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in before "the sorts are wrong!"
how I sort these guys is just my opinion, ya'll. you're welcome to disagree. c:

Stan: Hufflepuff. Secondary house is Gryffindor but I feel he’s just so balanced as a person that Hufflepuff is the best fit. There’s more reluctance to play the hero in Stan, but he does it, and does it well, when he knows he has to. To me…he’s almost but not exactly Cedric Diggory-esque in the fact that everyone kind of likes him and he doesn’t necessarily go out of his own way to piss anyone off really.

Kyle: Gryffindor. Secondary house is Hufflepuff but he’s pretty far into Gryffindor territory. Kyle is all about doing the right thing or rather what he personally thinks is the right thing. Even though he’s smart, he’s run primarily by his emotions which is why he’s prone to angry outbursts and can be easily swayed when Cartman tries to manipulate him with ~feelings~ and ~good causes~. He’s also stubborn and makes a bigger deal out of things than necessary.

Cartman: Slytherin. Just…Slytherin. I mean…his secondary house could possibly be Gryffindor but he’s SO far into Slytherin that a secondary house is practically irrelevant at this point. I feel this is practically self-explanatory. Literally everything he does is so that he can get ahead one way or another. Slytherin isn’t the evil house, it’s the “hmm nothing that is happening right now is serving me in any way at all and my valuable time can be better used for other plans so screw you guys I’m going home” house.

Kenny: Hufflepuff, but it's a tight sort with Gryffindor. I just think that almost everything he does (when he’s not thinking about sex) is motivated by the wants and needs of other people. Gryffindor kind of has that too, but when a Gryffindor does it it’s in a sort of…know-it-all, self-gratified, “for the good of everyone” way and I don’t think Kenny necessarily looks for that. He cares more about personal attachment and people as individuals, while Gryffindors, imo, are more abstract and grandiose in their desire to “save people” and “do the right thing.” If that makes sense.

Description
in before "the sorts are wrong!"
how I sort these guys is just my opinion, ya'll. you're welcome to disagree. c:

Stan: Hufflepuff. Secondary house is Gryffindor but I feel he’s just so balanced as a person that Hufflepuff is the best fit. There’s more reluctance to play the hero in Stan, but he does it, and does it well, when he knows he has to. To me…he’s almost but not exactly Cedric Diggory-esque in the fact that everyone kind of likes him and he doesn’t necessarily go out of his own way to piss anyone off really.

Kyle: Gryffindor. Secondary house is Hufflepuff but he’s pretty far into Gryffindor territory. Kyle is all about doing the right thing or rather what he personally thinks is the right thing. Even though he’s smart, he’s run primarily by his emotions which is why he’s prone to angry outbursts and can be easily swayed when Cartman tries to manipulate him with ~feelings~ and ~good causes~. He’s also stubborn and makes a bigger deal out of things than necessary.

Cartman: Slytherin. Just…Slytherin. I mean…his secondary house could possibly be Gryffindor but he’s SO far into Slytherin that a secondary house is practically irrelevant at this point. I feel this is practically self-explanatory. Literally everything he does is so that he can get ahead one way or another. Slytherin isn’t the evil house, it’s the “hmm nothing that is happening right now is serving me in any way at all and my valuable time can be better used for other plans so screw you guys I’m going home” house.

Kenny: Hufflepuff, but it's a tight sort with Gryffindor. I just think that almost everything he does (when he’s not thinking about sex) is motivated by the wants and needs of other people. Gryffindor kind of has that too, but when a Gryffindor does it it’s in a sort of…know-it-all, self-gratified, “for the good of everyone” way and I don’t think Kenny necessarily looks for that. He cares more about personal attachment and people as individuals, while Gryffindors, imo, are more abstract and grandiose in their desire to “save people” and “do the right thing.” If that makes sense.