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Lower Deck, Doctor Parsnip's Study and Quarters

"We've made excellent time so far this trip, lads! I'd say we have less than two nightfalls til we break land on the first of many islands, all uncharted and ready for us to- erm... Chart! Yes yes, this will be a most fruitful endeavor, I can feel it in my bones! Why, I-" Dr. Parsnip whipped around, puffing eagerly at his pipe, only to see his quarters were (and had been for a few moments) completely empty, sans his traveling companion and, one might argue, only friend- A short-haired grey cat which he affectionately called Turnip. "Oh, well... I suppose it's just the two of us. I wonder where my crew went? Oh well..." With that, the once highly renowned Doctor Parsnip went back to his scribbling within his journal.

Lower Deck, just outside Doctor Parsnip's Study

"Man, I feel bad just walking out on him like that..." One of the ship's crew, a big, burly man of fair complexion who most of the crew just called "Plank" muttered as he walked away from the study.

"I wouldn't. We would've been there all night, you know that." His constant companion, a short, stout young woman (affectionately known as "Plume" due to her rather outlandishly curly hair) reminded him, elbowing Plank in the side. "Besides, he's got that cat to talk to." Sure enough, they could hear Parsnip spooling back up into another grandiose speech. "Let's just get some dinner and call it a night."

A small bar, Downtown Los Angeles, several months later

"- In other news, a small discovery vessel, manned by once World-Renowned Doctor Parsnip before his mysterious disappearance over a decade ago, has docked in a harbor in New York. We go now to an impromptu press conference manned by Doctor Parsnip, which seemingly formed of it's own accord over the past hour as several camera crews from various news sources arrived to investigate."

The only resident in the small bar, an elderly gentleman sipping his third beer of the day, showed no interest in the report- or really much of anything. He stared blankly into the head of foam on his beer, so the bartender turned up the volume as the lanky Doctor Parsnip stepped up to a podium that his crew rolled from the ship.

A docking yard in New York

"Hello everyone! I am Doctor Parsnip, and the captain, and head, of this wonderful crew, without which I would still be sitting in my home study, re-reading The Time Machine or- or something else, I don't know! Point being, my friends, I have discovered an island, previously uncharted!" Parsnip paused, presumably waiting for applause- it had been a while since he had spoken to the press, and they used to be a lot more excitable. Unfazed, Parsnip continued, excitedly waving over Plank and Plume, who were carrying a heavy wooden crate.

Plank looked the same as ever- tall, burly, with his crew shirt clinging tightly to muscles that had only grown larger over the past several months of hard work. Plume, however, looked slightly different, although none of the news crews gathered around would know it. Her crew shirt used hold on loosely to her shorter frame, but now was stretched tight against her slightly larger chest, and her belly was on a due course to hang out the bottom of the shirt if she didn't size up soon. More noticeable to the crowd was the difference in attitude between the two crew mates carrying the box: While Plank maintained his usual air of indifference to the pretty much anything happening around him, Plume eyed the box hungrily, never taking her eyes off the lid which was snugly affirmed to the top.

"Now, this island, which is pending naming, holds a delightful variety of flora and fauna, due to it's completely untouched nature by humankind. We, erm, did find a small wrecked wooden boat, but, well, it was very old, you see, and there was no body..." Parsnip looked slightly panicked, but regained his composure. "Regardless, I'm happy to present my newest finding- Parsnipity Fruit!" With a flourish, Parsnip removed the lid- Plume's eyes grew wide- and withdrew a single, bright purple fruit- shaped like an avocado, but colored like a plum, with a small bundle of dark green leaves sticking out from the narrower end. The news crews remained unimpressed. "Erm... Yes, you there, madam, please step up!"

Parsnip pointed to a young woman in the front- if he had pointed to one of the more seasoned reporters and news crew, they wouldn't have dared step up and eat an unidentified food, however, this young, blonde woman had just moved up from "Intern" to "Junior News Crew" and was desperate to prove herself. Straightening her dark blue blouse, the 20-something stepped onto the stage next to the wide grinning Doctor. "Hello." She said- smoothly, professionally.

"Hi!" Parsnip grinned wildly- He had a floral smell to him, which was both pleasant and nostalgic. "What's your name, dear?" He said, extending a hand. She took it delicately.

"My name is Tanya." Parsnip's eyes grew wide.

"What a beautiful name! I can't say I've heard it before." It was true- Parsnip was almost painfully out of touch with modern society- but nobody was rude enough to point that out. Parsnip lowered his voice to a whisper. "This fruit... Is quite addictive, seemingly moreso to women. I just want to give you fair warning. Now, if you're ready, just squeeze those leaves at the top- yes, just like that- and pull, gently now... Yes!" Parsnip clapped, and even the large crowd- which had only grown as passerby wandered over- let out a few gasps of surprise and even a smattering of applause.

When Tanya pulled the leaves, the outer rind had tensed and then split neatly in two, falling away to the sides and onto the ground as the small bundle of leaves pulled upwards, revealing a hard core. Parsnip gently lifted the fruit from Tanya's hands by the now exposed core, holding it similarly to a candied apple, before handing it back to the young woman. "Thank you." She said politely, taking a bite- and her eyes shot wide.

"Now, we have approximately one hundred crates on board our small vessel- initial sales will start at two hundred a crate, simply so we can begin another voyage to-"

"I'll take a crate." The news woman said, tossing the now stripped clean pit/stick to the ground. She fished out her wallet from the small purse she had draped around her shoulder. "Do you take MasterCard?"

Parsnip stared at her. "What's a MasterCard?"

