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Elf5
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"Nearly Silent Insanity"
# Statistics
Favourites: 202; Deviations: 164; Watchers: 39
Watching: 35; Pageviews: 29095; Comments Made: 5161; Friends: 35
# Comments
Comments: 547
Happy early Birthday, Maeve!!!!
I feel like such a doh-doh brain for losing touch with you!!! The last few years of college were brutal!
But yeah, just wanted to wish you a Happy early Birthday and say hi. We should note again! I really miss that! ^___^
So, how've you been?
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Thanks, darling! When did 25 years go by?! Its so funny, I was actually thinking about you not long ago. I don't spend much time on DA these days. And I totally understand - I didn't really keep up my end either. Life has just been super complicated. I'm living in another state, working two jobs and generally just this side of overwhelmed. But mostly, I'm doing alright. How are you?
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You're welcome, m'dear!
I'm glad to hear you're doing okay! Working 2 jobs is tough!!! I might be in that situation soon... >.>
I'm hangin' in there. I had jaw surgery on August 26th, and I'm STILL recovering! It's a long process. So I've been on medical leave and not in school (I already got a Bachelor's, but I probably won't be going that route anymore). So I might go back to school to get a second Bachelor's (but this time B.F.A. instead of B.A.) in illustration. I can't think of anything else I want to do other than art... It just feels like an awkward transitional point in my life lol.
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It's not easy, but it pays the bills. Considering I totaled my car two weeks ago, the extra cash is a godsend.
I know what you mean. There are just not "real jobs" for people like us these days. I want to go back to school, but I can't afford it. So I'm looking to get certified as a teacher. It isn't my dream job, but its a good job, and one i know I can do. I wish I could write for a living, but I'm not going to bank on that!
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ooh, I'm SO sorry about your car! That's rough. Are you doing okay? It sounds like you've been going through a lot.... I'm sorry... 
Exactly! I feel like that too! I'm looking to get certified as a pre-school teacher, maybe just an assistant for now. I think I want to go ahead and pursue illustration on the side in the mean-time. I know I can never make a living off of my art and my writing, but it doesn't hurt to do it on the side! ^___^
Hang in there, girl! 
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It was pretty fucked up. But I have a new car and things are settling back down. It was a rough two weeks.
Ugh, yeah. I really wish there was a better way to make money. Earning a living is a bitch! I need to start studying for the Praxis. I want to teach the higher grades so I can actually talk to them. Small children are like tiny, drunk people. I subbed in an elementary school and it was really frustrating.
Thanks, and the same goes to you.
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I'm glad your car's all fixed now!
Lol I felt frustrated in the Jr. High and High School levels. I guess everyone has their niche. But I love the way you put it! Tiny drunk people. HAHA! ROFL
Thank you! And you're welcome!
Read any good books lately?
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Me too! That rental was a shiny tin can.
Well they are! Its the lack of self-control that really makes me see red. I was subbing in a 2nd grade class and I had to give them a test. They had one hour to finish it. They could not stop talking. Not for more than three minutes. None of them finished their tests. I tried everything. Bribery, threats, separating them. EVERYTHING. I was about to murder them! At least with the little shits in middle and high school they've learned how to shut the hell up!
No, I haven't. I've been working 6 and 9 day weeks. I hardly have time to sleep and eat, let alone read. What about you?
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lol nice. The rental car sounds horrible.
LOL I guess you're right. I had such a hard time getting my high schoolers to shut up, though! I tried EVERYTHING and it didn't even work! Not even a threatening a trip to the principal's office!!! >.> Little fucker ('scuse my French). I do still worry about him, though, because I found out right before I left student teaching that he smokes pot. We couldn't prove it, but we all knew he was doing it. It was obvious in the parent-teacher meeting we had with the Vice Principal of Discipline. *sigh*
Whoa, that sounds like a nightmare!!! I feel blessed to have the time off, but I've been out of school since March, and I haven't worked in 2 months because of my jaw surgery. I'm so bored I want to bang my head against the wall! But at least I'm getting a lot of art done, so that's a plus. I'm just not used to so much free time right now. The last 6 years of college were killer... and now I have more school to do still! *sigh* Excited but not really. I JUST applied for state disability insurance and got it yay! So now I'll have some income coming in rather 'cuz I haven't had ANY for the past 2 months. I hate depending on my parents so much, but I can't help it if I haven't been able to talk clearly for 2 months!
