in some cases creating a specialized squad of soldiers powered by the stone's pact, and keeping a group of researchers nearby, also to secure the stone in their hands. It happened with the Baphomet Covenant before the Black Knights, the Black Knights themselves, and then the Black Knights' secret enemies, the Palarokhian Order - which evolved into a cell of the intergalactic Saqraruna Organization, on Earth present mainly in South America, Japan and the former Soviet Union. The current owners of the stone are the inheritors of a secret military program that still has links to the Belarusian and Russian governments, and oversees the creation and control of a special squad of super-soldiers, who in turn control their own squads of undead units. They keep the Baphomet under control and awake it whenever they need, in some occasions, trying to pin-point the location of other people who have made the pact, and who aren't part of their squads (what means, Alica and the Black Knights). On such occasions, they dispatch their units to kill them and in doing so open space for new recruits. The lives of the Black Knights, in the last decades, has been pretty much running from the Soviet authorities, and Alica has just got into their lifestyle by chance. It's not the first time, though, that the government has deeply affected her life in negative ways: other people she knew have been senselessly murdered by public security officers, who hace accused them as terrorists for merely exposing history and points of view which questioned the authority, or even the necessity of government and bureaucracy. Eventually, the remaining Black Knights have been gathered by Alica, who has been travelling across Europe (from germany to Russia, crossing the Baltic and other "Slavic" lands), and together they planned to infiltrate and recover the philosopher's stone. With that in hands, she would finally start to be the master of her own fate. It was during this time, rhoughly a year after first manifesting her powers, that she met William, at the time, still also known as the Cuetzpalin Paynal, who was introduced to the Black Knights by other allies of his.

TOGETHER WE FALL
Needless to say, being enemies of a State, a church and a corporation just wasn't enough for these two. Their lives became so dangerous, their power so great, that they (or rather their other identities - "Paynal" and "the Black Knight") became enemies of social order itself. That meant, they were targeted by the Teutonic Knights, a death squad turned into a semi-official security force, the Inquisitorial Offices, the Belarusian and Russian armed forces, the EU, the UN and NATO. From behind, though, they were just young folks trying to live their lives, and to keep their awe for living balanced with the perils of standing up and figthing for the things worth - freedom for all sentient beings, something that can't be bought or dealt. Eventually, William started to spend more time in Eastern Europe than before, in the proccess also helping his long-time allies Triton (an anarchist from Greece who also has the ability to transform into a super-powered non-human specimen, as well as controlling water and the seas) and Dazbog (a neo-pagan arsonist blessed with the power of fire by the Slavic Gods, his pan-slavic ideas sometimes clash, but sometimes match anarchist principles. Unlike William, Alica or the Triton, he's not vegan), but also getting closer to Alica, and meeting her as someone more than "a fellow soldier/warrior/rebel/militant". They shared some interests, though not mutually as deep, in a variety of stuff ranging from world views, study subjects, areas of knowledge, consumable entertainment, music, culture, art, etc. William couldn't hold on, and let himself fall in love with Alica, a love he didn't tell her for a while, aware that it wasn't mutual, even though he pretended that given time and some more meetings, given chance, it "would become". The time they spent would, at best, make them friends, and their mutual need for survival amidst the chaos, could help or damage that. William didn't want to be affected so deeply by this feeling, however, other changes of life potencialized those effects: In April/June 2011, he learned that despite he had got rid of the symbiotic Tonalcoatl of Moctezuma Xocoyotzin and still kept the power to become a Cuetzpalin, it was a matter of time before he could become unable to return to his human form, if he overused the transformative ability. If that happened in the first year he earned the power, he knew his decision, he'd rather be a super-fast lizard than a human fated to work, consume and die. But now, he couldn't help but romanticize his relation with Alica, to dream of a life he'd not remotely seek years ago, and that apparently would never be. Yet, during that time, for him that dreaming was powerfully inspirational and worth it, despite heart-aching and ultimately a (pleasing?) cause of suffering. His transformation into a Cuetzpalin, and therefore his actions and involvement in batte became increasingly scarce, as noticed by his allies, when he finally decided to expose his closest friends that he wouldn't be as available as Paynal as he used to be, citing that his decision, as "objectionable as it may be", was remaining human. Everyone understood and accepted, they'd do the same decision if it happened to them, but he still felt remorse - was he wasting an awesome power? And he also didn't tell them yet one of the major reasons behind his decision - the promise he put in his own head, that he'd date Alica. But did he have what it takes? Lately, he spent too much effort on building a life as this Paynal that the people who knew his secret identity possibly looked at William merely as "Paynal's appendage" (still something better than no one at all, or an unnoticed inexpressive guy, as William, alone, was seen by most people who didn't even remotely knew Paynal). He was afraid that Alica may have looked at him as a merely "guy who lives for the revolution and battle", or "just another guy", no matter how different he may have been from anyone else she met. He'd struggle to be someone she not just cared about, but desired being with, and to be not just another individual that could fit into one or another stereotype, or that have met her and became a part of a moment of her life just by chance, but because they have so much in common, and more importantly, have a common interest in love - something William's unexperienced in, despite he listens to the same love-sick music crap she does.

