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I used to think that I was as clever as I needed to be.  I would never imagine that the life of me, a boy from a town of nothing but country folk could be so complicated.  To begin with, there are romances and crushes to deal with.  Those things defy all of the logic in the world.  That's not even considering the morality of the things, which is another topic unto itself.  Morality, and my duties to my family, friends, and God, it can all be so confusing and overwhelming at times.  As if it weren't all enough, I have a life filled with obligations and school.  I know most people handle way more than I do with infinitely more usefulness, but for some reason what little I have to do seems to out do me in all ways.

The romances are among the worst of it.  I mean, how can things which supposedly are so simple cause so many problems?  Isn't it supposed to be "Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy.  They date.  They marry.  They have kids.  Boy dies because the guy is the first to go.  Girl dies."?  I'm a Mensan and I can't even begin to understand all of the complexities that I've entangled myself into at times.  Most of the time it's all about one girl, but most of those times are all about a different girl.  I'm young, and fortunately that's saved the a lot of the complexities resulting from actions that older people take, but still, every day being in an awkward situation takes a toll on a mind eventually.  It would be great if I could feel with my mind for a year or two.  I could get so much done, but my heart likes to create new puzzles for its old rival, and the struggle between the two has never been easy to exist in.

Existing in romances, though, would be easier if it weren't for a giant wall of right and wrong in front of me.  Don't get me wrong, I love rules.  I think they're important to not, you know, die, or go insane, or live in emptiness and without structure.  I love rules, but some times, I think that if we lived in a world free of cause and effect, it would make some parts of life so much easier.  What if I could go and leave all my friends, family, duties, church and school, and just start over without having to deal with consequences?  What if I could be shrewd so that I got the girl every time?  But I can't do that, because it would be wrong, and that's fine, but I still can't help but wonder some times about what it would be like without the rules of logic and order and God.

I guess all I'm trying to get at here, is not that I'm not as clever as I thought I was.  I think I've always been pretty right about that much.  I'm objective about stuff like that.  I guess what I mean to say is that what that cleverness and intellect is worth in the world is what I over estimated.  A lot of things are WAY too big for me, but I guess that's where God comes in, always holding my hand to be able to save the