I'm sort of reading a bunch of books right now. I'm switching off between something called Eden Hall (a Christian book. My first time reading one of those. Quite nice, actually!), Twilight (yes. My friend calls it brain candy. It's horrible but you can't stop reading it lolz), The Wolf Gift (by Anne Rice) and a biography about Anne Rice. I know, I read too much at the same time lolz! XD
SORRY FOR THE SUPER LONG COMMENT! ROFL
So, whatever happened to your webcomic? Are you going to be able to work on it when you get some more time? I'm thinking of starting a comic, because I have this super epic software to make manga now yay! XD
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Oh, our webcomic... Geeze, I haven't thought about that in AGES! Yeah, we totally let that die. Its sad, but we just couldn't keep up. Now we're so far behind its impossible.
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Aww, I'm so sorry!
I know, I have a couple of projects from the past that I let die, because my ideas list has gotten too huge! So I understand.
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Yeah, its just too long dead. Cloudy and I still throw ideas around, but its never coming back.
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Aww I'm sorry to hear that.
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You're very welcome, dear!
I consider you to be a very good friend, even if we lost touch for a while. ^^
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Aw, thanks. I think of you as a good friend too! *hugs*
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Thanks! And happy Halloween to you!
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Hey! I haven't heard from you since the beginning of the summer. Just checking up on how things are!
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Hello, deary. Things are going alright. Things in France are perhaps not all I had hoped they might be. My employer is, in a word, an asshole. The kid is a brat and it rains all the time. Other than that and the crushing homesickness, all is well. How are things with you?
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That's less than fortunate, I'm sorry. How long are you there for/is there a contract involved?
Things are great on my end. Universities and whatnot. I'll be headed to England again in December to spend the holidays with my boyfriend, so all is successful in that regard!
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Yeah... I'm stuck here until the end of July. I kind of regret this whole thing. Sometimes, I wish I'd just stayed home. I'm honestly considering faking some serious problem at home to give myself a reason to break my contract.
I'm glad things are going so well with you. It makes me happy to know you're doing well. Any other news? Any interesting experiences? You know what I mean?
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July?! That's so far away! Is there any other way you could get out of contract? Do they offer housing there? I'm just curious how often you're with the little angels.
Plenty of interesting experiences, I'll have you know that! It was a really great summer. Really great. And, if all goes according to plan, I'll be doing some European traveling next summer.
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Yeah... I spend almost every day with the kid. I'm trying to get out of the contract and come home early. But my parents are kind of pushing me to "work it out". I just want to go home. So know my goal is to save enough money to afford the tip home. Dad pointed out I'd have to put the flight on my credit card and I'd have to find another job to pay it off. I don't know how to talk to these people. I'm not doing very well, to be honest.
I'm glad things are going so well for you. I'm totally jealous! You'll have to tell me all about it. So, anything "special" happen since we last talked? And I mean that in the way only you and I understand. No sexual innuendo. But if that sort of thing happened that'd be noteworthy too!
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How old is the kid? Would you look for jobs similar to this elsewhere or just go back and work at home? Either way, that sounds like an awful position to be in. How's the language barrier there?
That's what I was implying! (Not the sexual part haha) Lots and lots of dreams this summer. And a lot of connections have been made. It's almost like everything from the past few years has sort of prepared me for a successful long distance relationship. It's weird that the way I felt back in 2010 is a similar feeling to how I feel now. (Plenty of sexual stuff, too, I suppose!)