Oh, how I smiled then, so near the cherished ones
I knew they would appear... saw not a single one
Oh, how I smiled then, waiting so patiently
I'd make a wish... and bleed

It was one of these days, when Alica was doing nothing at all, and both her and William were stationed in Kaliningrad, waiting for the reports of the pan-slavic, anarchist occupation/autonomous "Stribog" (named after the Slavic God of Winds) village in Lithuania, before they could take on more Teutonic Knights and Russian soldiers. Personally, none of them were willing to fight that day, they wanted to enjoy the hazy mood of the day, visit some abandoned old castle, graveyard, listen to something sad, and express their love for late 19th century philosophy (or so did William), if not, then perhaps ask each other about some obscure anime character (Alica seemed to know these a little better than William). Honestly, William was just looking for the perfect chance to confess, a chance he'd never have, and certainly not on this day. In this crypt they broke in "like a young couple looking for sorrow", they fell into some deep catacomb, where the restless dead corpses of past Teutonic Knights inhabited. Some of them were medieval, others from later eras, but all were at the time controlled by a local sorcerer that cared less for god and the church. Atheist and skeptical William always resorted to scientific explanations for necromancy and telekinesis, while Alica understood alchemy as part of chemistry, and telekinesis as an area of physics and neuroscience not completely reasonable yet. Her experience with necromancy and the Baphomet's telepathic connection to her - perhaps similar to William's past telepathy with Moctezuma? - made her open to several things she wasn't to before, but still not opened to the one thing William wanted. If William ever followed the counsels of his equally young friends, he'd put Alica in danger just so he could rise as her protector (in a way to make him feel needed by her), but could he bear the pain and angst of these dangers without his superhuman powers? As a human, could he put in practice what he did as a god-like serpentine creature?! The physical realm, the genes, the passion, are all prisons which no sentient being can free itself from - but in death. Or does it? The lifeless gaze of the rotting knights of god still doesn't conceal the fear of god in their terrible expressions of remorse, seen in every living, breathing, or dead christian out there. Death, as part of life, isn't even remotely liberating, and the oblivion, never fully experienced, is nothing but a dream of those forced to be born, and then, to live a life, that like all other lives, have a minimum of joy in comparison to a load of pain, for the sake of the past and future generations, that have nothing to do with the present individual.

No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one’s existence--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream--alone. While the dream disappears, the life continues painfully."
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness, 1899

Eventually, William considers himself making a pact with the Baphomet entity (while its' dormant form, the Philosopher's Stone, is in Alica's possession. What means during the time she's being persecuted by some obscure Russian authorities), but Alica dismisses it as something he would regret, and tell him he didn't need to "find a way to replace a supernatural power (transforming into a super-fast lizard-man) with another (forging a pact with an entity in exchange of abilities related to obscure elements)", but "focus on his present time", something that sounded too ambiguous for an insecure William. What did she want to tell with this? That she regretted having her powers, just because it was related to her persecution? But then, meeting people such as him (because of the Black Knights) didn't really made a greater, positive difference? Or she was merely trying to sound nice to William? Not too nice, anyway, as his interests didn't lie on such small talk. In response, William would lose yet another chance of expressing his true feelings, rather expressing to Alica that he finds her powers awesome - and try to imply that she's awesome, too, even without her powers. Something that surely didn't sound as planned. To that, Alica barely found an answer, just like she sounded small talk to him, he did to her, and neither wanted to.

