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Mikeinel — Why Can't I Be Happy?
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Published: 2009-09-08 08:13:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 186637; Favourites: 9176; Downloads: 3165
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"Why am I not happy?""I have everything that makes me happy..."
"Yet i'm not happy..."
"I just want to be happy..."
"Will this make me happy?"
"Right now, am I happy?"
"I'll do everything to make myself happy..."
"Why can't I be happy?"
It's been a while since I last made a clean painting...
Software: Photoshop CS3
Continuation:
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Comments: 1029
it's better than last year though^^
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yes, well, life will show with time what will happen to me
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indeed, i think humas'll kill themselves over time, we all die, it goes some time, the planet stabilize and creates a new super-race^w^
maybe it's neko's 0w0
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Possibly...NEKOS YAY! <3
(btw, can yah check out my new pics an' tell me tell me which is your fav? I'm trying to figure out which I should use for somethin'...)
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sorry aout all the critiques, i got good time, the teacher hasn't arrived and i sit outside the classroom^^'
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I know exactly what you mean. Many of us feel that way. :[
However, I stick to the fairy tale-like hope that one day everything will sort out nicely.
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I stick with the same too..
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it will most probably, i have no reason to get outta bed, still i do it.
yesterday i finally went to talk to a doctor about my depression, i have to go regularly now...
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just dont go taking depression medicine. does not help. maybe you need a hobby or a passion. i guarantee that can help.
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What's so bad about medicine? I can't speak for anyone else, but the medicine is the only reason I get out of bed most days. Sometimes it's the only thing that lets me stand being around people.
Please be careful giving people advice on things you don't understand. Most of the time it's harmless, but there are people out there, however few, who really and truly do need help and will hurt themselves and others without it - and that help can include meds.
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and because it helps you it makes you understand what the medicine does in your brain and that it is harmless?
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I didn't say it was harmless.The human brain is such a complex thing that I doubt anybody right now can tell you what the medicine does there and how harmful or harmless it is with absolute certainty. I've studied some. That tells me how some medicines are supposed to work and how harmless they've been observed to be, but what actually goes on in our brains is as much a mystery to me as it is you.
What I meant to convey is that sometimes, being medicated is far better than the alternative. Just because several people have had bad experiences with an unspecified medicine or medicines isn't a reason to assume that all medications will have a bad effect on you.
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I'm not too sure if you mean in general or just in certain situations. Depression and anxiety medication has done so much for me.
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well it could of even been a placebo pill too. the thing is. a lot of the medicine is made for people who have a chemical misbalance. And a lot of the medicine will put you in a very neutral mood and emotionless, as i have observed several people i know on medication. it all depends on your scenario though.
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I'm a pre-med student, and after working in the hospital and with patients and doctors for quite some time now, I can definitely testify that doctors do overprescribe these medications to patients. It's the same reason they give insulin to type 2 diabetics who are 300 pounds but need a lifestyle change. People want meds. But here is the dangerous thing.
Your brain develops until you are 20. During the teen years, I'm pretty sure we all experience this angst, some more than others. I had an absolutely awful bout with depression in middle school, and my mother tried to make me take drugs but taking drugs just didn't feel right. It's part of growing up today, it seems 
My advice? Write. Write down everything. And do it in such a way that your parents can't discover it because they'd probably freak at the stuff you write. The next morning, read it and really consider each point you make, and consider if there's anything that can be done. It will get better, I promise. <3
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yes very good point made! jjust like i said, give it time and hang in there!
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You're very right placebo pills are proven to help quite a lot.
I'm very sorry I got so defensive, many people view psychiatry as something evil and for all that it's done for my mother, and also myself, it just really makes me sad when people think of it in a harsh way.
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oh no worries haha. i totally understand your stance on it. i believe the biggest reason people are so against it is because drugs are also given out to people for just about anything.
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That is such a shame isn't it? Every time I go to the doctor with a small cold I get offered all sorts of medication that I don't need.D:
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I can testify to the neutral emotionless thing...everyone is depressed to some degree so essentially doctors will find depression in anyone should they choose to do so.
In the end I lost ten years of my life to a haze caused by the medications and one doctor's mistake...so it's best to be careful and find a good doctor to diagnose you.