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He's 2 1/2 and spoiled. It's not a good situation at all. I'm trying to make the best of the situation. I can't just drop everything and go home bc there are no jobs at home. My brother needs the car for school so I'd have no way to get to work if I did find a job. So what can I do? The language barrier is like a brick wall. No one here speaks English and I suck at French.
Ooooh! I want to hear all about your dreams! Tell me, tell me! I've had nothing in ages! I'm glad all that drama from a few years ago has done good for you. I want to hear about the sexual stuff too, if you feel like sharing.
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2 1/2 is a rough age anyways. Geez. You're stuck between a rock and a very hard place. The holidays won't be easy either. I'm sorry, Maeve! How was your birthday? I hope it was okay!!
I've had so many similar dreams where I'm looking through the eyes of Betsy again and getting the news of Nathan's death and just sobbing uncontrollably but then it turns into present day and it's actually Alex that's dead. The dreams are all presented differently and different situations (though I'm well aware of how it "actually" went down) but I find it odd that Alex has been incorporated. I don't think it's anything negative but sort of represents a change in focus more or less. Though I'll still be driving and zone out and I can just feel the emptiness she felt in the days following. It's not a good feeling!
And for the sexual stuff, lots of that haha. At least while Alex was here. It's sort of been hell each Skype call where we can see each other but no touch! Torture, I tell you, torture haha.
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My birthday was alright. It's hard to enjoy anything with the cloud looming over my head, but it was good all things considered. I'm leaving, by the way. I'm going to hold out through November and then make a break for it. I just can't do this anymore.
Well, that sounds unpleasant. Dreaming about his death over and over again. And then having Alex in the mix too. Does not sound like fun. I understand that weird ability to train in on their emotions. At the moment, I'm so unhappy I can't feel much else, but normally, I can still feel how broken William was at the end.
I can imagine how tough it must be to be so far apart. But at least you have someone to love and hold onto. And just five years ago you wouldn't have had skype.
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Sorry! Hurricane Sandy sort of knocked out our wifi for a few days and I just got it back yesterday! (Along with cable. It was a rough week haha.)
Did you do anything there for your birthday? The family celebrate at all? Let me know how this leaving goes. I say it's for the best. France or Europe in general would be better enjoyed with a better environment and when you're not alone.
No, it wasn't pleasant at all! I still get it now and then. Much less frequent and all the hype over Nathan's death in The Dreamer hasn't exactly desensitized me, but I see everyone freaking out about it, but it's a completely different character than the Nathan I knew. So everything is a bit strange at the moment. And I know exactly what you mean about still feeling. It's strange how we don't feed off of much positive, but more negative. I suppose it's because those feelings tend to bleed out more than the others.
I'm extremely grateful for Skype. It's so strange to think I've found someone so amazing on youtube and now we've met and hardly care about the distance. You know, it's obviously not easy, but I'd rather have any distance and have him than not have him at all.
Thanks past life regression for my preparation!
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Oh dear! I heard Sandy did a number on y'all. How are things now? Sounds like a rough week, indeed.
I went out with two girls I met. It was ok, but I was down it was hard to enjoy. I'm leaving on the 8th. I'll be home by late afternoon on the 10th. I'm so happy! And I get to spend a whole day in Paris! Yay! I wish I had someone to share this with, though.
I think the negative emotions are so strongly felt bc they left such a mark on our souls. Sure happy times are great, but they don't change to course of your life. Loosing the love of your life, being rejected by the person you loved; that leaves a mark you can feel centuries later. I can't imagine how surreal all this hype the Dreamer has kicked up must be fore you. In a way, I'm glad my lives are forgotten and unrecorded.
I'm glad you're looking at this situation in a positive light. I think our past lives have taught us a lot. I'm thankful you've found someone who makes you happy and that you can take the challenges in stride.
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Things aren't too bad now! We hardly got hit (which was scary) but it was pretty intense. A lot of towns around us lost power for quite a bit. Now we're expecting another storm!