The Isle of Parsniptica, three years later

"Well, Doctor, I'm afraid it's not that simple. You see, the cultivation process of these fruits was... Unknown, at the time. We had no idea how... Easily grown they were. You have to understand, you discovered a high calorie fruit that's requires little to no resources to grow... And happens to be very addictive to half of the population. It's a wonder you were able to last three years without any sort of trademark or copyright on the damn things. In fact... If I were you, I'd sell the island while you still have the chance."

Doctor Parsnip looked glumly at the papers before him. What happened to the times where a man could make his living simply by sailing to uninhabited islands and selling whatever they found? "I suppose you're right. It's been a good run, after all. Got my boat all fitted with more modern doo-dads. It's been fun, at least." Parsnip looked up glumly at the lawyer standing before him- a tall, skinny man in a pinstriped suit that was doing him no favors in the humid heat of the island. "Do you have the papers?"

The lawyer looked down at him sadly. "Yes, I do. I understand this island is your life, and I-"

"No, my dear boy, my life is exploring! This island was simply a fun diversion. We'll be off soon, won't we?" He gestured to the top two members of his crew that stood by, apparently for protection, if the way they were standing was any indication.

Plank had only grown more muscular and massive in his time under Parsnip's tutelage, being the head of distribution on the island at Parsnip's own request. His shirt stretched tightly against his iron frame of muscles, and he was as intimidating as ever- at least to people who didn't know that Plank was quite the gentle soul.

Sitting next to him was the almost ever-present Plume, munching on a Parsnipity Fruit and looking every bit as fat as Plank was muscular. Like most of the females exposed to Parsnipity Fruit, Plume had developed an overwhelming craving for them. Unlike the several other female members of the crew, Plume had actually stuck around on the boat- meaning she had endless access to said fruits, which meant her form went from "short and stout" to "as round as she was tall".

Scientists had, of course, done extensive research on the fruits, and found zero evidence that the things were actually unhealthy, as such- they just happened to be very high in "healthy fats" and calories, and seemed- for reasons no one quite understood- to have quite the addictive characteristic for most women who tried them. There were several prevailing theories, including one that involved a large amount of hormonal and genetic related words that were invented after Doctor Parsnip reverted into a recluse, so he paid the studies no mind.

With no small amount of flourish, Parsnip signed away his island and home for the past three years. "Let us be off, then! Let's load up- erm, how many boxes of fruit do you think would be suitable, Plank?"

Plume immediately stepped forward, her round form wobbling. "Four boxes, sir. No, make it five." Parsnip grinned and nodded.

"Plank, make it so- in fact, make it six. Can't keep the crew unhappy, can we?" He said, shooting Plume a wink- but she was too busy opening up another fruit to notice. "We shall be off by tomorrow!"

"What about the funds, sir?" The lawyer stepped forward, pulling yet another bundle of papers from his satchel. "We haven't even discussed-"

"Ah, right! Well, you can take thirty percent, my good sir-" The lawyers eyes went wide- normal fees usually surmounted to less than two percent, maybe three if the client was feeling generous. "-Send forty percent to my exploration funds, and... Ah, I don't know. Put the last thirty percent somewhere safe, maybe some nice charity?" The lawyer, too busy doing numbers in his head, simply nodded, scrawling a few loose notes on the paper before retreating back to his waiting boat.

"Thank you, sir!" He shouted, doing a small wave- but Parsnip was already deep in conversation with Plume, now his head navigational officer (mostly because she was simply too fat to do much else) to figure out a new chart for sailing.

A small port, North of Liverpool, several years later

A bored dockhand sat staring into the fog. There hadn't been many boats out today- the deep, heavy fog wasn't exactly "boat weather", and many of the fisherman had already called it a day. The fog hadn't given up all day, and at this rate, it seemed the next day would be foggy as well. Still, she wasn't paid by the hour to not sit at the docks, so she sat, bored, wishing she had brought a book, when a dark vessel emerged from the fog. Shocked, the woman stood up and rushed to the dock- had one of the fishing boats stayed out? She mentally counted how many had come in that day, but paused as the vessel slowly approached.

Several moments later, the boat was firmly anchored against the dock, and a slightly crouched old man descended down towards the dock. "Hello, my dear young lady!" The dockhand (Kace) nodded slightly, still not sure of what she was looking at. "You might be wondering what we have on this here vessel?" Another slight nod. If Kace had been born a little later, she may have recognized the good Doctor Parsnip, but when Parsnipity Fruit took over the States, she was merely 15, and the fruit was so heavily taxed and regulated by the time she was old enough to care that it was impossible to find, especially across the pond.

Kace's eyes grew wide as a massive woman staggered off the boat towards her. The woman's wild hair bobbed in the air, but the violent wobbling of her corpulent frame completely dwarfed the attention of Kace's stare. She cared a small wooden crate, which the woman was eyeing hungrily.

"Ah, thank you, Plume. Dear, what's your name?" Kace told him. "Ah, Kace, well, how would you feel about being the very first person... In the world... To try my latest discovery?" Kace deliberated silently, before giving another nod. "A woman of few words. I like it. Plume, if you please?" Plume dutifully opened the box and eyed the contents hungrily, watching as Doctor Parsnip removed a single, bright orange berry from within. "I call them Parsnipity Berries, and I believe you will find that they are quite tasty." He held the single berry out to the woman, who plucked it from his hands and popped it into her mouth, chewing slowly- before here eyes grew wide.

"I see you like it!" Parsnip said with a grin. "Tell me, Kace- how does one get a hold of the local news crews around here?"