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yeah like i told meranemone, if you can find a hobby or passion it will greatly help you out. due to my love of rollerblading which ive been doing 9 years and video/photography, its all that is on my mind. depressive thoughts do not enter my mind hardly ever because it is taken up by happy thoughts of what i will photograph next or skate next etc.
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great! 
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i know, i lost all interest for things, i don't have anything close to passion.
the psycology-lady says i'm a smart and reflected person, so i mostly know what's bad about this. but finding something i got passion for is hard. it's gotta be doable and within certain limits^^
i'm too young to rally too...
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i had it abit bad before; no friends, everybody hated me, etc, etc. my mother and father told me to just "Let it slide" it's not that easy -_- so i did afew things
1) i learned an instrument, they are GREAT vents and distractions.
2) i tried a new language class, and i did it in night schooling, i met new people with my interests so that really turned out great.
3)i joined an mmorpg; now this may sound like a really off suggestion, but it works, you get to be whoever you want to be so its great! i've met alot of great friends all over the world who help me out when i'm down now, i even found the person i really like there.
just suggestions that worked for me, hope you feel better ^^
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oh, thanks^^
i've tried most of it. i'm averagely ok in mmorpg's, and instruments? well, i've recently started beatboxing and have gotten good comments from my friends on it^^
but honestly, i'm still young, i got my life before me. i'll just take my time
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great ^^ just have fun, right?
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well, right now i'm quite ok, happy in fact^^
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if you are still young and in school i would give it time. hold in you know, but give it time. because you will go through many mental changes and with that your opinions and values changes a lot. so with that could bring love for something new. you never know
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yup^^
i'm already very reflected and intelligent, i'm often confused for being twice as old as my age tells :3
so naturally i know all this, i know what all of it is and what's going on, but my head makes me stressed too, so i always think i got bad time...^^'
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you know what would help? a kitten montage! the absolute cure to any sickness! but heres a tip on how to grasp passion, be around good freinds! and in the unfortunate case you have none, be confident and ask random people who may seem sane to go and watch a movie or somthing. if somthing may make you happy DO IT. NO ONE WILL BLAME YOU. sorry for ranting and be carefule about the random people part, you dont want to end up like that guy who cjust got killed by that girl [shudders]
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i know, i'm quite intelligent, so i won't have such problems^^
i got good friends too, they're not too good to talk about feelings with, but they back me up when i need it.
but sadly, i have nothing i got interest for or passion for. life is doing good, my grades are good, i get to do art all day, but... i got nothing i really wanna do...
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Speaking of me, my life sucks somehow. I love my friends, i love my hobbies, drawing, colouring, photography, anime, reading, going to movies.
But somehow i feel out of me. Steadily i am disappearing in a MMORPG World, going trhough fantasctic things, simple things.
Everyday i woke up, i feel, hey, i found my love, but still there is lingering darkness in me.
When i got to be alone, what is most of the time, time passes by without having reached anything.
I somehow feel i miss the love to myself. I want to be happy, i cry for being happy, i search for being happy.
But when i am alone again, everything goes back black, and i really dont know how to get me out of it.
Speaking of talking to the doctor, the depression medicine that is not working doea exist, but also does one.
Just you have to try different medicines out, i know a guy, who had really serious problems. He was one of the loveliest bears i ever met. But for him was the darkness not standable.
For me not too, i guess.. but i feel kinda different, i was all my life like that, sadly.
If u were a happy person, and just someday it turned black, i just can be simple the teenage age, too, the time while you still feel like you are young.. maybe u know what i mean. its just a maybe here.
But i know it would be hard, to accept an extern medicine to cure yourself. Thats mostly what makes people feel strange about it. Its just, you want help but u cant really get it, accept it.
Anyway, how about u do a lille teenage party. Organise one, dont sink into daily routine.. live a lillte exentric, paint something out of the usual, get colours for it, that are sticky and you need blanket over the sorroundings.
If love comes not directly, try to be open to the people who are attracted to you. But to prevent hurt, tell them, what u think of them.
=/ Well just what i think.
! i wish you all the best.
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yeah, kinda. Now.. we just came to talk..
Mister E Comment.