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

In the glitter, in the dark, sunk into velvet
Praying this will never end
In the shadow of a star, in static pallor
I realized I never began

Description
I've produced this digital painting over a drawing which I made in October 29th, for the INKtober challenge
(following the "official prompt", the 29th day's theme was "united". The 28th's was "fall". Intentionally or by chance, this drawing mixed up both themes)
If you'd like to see all my 31+ drawings from October:

visit my portfolio
And also follow me on:

BEHANCE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TUMBLR

This illustration features two OCs from my current story project (" IXIPTLA"): The 16 years old William M. and Alica Kozlovskaya, in a scene from a story arc that takes place in June/July 2011

William M. is a teenager native from a metropolitan area in Brazil's southeastern region, who has, years before, attained the power to transform himself into a super-fast CUETZPALIN ("Lizard" in nahuatl, in this series, a species of humanoid reptiles from the outlandish realm of AZTLÁN), for some time, thanks to the symbiotic link he maintained with the Tonalcoatl (a step in a Cuetzpalin's life cycle, in which it's a snake or larvae-like creature able to live symbiotically with other vertebrate hosts, creating a telepathic link with them and allowing them to transform into a Cuetzpalin in their own account) of an older Cuetzpalin, Montezuma Xocoyotzin (the late 15th Century Mexican ruler, from the time of the downfall of the Mexica Confederation, a.k.a "Aztec Empire") - whom he found, by chance, during a trip into the Amazon Rainforest, somewhere in Brazil's northern region. Not only this new powers changed his life, they've also changed William's world view. Finally with the power to make a real difference to the lives of billions of sentient non-human animals currently suffering due to destructive practices, industry, overpopulation, consumption and so on, he decided to use his new form and powers to invade slaughterhouses, farms, fur farms, animal breeding, testing centers, and either sabotage them, to collect the animals and transport them to sanctuaries, and in some cases, even fighting security and employees. Needless to say, under his new identity, William has become a target to worldwide, public/private, official-non-official, military/bounty hunter forces, but also an inspiration for a decaying movement which spent the last years insisting on fruitless, peaceful ways of addressing deep problems. More than that, though, the rise of a super-fast lizard-man and footage assuring his existence have also contributed to the rise of public outcries and conspiracy theories concerning alien life, hybridization, and other bogus which he had no control over. This young anarchist cared nothing for the negative public attention, as long as it helped to alleviate the breeding and suffering of more sentient animals, and ultimately, to break the bad business of corrupt figures which pretty much ran his country, and had all the people working their lives for their luxury. This young anarchist, however, is also an individualist, who cared little for "the people", aware that their appeal to a collective mind, and to collective needs, always trampled upon individual needs and minds like his own, or those of sentient animals whose voices weren't taken in consideration. With time, this lone wolf fighting for animal liberation came to see that this struggle had a conflict of interests with other so-called "progressive struggles" - environment conservation, social equality, cultural preservation and so on. Several groups, more or less organized in those parameters, have became enemies of his as much as the conservative governments and capitalist monopolies did. BTW, the lizard-man adopted the identity of CUETZPALIN PAYNAL ("fast lizard" in nahuatl, named after the messenger or ixiptla "impersonator" of Huitzilopochtli, the God of War and patron of Mexico) during his actions, inspired by Montezuma's own accounts of a very different past from what William learned in the history books - including the existence of many more Cuetzpalin in the past, a struggle between the Mexica and Inca, and other non-human civilizations struggling for power - and ultimately keeping in mind William's own goals of destroying not only the material misery and wealth, but also the imaginary of "globalization", "modernity" and "western civilization". From August 8th 2008 to almost three years later, much has changed: many hidden powers have been exposed by Paynal's actions, other non-human masterminds have surfaced, gods have been challenged, he's finally made some allies, and struggle got global once again. Under the guise of Necoc Yaotl ("enemy of both sides" in nahuatl, a title for Tezcatlipoca, a trickster god), an informal band of anarchist friends and arsonists, Paynal has delivered quite a blow to the powers that be, including the christian churches that still exist in this ignorant world, and that decided, with support from the State(s) - both conservative and liberals -, to launch 21st century's Inquisition. It was in Russia that William met Alica, and " their story together" began.

