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Published: 2014-07-26 19:52:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 649; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 6
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Fluttershy was singing silently as she trotted along the seashore. After meeting up with her friendly seal family, she has decided to take a relaxing trot in the sun. It was too early, so nopony was around. She was trotting for an hour now, and was about to head back to ponyville, when she heard a silent voice. "Um..excuse me..." Fluttershy looked around but saw nopony around. "Down here. Do you... have...water please?" She looked down and saw a small seapony mare. But not usual one. This one was blue and... transparent. She could see the sand under her. Thick ropes of pink mane covered her face as she rose her fin with much effort. "Och my, of course I have. You poor creature, what happened? Are you hurt?" She said as she pulled out a bottle of water from her saddlebag and poured some on a tiny pony. A small portion of fresh liquid immediately moisturized the creature, as her body absorbed it all in a blink of eye. "Ahh! THANK YOU!" She stood up on her tail and stretched like from a long nap. "I'm ok, but a minute more and it could not end so happily" She looked up at Fluttershy and extend her fin. "Names Cnideria. And it's nice to meet a pone to save my life." Flutter blushed and gave her hoof gently. "I'm Fluttershy. And it's nice to meet you as well." She gave her a warm smile. "Umm... if you don't mind... what kind of a pony are you? If that's not to personal, of course..." Cnideria giggled and turned around, showing her entire body glistering in the sun. "I'm a jellyfish pony. I can swim, and am see-through, and... things like that." Flutter smiled seeing a little pony's enthusiasm. "I've never met one of you, but... aren't you supposed to avoid sun? What happened?" Jellypony smiled carelessly. "Funny story. I saw a couple of your friends sun tanning and thought it must be fun, so I crawled out and wanted to get some sun." Flutter was surprised by sheer stupidity of that sentence, but being an element of kindness, she just smiled awkwardly. "Well, umm... next time better remember about sunscreen. And always have some water with you." She said, and seapony giggled. "Yeah, why didn't I think of that before! Thank you!" She crawled a little closer to Fluttershy. "I wish we could talk a little more. I'd gladly invite you to my place, but I forgot where is it, so it might be hard." Flutter smiled and gently picked her up. "You know... We could always go to my place, if you are ok with that. I have invited some friends over, they could all meet you." She opened her eyes wider and jumped up with excitement. "That's amazing! I love meeting new ponies! Of course I'll gladly go! "She gave Flutter a bright smile and rolled her eyes daydreaming." I can't wait to see the others! We'll be the best of friends, and they gonna be so happy to see me and I'm gonna be your friend and all!"--------------
"Ewww. She's wet and... slimy." Said Rarity as they all gathered around Cnideria that was calmly eating seaweed on the table. To keep her from drying off, Fluttershy left her a big glass of water in which she could fit. All six friends looked at a little pony, as Fluttershy frowned at Rarity. "Um, don't you think she might feel, you know, offended, hearing that?" Cnideria bit another leaf of seaweed and shrugged. "I think it's a compliment. I need water and moist, so I like being wet and slimy." White Unicorn hardly hid her disgust as she slowly backed away with awkward smile. Rainbow Dash smirked, looking at Rarity. "What's the matter Rarity? Feeling Jelly-ous of our friends moist skin?" Rarity left that without comment, as Dashie walked around, looking at the transparent body. "I bet you can swim super fast with those fins, right? Like, you race with swordfish and stuff, right?" Jellypony shook her head, waving her mane. "No, not at all. I swim slowly and mostly float in the water, enjoying the sun and waves." Dashie blinked few times and rolled her eyes. She was about to say how lame it is, but was stopped by Applejack. "Hold ya horses Dashie. I know what ya gonna say. Better hold ya muzzle shut before you say a word or two too much." Cnideria giggled and looked up. "Oh, I often say too much, they say. They used to say I say a lot and too much and get myself in troubles and such. They also say that I often lie, but I never do that. I just forget what version is the right one. I often mistake things... I just don't have the right memory." They all looked at each other quite puzzled. Flutter shrugged and looked at Twilight, encouraging her to break the awkward silence. Princess slowly approached the table. Clearing her throat she lean forward at the little transparent creature. "Well, as a Princess and one of your new friends, it's a pleasure and honour to welcome you among us. I can't wait to see how educational this new experience will be." Cnideria looked at her and tilted her hear. She rubbed the back of it and sat silently for a minute. After that, she stood up. "No, sorry, I still can't understand half things you said. But we will learn a lot from each other! Even though you don't look like one that like to learn much." Rainbow Das and Applejack burst out in laugh, as Twi blushed heavily, unable to answer a thing. Pinkie Pie laughed out even louder than previous two mares. "That was super-duper-upper funny! I think our see-through-friend makes jokes without ever realising it! It's so COOL! I bet you make everyone laugh under the water where you come from?" Cnideria giggled and jumped up. "Oh, I try to! I love making ponies laugh! I love friends and such, but they don't get my jokes. I don't know why." Pinkie waved her hoof and bounced a couple of times. "Worry not, I get that maaaany times. But I have so many jokes no one gets those bad ones!" Suddenly, Cnideria rolled on the table, laughing. She burst into uncontrollable laugh so hard, all friends looked at each other curious. Even Pinkie stopped bouncing. "Did I say something upper-duper funny without realising it? Are your funny skills contagious?" Jellyfish pony rubbed her eyes and slowly calmed down. "No... it's not that... I... he.. I'm sorry... I get it! Jelly-ous! Jealous and jelly! Och my, I'm sorry, I need a moment." Pinkie looked at her with confusion, as Twilight face hoofed loudly. Fluttershy smiled innocent and gently picked laughing pony up, putting her in the glass. "I think it's getting pretty late. Maybe we should bring you back to the beach? It's quite far away from here." Cnideria calmed down and nodded. "Yeah, I always forgot the time. I think I should go now. Can you all escort me back there?" They all nodded and gathered up, ready to leave.