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thanks^^
our lives are not so different, although i already know all such things. i'm trying to accept help, even though it's hard, and the darkness, i find myself staring at the screen and clicking through mails and messages with same unsatisfied, false grin i always have.
i keep my concentration on that i must not be devoured by myself, thanks to an old friend that saved me years ago when i had no friends i didn't^^
but now, it's not friendship, it's something more...
passion, i have little passion for anything, possibly i should try to get love, but only time will show...
i had a splendid day today, i dropped school and went on town with one of my new friends. never felt so glad for long time, we talked about games and how we'll open a store dedicated to the real gamers, those that feel the importance of gamers and game, not only ranking and skills. the true gamers, like in the 80's.
the real stores are dead long ago, the last disappeared or are disappearing now, so we wanna try once more^^
i really felt related to someone, not the gaming nerds around here, but the "Gamer", the real people of gaming
so today i had a fun day, and i feel inspired to play some game, maybe LAN a game on the old classics, i really feel good right now. maybe it's the passion we share and so eagerly talked about?^^
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Ahh.. u are talking to a nerd, mostly X)
Thought my hobby for MMOPRG is mostly like there is a big group of people who grant me the worl i would like to live.
Well i am moving out of home soon, maybe i can create what i want, with litle effort X)
I am specified in doing everything with "lille" effort.
=/ Guess what? i am mostly blaming myself. And i shouldnt at the same time.
I have all good words for me stored up.
"Passion" is a lovely word, my psychologist told me you lack motivation.
Thought i slowly like doing things on my own, i am always happy when my mother leaves the house, sometimes i come up with a miracle, like kitchen is all done. And i praise myself, but when she is home again, its like, hehe? what have u done, sitting in front of the pc all day.
Well i dont do that often, but if, she never sees it.
Its like foodpoisioning, dont you agree?
Its good you had a nice day, here i am trying my best too. Its like you told me before i woke up
Creating a store where all people love to go by and talk about they different opinions, speaking to the shopkeeper about the change in the world, about the change that appears in your beloved hobby.
If so, i would like to create a working place for authors and Mangakas, Drawers and Explorers, for "Clothecreators" and for musicans.
Maybe one day i could by a house, and open it for those, who search a place to create.
Like the magicians guild have one.
Anyway sound marvellous your trip, i cheer for another good day, a day of inspiration and free will.
Hm.. i should stop or else i would get poetic with english X) i am bad at that.
Know what, i would like to play mario cart with my family in sweden like in the old times. Where it felt like a racing day and cahmpionships ^^
Maybe i can create today, another experience. Sun is shining.
So good luck for you.
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you're either my clone or a very unfortunate copycat of my life...<_<
my mother NEVEER see what i do. unless i forgot to vacuum a small part of the carpet, then she goes of her line...think she TRIES to be mad at me...
i read the rest of your message. seems someone copied parts of my mind and inserted it in you^^
i always want total freedom, and creating my own place, in this case, the game shop, i have opened a meeting place for the same of mind^^
of course, jackasses will come by every once in a while...but we'll deal with em' ^^
when you got your place, you gotta send me the address^^
so that one time i visit germany, i'll come by
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Ahwww.. i am no copycat.
I am just me.
Hey i guess.. you are more the light part, and i am the dark ^^
Its easy in todays worl to find stereotypes.
Well but guess, some of us still have the charm to go after Mozart, or in my part after Boudelair.
But to be open to society of all different kind of spirits, is what i love about creative work^^
Chu. Thought.. i have some lines with the game world. I trief myself on a story for the RPG, but got stuck with some crashed pcs X). Shouldnt be.. anyway i guess.. i will just create a lovely garden and minigamehouse... one day, well in rpg ^^
Hope really that my pc will not crash that time. I am mostly interested in how to open my work to the stubborn minds around me
Thought, i established a really strong will to live.
When .. i am going to open such a place.. thought maybe its just a teeparty^^ i will invite you. Though, i will be sure to have different stereotypes there, so it will get quite a mix.
Hmm.. guess, atm, i am okay again. Am through the parts.. where i am going to .. well mostly, still am fearing a lot.
Well.. today i just couldnt sleep , and thought maybe writing this will ease a bit the tension before moving.
Tomorrow i am going to live at another place X) i am scared.
But.. a supermarkt women, who i do know lives not far from there.
Wish me good luck.
Hope u have a nice day. Wish you more creative ideas, and a lucky note.
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i'm ok, now i'm going to psykologist for sure, a special prepared one too.
life's ok, sorry i don't write alot now, but i'm tired and i might disappear into a tactical game^^
(where i can be all god-like. my own little world^^)
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