Alica Kozlovskaya is a 16 years old girl from Brest, Belarus (close to its' border with Poland), who by accident has made a pact with the entity known as Baphomet (whose original form is the Philosopher's Stone of alchemy), in October 2009. This pact earned her some awesome powers, albeit hard to control - including telekinesis, necromancy and teleportation. Initially unable to understand the source or nature of her powers, she struggled hard to practice her new witchcraft away from her public life. That's when she started to be chased by undead spies on a daily basis, revealing to her the existence of the Baphomet, who has called to her an aid for help - according to the Baphomet, it was in a dormant state, trapped in the philosopher's stone, held by a secret organization of dark sorcerers hid within the bureaucracy of Belarusian and Russian states, remnant from the Soviet times. The stone's location was later revealed to be a secret military base in the town of Kaliningrad. With her current lack of understanding of her own powers, though, she knew that stepping in there, following the calling of a telepathic demon was a suicide mission, so she waited to improve her abilities, and to search for other people who could help her. That's when she met the intelligent undead Schwarze Ritter ("Black Knights"), a band of robin hood-esque knights, witches, medieval people skilled in combat who have survived to this age via covenants with the Baphomet entity, before the philosopher's stone/baphomet had been taken by soviet authorities after the second world war, when Königsberg became Kaliningrad (the Schwarze Ritter also fought and opposed Nazi Germany, before they disintegrated, and some members followed to Poland, Russia, Lithuania and other places in the Baltic Sea). Two of the Schwarze Ritter from the time that Black Death ravaged Eurasia: Drachensohn, a german (from a fief near Mecklenburg) farmer-turned-knight-turned-thief and Sorginak, a Basque witch who escaped the spanish Inquisition, have met Alica and introduced her to the world of magic, in return, hoping that she'd help them find other of the Black Knights who had also made the covenant. She learned the powers of the covenant came at a terrible price: whenever the philosopher's stone was activated and the Baphomet awaken, all people who made the pact would fall into a state of unconsciousness until the stone was deactivated/frozen again. The Baphomet feeds through the magic used by each people of its' coven, and for that reason the Baphomet usually exchanges people of the coven for new ones - because a society of witchcraft practitioners can't exist, only a little more than a dozen people can forge a pact, and even if they do - in the proccess, attaining immortality - they're likely to fight each other, for new members of the coven to rise. What happened throughout history is that, since Baphomet's first awakening by Nicholas Flamel, in 1130, on the town of Twangste, secret societies of sorcerers have sought the entity and the stone, and once possessing it, have created bureaucracies to control its' access, in some cases creating a specialized squad of soldiers powered by the stone's pact, and keeping a group of researchers nearby, also to secure the stone in their hands. It happened with the Baphomet Covenant before the Black Knights, the Black Knights themselves, and then the Black Knights' secret enemies, the Palarokhian Order - which evolved into a cell of the intergalactic Saqraruna Organization, on Earth present mainly in South America, Japan and the former Soviet Union. The current owners of the stone are the inheritors of a secret military program that still has links to the Belarusian and Russian governments, and oversees the creation and control of a special squad of super-soldiers, who in turn control their own squads of undead units. They keep the Baphomet under control and awake it whenever they need, in some occasions, trying to pin-point the location of other people who have made the pact, and who aren't part of their squads (what means, Alica and the Black Knights). On such occasions, they dispatch their units to kill them and in doing so open space for new recruits. The lives of the Black Knights, in the last decades, has been pretty much running from the Soviet authorities, and Alica has just got into their lifestyle by chance. It's not the first time, though, that the government has deeply affected her life in negative ways: other people she knew have been senselessly murdered by public security officers, who hace accused them as terrorists for merely exposing history and points of view which questioned the authority, or even the necessity of government and bureaucracy. Eventually, the remaining Black Knights have been gathered by Alica, who has been travelling across Europe (from germany to Russia, crossing the Baltic and other "Slavic" lands), and together they planned to infiltrate and recover the philosopher's stone. With that in hands, she would finally start to be the master of her own fate. It was during this time, rhoughly a year after first manifesting her powers, that she met William, at the time, still also known as the Cuetzpalin Paynal, who was introduced to the Black Knights by other allies of his.

