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(( I'll never have another home game again. I played the Alma Mater for the last time to the home crowd. I did the dismissal for the last time in my home stadium. Next week will be my last game. Marching band is almost over. And I can't stop crying.

I managed to hold it together through most of the football game, but I teared up when I was talking to my best friend since Kindergarten during third quarter and I teared up when we played the Alma Mater at the end of the game and during dismissal. I held it together through IHOP because we were all laughing so hard at each other it didn't really matter. That was my last IHOP shindig.

It's hard to put into words how much marching band means to me and how much I love each and every member of the band and how much I'm going to miss everyone. We're all a family and we all share pain and joy and we all matter. I can think of at least 30 people right now that I'm going to miss so much when I'm gone and I know that they'll miss me.

This huge part of my life is over and I'm not getting it back. I hugged the head band director with my best friend (the one I call my wife) and my boyfriend. When the hug was over, the three of us had to get away from our director quickly because all four of us were going to cry. We all care so much for each other. I've been through so much in the band.

In just four years I've seen the band succeed, go through tragedy and become incredibly close because of this, I've seen us become something amazing in five days, and I've seen us just blow the competition out of the water. I've seen us do amazing at so many competitions, I've seen the best and the worst of the band. And at the end of this year I'm going to say goodbye.

I don't know what to do. ))