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UnImpossible — pick up.
Published: 2010-07-29 12:03:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 393; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 1
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Description ring
ring
ring

lady Raucous from downstairs
'get the phone!'

'lizzie, get the phone.'

'moo-om, he's making me -'

'fine, fine.'
whispers: 'brat'
-click-
'hello?'
and instantly be glad you picked up because
wails and sobs fold you in
-to a conversation you never wanted
in the first place.

'think about it, though,
if you killed yourself
who would i have to torture then?'
            besides, it's kind of true -

'ha. ha.'
bitter laughs dropping from her lips
like bad medicine.
'you're very funny, you know that?'

'i know that'

'it was sarcasm.'

'... i know that'

'oh forget it'
-click-
and then she's gone
leaving empty space where her sharp voice should be.

so what choice is left
but to climb a tree
and knock on a window?

        screams -
'what the hell are you doing?'
        and
'what's wrong with you?'
juxtaposed by a gentle
'come inside, it's freezing.'

this time you'll make her laugh for real
because she's it's important [to you.]

and if she killed herself
who would you torture
anyway?
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UnImpossible - tribute to the caterpillars
Comments: 5

IsabellaMichel [2010-08-26 03:58:06 +0000 UTC]

I read them poem once, twice and then scrolled down to look at other comments. Then I saw the comment about how it was like fitting together puzzle pieces and i realize that's exactly how I feel. This poem...., I do personally love it. However, my mind doesn't know what to make of it, only the feel of the poem is something I know I adore. It's strange. It's like I'm separating myself between completely in love and completely....nearly upset. There really was something sad, something dark about it. It made me feel vulnerable. Yes, that's the feeling.

I don't find the formatting off and the dialog works very well for me. Honestly, this is a wonderful poem. The only thing for me is perhaps needed capitalization in some places. Even though poetry is very free and artistic and I LOVE that it is myself, I do feel that proper punctuation can really intensify the meaning of the poem. It tells a reader when to pause, to stop and think and when empowers the reader to intensify segments of the poem that are most prominent and those that aren't.

I apologize for the rant. And I honestly love this poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Vigilo [2010-08-25 22:50:24 +0000 UTC]

I keep on getting the unsettling feeling that the last lines should be switched around to "and if she killed herself/who would torture you/anyway?" but maybe that's my strange side speaking.

The poem's wonderful - I love the line "this time you'll make her laugh for real/because she's - it's important [to you.]" and the entire 'story-in-a-poem' thing. Brilliant and beautiful!

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kittykittyhunter [2010-08-02 20:52:43 +0000 UTC]

I think the kind of jarred atmosphere it has suits the piece. The style is kind of volatile, which, to me, reflects what the narrator is feeling. And the title makes me think of picking up various puzzle piece, so it fits together nicely. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MysticFay [2010-08-02 05:05:52 +0000 UTC]

This is very cute. I adore affectionate violence that goes on between two people, and a good conversation with a friend can always help you escape family problems. Nice work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Pola-444 [2010-07-29 22:10:30 +0000 UTC]

I like your use of the theme. I find the last two lines of the last stanza to be a little bit off setting and kinda ruined the flow of the poem. However, I absolutely adored your use of formatting for this poem. I think it worked well.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0