TOGETHER WE FALL
Needless to say, being enemies of a State, a church and a corporation just wasn't enough for these two. Their lives became so dangerous, their power so great, that they (or rather their other identities - "Paynal" and "the Black Knight") became enemies of social order itself. That meant, they were targeted by the Teutonic Knights, a death squad turned into a semi-official security force, the Inquisitorial Offices, the Belarusian and Russian armed forces, the EU, the UN and NATO. From behind, though, they were just young folks trying to live their lives, and to keep their awe for living balanced with the perils of standing up and figthing for the things worth - freedom for all sentient beings, something that can't be bought or dealt. Eventually, William started to spend more time in Eastern Europe than before, in the proccess also helping his long-time allies Triton (an anarchist from Greece who also has the ability to transform into a super-powered non-human specimen, as well as controlling water and the seas) and Dazbog (a neo-pagan arsonist blessed with the power of fire by the Slavic Gods, his pan-slavic ideas sometimes clash, but sometimes match anarchist principles. Unlike William, Alica or the Triton, he's not vegan), but also getting closer to Alica, and meeting her as someone more than "a fellow soldier/warrior/rebel/militant". They shared some interests, though not mutually as deep, in a variety of stuff ranging from world views, study subjects, areas of knowledge, consumable entertainment, music, culture, art, etc. William couldn't hold on, and let himself fall in love with Alica, a love he didn't tell her for a while, aware that it wasn't mutual, even though he pretended that given time and some more meetings, given chance, it "would become". The time they spent would, at best, make them friends, and their mutual need for survival amidst the chaos, could help or damage that. William didn't want to be affected so deeply by this feeling, however, other changes of life potencialized those effects: In April/June 2011, he learned that despite he had got rid of the symbiotic Tonalcoatl of Moctezuma Xocoyotzin and still kept the power to become a Cuetzpalin, it was a matter of time before he could become unable to return to his human form, if he overused the transformative ability. If that happened in the first year he earned the power, he knew his decision, he'd rather be a super-fast lizard than a human fated to work, consume and die. But now, he couldn't help but romanticize his relation with Alica, to dream of a life he'd not remotely seek years ago, and that apparently would never be. Yet, during that time, for him that dreaming was powerfully inspirational and worth it, despite heart-aching and ultimately a (pleasing?) cause of suffering. His transformation into a Cuetzpalin, and therefore his actions and involvement in batte became increasingly scarce, as noticed by his allies, when he finally decided to expose his closest friends that he wouldn't be as available as Paynal as he used to be, citing that his decision, as "objectionable as it may be", was remaining human. Everyone understood and accepted, they'd do the same decision if it happened to them, but he still felt remorse - was he wasting an awesome power? And he also didn't tell them yet one of the major reasons behind his decision - the promise he put in his own head, that he'd date Alica. But did he have what it takes? Lately, he spent too much effort on building a life as this Paynal that the people who knew his secret identity possibly looked at William merely as "Paynal's appendage" (still something better than no one at all, or an unnoticed inexpressive guy, as William, alone, was seen by most people who didn't even remotely knew Paynal). He was afraid that Alica may have looked at him as a merely "guy who lives for the revolution and battle", or "just another guy", no matter how different he may have been from anyone else she met. He'd struggle to be someone she not just cared about, but desired being with, and to be not just another individual that could fit into one or another stereotype, or that have met her and became a part of a moment of her life just by chance, but because they have so much in common, and more importantly, have a common interest in love - something William's unexperienced in, despite he listens to the same love-sick music crap she does.