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Back at the beach, Cnideria was standing on the sand, as all friends gathered around her. Fluttershy smiled and walked forward "IT was so nice to meet you. I surely hope we'll see another time?" Jellypony nodded with enthusiasm and waved her fins. "Sure thing! I'll do my best to visit you. Even if I have to walk entire way to your Ponyville!" Twilight frowned. "Are you sure it's such a good idea? I mean, walking all the way? What about the sun and drying off?" Cnideria waved her fin giggling. "Nah, don't be silly. I'm not stupid. I'll walk to you when it's winter, the sun won't be so harsh." Twilight Sparkle wanted to say something, but Rarity poked her and showed it has no sense. Applejack leaned to the small pony and pointed her hoof at her. "Well, ya better look out for yourself sugahcube. It was a pleasure to meet ya." Cnideria jumped up and hugged her hoof. "Oh, I'm so glad you like me. I always try to make ponies like me, but for some reason..." Applejack let out a loud scream of pain, as Cnideria's mane touched her hoof. Jellypony jumped away and blushed, as AJ waved her hoof in the air. "Stings! Stings! What in tarnation?!?" Cnideria brushed her mane and said nervously. "I'm sorry, I can't control it. It's my mane. I forgot not to touch you with it. You're not angry, are you?" All five friends looked at Applejack who was now running away in desperate search for a bucket of ice. Flutter smiled awkwardly. "Och, I'm sure she's not. it wasn't your fault. I'm sure she'd say it's fine, if she wasn't running that fast right now." Small pony smiled and slowly backed away into the sea. "Och, that's great! I was afraid she might be angry or something. Anyway, I need to go now. It was a pleasure to meet all of you, my less-transparent friends. And please, tell Applejack the stinging will stop in 3 days. bye!" She waved her fin as she let the waves take her. Remaining five friends waved her goodbye for some time, after which Dashie turned to Flutter. "Ok, I have to say, it was the most awkward situation ever!" Rarity nodded as they slowly walked back. "I have to agree with Rainbow Dash. even meeting Pinkie's sister was less awkward." Pinkie rubbed her head. "Wait, what do you mean? Was meeting Maud really that..." Twilight stepped between them with awkward smile. "No, no, it was amazing, you know that. We're great friends now. and meeting Cnideria was different. I can't believe somepony could be that... erm..." Rainbow flew in front of the group. "That what? Empty-headed? No-brained? Next to her, I look like an egg-head! I swear on Celestia, she's the most stupid pony I've..." Suddenly, something big and grey flew fast at Dash, hitting her and sending her down into a small ditch. A loud shout could be heard. "CELESTIA'S SAKE! DERPY!" "Muffin?"
************
I've decided to reintroduce some of my old OC's drawn with my newer style
I tought about doing just that drawing, which is as well a big practice of my trensparacy drawing skills,Β
But after a while the idea for a story came in itself. I surely hope you like them both!
Proofread by Thank you SO MUCH for that ^^
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Comments: 121
PonyCleverBlue In reply to ??? [2014-07-27 08:04:08 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
I made her some time ago, but my skils developed a lot
since then. I tought it'd be a good idea to redraw her and made that story.
Im glad you like it!
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HailMyself In reply to ??? [2014-07-26 23:47:47 +0000 UTC]
You just get better and better at paint color.
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to HailMyself [2014-07-27 08:02:51 +0000 UTC]
Thanx! Its not allways me that os coloring, and I reallt appreciate your
opinion ^^ I still hate coloring though
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TP-Night In reply to ??? [2014-07-26 21:49:06 +0000 UTC]
such adorable OC <3
And that story was quite nice too, perfect cutesy background for the character.
However i DO feel that DA Description fields are not the best place for whole stories, even relatively short ones like this..
It's a bit limited in terms of how well it can be edited.
