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jmstew39 — Stormy Rose
Published: 2005-10-20 00:44:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 80; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description Birthed in proud thunder let the rain caress
The silk of your petals as red as blood
Most beauteous creature I must possess
Tis misfortune that rains, for brave the flood!
It flows much swifter than I’d like confess
And cursed be this hill it has turned to mud!
The lightning strikes and gives cause to distress
Slickened slope lands my body with a thud
My eyes are wide open, my hair’s on end
The char-black sky hangs quite near above me
I crawl most pitiably t’wards my love
With nature’s broad forces I must contend
My head bowed low, I look up and see Thee
“Come now,” He said, “to the heavens above.”
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jmstew39 - ?
Comments: 1

Cocktail-Umbrellas [2005-10-20 00:50:58 +0000 UTC]

Hey, for a first try that's really not too too bad at all!
No meter and no turn just means that you've borrowed the rhyme scheme as a basis.
For something with a set rhyme scheme, you've succeeded in keeping your rhymes quite unpredictable, and, though I am not poet, your imagery steers far enough away from cliché.
Good read ^^ Keep writing!

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