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Description
Spent so many years trying to figure out what was wrong with my head
Convincing myself the pills were all that kept the monster captive
Orange bottles lining the counter, pharmaceuticals reading "as needed"
I drowned myself in medication, in desperation, at the slightest verge from "the norm"
Slowly draining the individuality from my brain to be a mechanical farce of humanity

So many years thinking I was the problem, emotion was a threat
And the pills could stop it
I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, without wondering if without the meds
I was flawed
When did my own opinions become so hard to trust?
When did orange bottles start corralling my thoughts?
When did I finally refuse to be me and let the pills decide who I was?
Would it be too far to call it addiction, when the slightest emotion had me scrambling for anti-anxieties?
When "as needed" became "just in case" as a preemptive strike
As if it were heartburn medicine
Sure I never gulped them down like M&M's and was always careful to never overdose
But the need was still there
The longing for the crutch
I couldn't make a move without my medication cane

And now here we are when reality hits
When money becomes significant and far less abundant
And money pays for pills, and pills keep me "safe from myself"
How hard it was to wade out of denial!
How hard it was to admit I was ever dependent!
It took so much to see I was really
Stripping me of me

Description
Spent so many years trying to figure out what was wrong with my head
Convincing myself the pills were all that kept the monster captive
Orange bottles lining the counter, pharmaceuticals reading "as needed"
I drowned myself in medication, in desperation, at the slightest verge from "the norm"
Slowly draining the individuality from my brain to be a mechanical farce of humanity

So many years thinking I was the problem, emotion was a threat
And the pills could stop it
I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, without wondering if without the meds
I was flawed
When did my own opinions become so hard to trust?
When did orange bottles start corralling my thoughts?
When did I finally refuse to be me and let the pills decide who I was?
Would it be too far to call it addiction, when the slightest emotion had me scrambling for anti-anxieties?
When "as needed" became "just in case" as a preemptive strike
As if it were heartburn medicine
Sure I never gulped them down like M&M's and was always careful to never overdose
But the need was still there
The longing for the crutch
I couldn't make a move without my medication cane

And now here we are when reality hits
When money becomes significant and far less abundant
And money pays for pills, and pills keep me "safe from myself"
How hard it was to wade out of denial!
How hard it was to admit I was ever dependent!
It took so much to see I was really
Stripping me of me