Oh, how I smiled then, so near the cherished ones
I knew they would appear... saw not a single one
Oh, how I smiled then, waiting so patiently
I'd make a wish... and bleed

It was one of these days, when Alica was doing nothing at all, and both her and William were stationed in Kaliningrad, waiting for the reports of the pan-slavic, anarchist occupation/autonomous "Stribog" (named after the Slavic God of Winds) village in Lithuania, before they could take on more Teutonic Knights and Russian soldiers. Personally, none of them were willing to fight that day, they wanted to enjoy the hazy mood of the day, visit some abandoned old castle, graveyard, listen to something sad, and express their love for late 19th century philosophy (or so did William), if not, then perhaps ask each other about some obscure anime character (Alica seemed to know these a little better than William). Honestly, William was just looking for the perfect chance to confess, a chance he'd never have, and certainly not on this day. In this crypt they broke in "like a young couple looking for sorrow", they fell into some deep catacomb, where the restless dead corpses of past Teutonic Knights inhabited. Some of them were medieval, others from later eras, but all were at the time controlled by a local sorcerer that cared less for god and the church. Atheist and skeptical William always resorted to scientific explanations for necromancy and telekinesis, while Alica understood alchemy as part of chemistry, and telekinesis as an area of physics and neuroscience not completely reasonable yet. Her experience with necromancy and the Baphomet's telepathic connection to her - perhaps similar to William's past telepathy with Moctezuma? - made her open to several things she wasn't to before, but still not opened to the one thing William wanted. If William ever followed the counsels of his equally young friends, he'd put Alica in danger just so he could rise as her protector (in a way to make him feel needed by her), but could he bear the pain and angst of these dangers without his superhuman powers? As a human, could he put in practice what he did as a god-like serpentine creature?! The physical realm, the genes, the passion, are all prisons which no sentient being can free itself from - but in death. Or does it? The lifeless gaze of the rotting knights of god still doesn't conceal the fear of god in their terrible expressions of remorse, seen in every living, breathing, or dead christian out there. Death, as part of life, isn't even remotely liberating, and the oblivion, never fully experienced, is nothing but a dream of those forced to be born, and then, to live a life, that like all other lives, have a minimum of joy in comparison to a load of pain, for the sake of the past and future generations, that have nothing to do with the present individual.

No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one’s existence--that which makes its truth, its meaning--its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream--alone. While the dream disappears, the life continues painfully."
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness, 1899

Eventually, William considers himself making a pact with the Baphomet entity (while its' dormant form, the Philosopher's Stone, is in Alica's possession. What means during the time she's being persecuted by some obscure Russian authorities), but Alica dismisses it as something he would regret, and tell him he didn't need to "find a way to replace a supernatural power (transforming into a super-fast lizard-man) with another (forging a pact with an entity in exchange of abilities related to obscure elements)", but "focus on his present time", something that sounded too ambiguous for an insecure William. What did she want to tell with this? That she regretted having her powers, just because it was related to her persecution? But then, meeting people such as him (because of the Black Knights) didn't really made a greater, positive difference? Or she was merely trying to sound nice to William? Not too nice, anyway, as his interests didn't lie on such small talk. In response, William would lose yet another chance of expressing his true feelings, rather expressing to Alica that he finds her powers awesome - and try to imply that she's awesome, too, even without her powers. Something that surely didn't sound as planned. To that, Alica barely found an answer, just like she sounded small talk to him, he did to her, and neither wanted to.

Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Just like a memory, it twists me
Just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end
Twist... twisting me

You land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
Onto the melting boy, and melt away
You light as gently, you're so cinematic
Bathed in your radiance, I melt

In the glitter, in the dark, sunk into velvet
Praying this will never end
In the shadow of a star, in static pallor
I realized I never began