Don't get me wrong, the story ITSELF is wonderful, but the EDITING of it is, to be brutally honest, not quite so wonderful.
It feels like a wall of text, with barely any paragraphing or such things at all, just a plain wall.
Also, minor stuff like the description of Cnideria. you constantly switch between different words for her.
Seapony, tiny pony, jellypony, and so on.
SO, I would like to offer an interesting "collaboration" of sorts here..
Allow me to re-write it as an ACTUAL one-shot fanfic, AND posting it to FimFiction.
I would give YOU credit for the original story andΒ character, and I myself would take credit for re-writing the original into "my version", so to speak.
Thus we would BOTH get credit.
As for cover art, we COULD use this one, OR I can draw a new one in my own style.
Send me a note ad we can discuss further.
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to TP-Night [2014-07-27 08:02:00 +0000 UTC]
THANK YOU for that wonderfull support ^^
Seriously, Im so happy you find both art and story great!
You know how muvh that means to me
As for you rewriting it, I feel honoured you want to do that!
Thank you for the offer I gladly accept, if you let me
read it before you post it
As for art, Im not sure, we'll discuss it later.Β
But really, Im glad you like it so much you want to edit it
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blueSpaceling In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-30 19:38:49 +0000 UTC]
If I can add my two cents, I only want to say that I think that using alternately different words describing object or character is ok because it enrich the vocabulary of the story. Of course it can bring a little confusion to reader but in this case I haven't had any problems with understanding what these descriptions referred to.
I also think that the form of the story is also ok compared to your previous ones because It seems that you didn't bother with text formatting so much anyway
But if text is quite long you may consider moving speech lines to new text lines for better readability.
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TP-Night In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-27 12:13:39 +0000 UTC]
ofcourse I'll arrange for you to pre-read ^^
And very well, we'll discuss the cover-art part later then
As for the writing itself - What I plan to do is basically:
1 - Retype the entire thing from scratch, using your original as a reference for MOST of it, but also add / remove / slightly change SOME parts of it (no major parts, only minor details).
2 - Phrasing and sectioning, "chapter"-ize it, and give it more structure.
3 - have YOUR name credited as character design and author of the original story.
4 - have my own name credited as author of the edited version of the story.
5 - You OR me as cover-art credits, depending on whos art we use for that.
6 - explain most of this in "Authors Note" in the pre-story page.
7 - Upload to FimFiction, plus link it from here. (AFTER you pre-read and is satisfied with it.)
I will NOT change the dialogue per se, only the phrasing and structure of it. the words will be (almost entirely) the same.
When you have pre-read it, if you want ANYTHING changed, I'll fix that and let you read again, then repeat this process until we are both satisfied.
THEN I will upload.
Now then... Do you accept all of the above, or do you want anything changed?
If you accept, I will begin writing later this evening / night or tomorrow.
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to TP-Night [2014-07-27 14:48:37 +0000 UTC]
Everything sound fair enough, as long as Im credited ^^
I AGREE!
And thank you
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TP-Night In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-27 17:19:15 +0000 UTC]
Well then, later tonight I will look like this --->
Although, I won't be done in a single night even if I have the story already..
This is gonna take a few days or so to get right ^^
But when I DO get it done, it will be awesome Β
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to TP-Night [2014-07-27 19:12:08 +0000 UTC]
I'm sure of that my friend! It's gonna be suppadicious!
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TP-Night In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-28 02:32:14 +0000 UTC]
4:30 in the morning...
Insomnia...
PLAN B !!! Β
Work on the Cnideria story while listening to concert-volume music!
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to TP-Night [2014-07-28 12:58:23 +0000 UTC]
yay! And I'm just sitting here, trying to draw a massive request o.O
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TP-Night In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-28 19:23:56 +0000 UTC]
Change (delay) of plans!
I have a free weekend coming up now, so I figure I can spend THAT to edit / rewrite the Cnideria story..
I'm usually more energetic mid-day, when I'm caffeinated, so I do my best writing during the free weekends I sometimes have..
So I shall do that! It will be my weekend project! Β
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to MotownWarrior01 [2014-07-26 19:54:35 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! Thank you for that awesome opinion ^^
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MotownWarrior01 In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-26 19:55:49 +0000 UTC]
Anytime my friend!
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to MotownWarrior01 [2014-07-26 19:56:55 +0000 UTC]
Had the time to read the story?
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MotownWarrior01 In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-26 19:57:39 +0000 UTC]
I can't right now, I'm a little busy but I will read it soon, alright?
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PonyCleverBlue In reply to MotownWarrior01 [2014-07-26 19:59:19 +0000 UTC]
IT's ok, I was just asking if you're a fast reader xD
Worry not, take all the time you need my friend
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MotownWarrior01 In reply to PonyCleverBlue [2014-07-26 20:00:32 +0000 UTC]
Thanks BLUE CREW.
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