Are they French? Have a good last few days! Is the family sad to see you go? Get Cloudy to come with you next time!
This is definitely true. It makes me wonder why happy emotions don't leave a mark though. I suppose it's because it's through the negative that defines you as a person, if that makes sense. Though I'm sure you'd like to remember the happy times with Fatima? Or even with James? Though it seems to seems to me that your lives have been, for the most part, negative emotions, with losing James, Fatima's rejection, and Thomas just being a moody man. I'm sure it wasn't all that bad, but it's sort of sad that's all we get to see!
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I hope you don't get snowed it or something. It's funny, where I come from, a hurricane is nothing but give us an inch of snow and the whole city shuts down. lol Be safe!
Yeah, they're French. And no, I don't think they're sad to see me leave. It was a mutual break up, I suppose you could say. We just didn't mesh well. And he's such a fucking asshole! I am so happy to be shot of them!
It is sad we don't retain more of the positive, but if you think about it, most of the defining moments in our lives are negative. Sure, I'd like to remember moments of joy and peace, from any lifetime, but I don't see them making the same impact. I know there were happy times with Fatima and James, I can feel the impressions, I just can't recall any specifics. Of course, everything with her is colored with the rejection and heartache.
So, have you told your boy about your past lives? I just realized I'd never thought to ask that, but it's kind of a big thing.
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Hardly any snow! But still power outages. It's more or less the wind now. Thank you! I remember still going to school with nearly a foot of snow once (while still snowing).
Have a safe trip! At least you can say you did this! There wasn't exactly a way to test and see if it would work out either, given the distance. Would you want to try it again sometime?
I have to agree. I definitely feel like a lot of those good times with Fatima would be jaded with the heartbreak William felt. Though with James I'm sure there could be a lot more potential for happy memories. I do hope you feel some at some point! I think you deserve it!
And funny you ask! I told him that I had dreams a lot and when he asked a few questions I didn't go into complete detail but I did tell him some vague details and he just thought it was really interesting. I didn't say past lives, or anything like that, I just mentioned dreams. He thought it was pretty interesting!
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I'm glad things are getting better. I was worried about all my people up in Sandy's way! My college was was hardcore like that. Snow shut us down, but a foot of flood water and pouring rain? It's nothing, hope in a plastic trash bin and paddle to class! lol
I'm in Paris right now. I saw the Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffle Tower and I spent most of the day in the Louvre! It was great. My plane takes off tomorrow morning and I'll be back home by 5:30 tomorrow! I'm so ready for that. And NO. I will NEVER do the au pair thing again. Fuck that. I do plan to travel more. I just found out my friend and her husband are being stationed at that huge military base outside London so I'm totally going to visit them - and London.
Yeah, I know there must have been good memories with Fatima, but I sure don't remember them. I have ideas about good memories with James. You know when you think of a friend or a place that you have really strong positive connections with,but you aren't thinking of any specific memory? You just know it's good? That's what it's like for me when I think about James.
Well, he seems receptive to the idea. Maybe you could find a way to bring up past lives in conversation with him and see what his thoughts on the matter are. It would be a good way to test the waters. Just a thought. Who knows, maybe he has some of the same things going on that we do.
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I'm alright. Just been bored trying to find more people to chat/roleplay with. :3
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Well, I've never tried role playing before. What fandoms are you in?
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really you haven't? And fandoms currently Avengers and Yu Yu Hakusho. xD why?
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No, I guess I really got into fandom and the internet late. I'm also shit at talking to people online. Also - college = time suck. So yeah, I've never tried role playing before.
I'm not into anime, but Avengers is my current obsession!
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Avengers it is xD haha.
When I do fandoms I usually play my OC and the 'love interest' of the other person's OC... and hopefully they will do the same. xD My favorite character in the Avengers is Tony x3 hehehe
Got an IM system you use?
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I don't actually... I'm not sure I have the time for an RP right now. I have graduation and some other shit in the next few weeks. Rain check?
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Sure a rain check is completely fine with me 
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