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matrix7 — TemPtatIon
Published: 2001-08-18 06:37:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 187; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 27
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Description Walking through the darkened trees
feel the bones and dust beneath.
Soft as marble, warm as stone
drawing, drawing further on...

Clearing in the trees ahead
ravens call from overhead.
Hesitation at the edge
scared to fall over the edge
want to stop but too far gone
drawing, drawing further on...

Strangers both in shrouded hoods
one is evil, the other good.
Both stretch out their hand to me
the choice is always up to me.
Thinking, probing watching both
silent in their ancient robes.
I feel as though all hope is gone
drawing, drawing further on...

Rash decisions made in haste
that stalks and kills its helpless prey.
Overthinking simple steps
can lead to taking your last breath.
A silent whisper in my head
"Take the right or you'll be led
down a road of pain and tears
and bring to life your darkest fears".
Make a choice, and you alone
drawing, drawing further on...

I take the hand of the left
and turn my back on what's behind.
Down a path of dust I'm led
Never knowing what's ahead.
Faster, faster on we go
I plead to stop, I beg to slow.
In reply not a word
as if my guide had not heard
my desperate cry as pulled along
drawing, drawing further on...

Desperately for help I cry
the ravens mock as we rush by.
I didnt know it would be like this!
Remorse, regret and pain emit
the fragile form that I've become.
To have the chance just once again
to choose the right, to feel the wind
beneath my wings as on I soar
higher than I have before.
To know my dreams, to touch the stars
to leave the prison, to bend the bars.
Faster in to the storm I'm drawn
drawing, drawing further on...

I look beneath me at the path
I chose so recklessly and ask
"Is it too late? Can I turn back?
To that one choice and leave this track
that life has taken as I turn
farther away, destined to burn.
I see so clear than one mistake
I made so long ago, and now I break
the endless cycle of pain and strife
and there I choose the right in life.
The narrow path, the other choice
where my dreams will have a clearer voice.
Silenced, all the screams and moans
of past mistakes, I start for home.
drawing, drawing further on...
drawing, drawing further on...
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Comments: 2

matrix7 [2001-08-18 15:27:39 +0000 UTC]

Thanks man, I was kinda struggling on this one and I know when it doesnt flow that it has soemthing wrong with it, I just couldnt see it till you pointed it out. Seems about 6 places where I break rhyme....and since I gotsta rhyme for Sannie or she will slap me with a large wet trout.

Thatks for the tips from "Tha Mastuh" of the Dark Stuff man. You ever want to use the trenchcoat for gigs just let me know man Now there's a good mental image *bangs head* "Get out, get out"

hahaha

Laterzzzz

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sixwings [2001-08-18 15:14:59 +0000 UTC]


I think you should re-work this one to make the meter and rhyme run all the way through it, since some of the poem has it and some doesn't. When you leave the rhyme and rythm structure it suddenly feels unnatural and the intrest wanes. My advice: Either make it all rhyme or none at all.

Nice poem though, good concept.

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