SideOut7 In reply to CallistaUrsa [2014-06-10 02:54:08 +0000 UTC]

Hey, no prob Your writing's a little rough in a few spots, but you have great pacing and description! (Sorry, it's hard to turn off the editor brain XD )

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CallistaUrsa In reply to SideOut7 [2014-06-12 02:26:29 +0000 UTC]

P.S. Your photos are beautiful I especially like the ones from your wedding!

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CallistaUrsa In reply to SideOut7 [2014-06-12 02:23:58 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! That's probably a fair assessment At this point I do most of my own editing, which can make it hard to tell which parts need smoothed out. Constructive comments are always welcome

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SideOut7 In reply to CallistaUrsa [2014-06-13 01:52:52 +0000 UTC]

Dude, I totally understand. I mean, I edit for a living and still don't trust myself to edit my own stuff after a while XD Do you have CP's? They help A LOT.

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CallistaUrsa In reply to SideOut7 [2014-06-17 17:52:46 +0000 UTC]

Wow, being an editor would be really cool! I guess I'm not up on the language, but what are CP's?

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SideOut7 In reply to CallistaUrsa [2014-06-18 03:05:13 +0000 UTC]

CP's = critique partners. Other authors who are at your same level. (Beta readers are the people who are just readers who give you feedback.)

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CallistaUrsa In reply to SideOut7 [2014-06-25 23:26:59 +0000 UTC]

I can definitely see where that would come in extremely handy!

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SideOut7 In reply to Tooel [2014-01-20 22:55:31 +0000 UTC]

Haha, well, I'm glad you found me  

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Tooel In reply to SideOut7 [2014-01-20 23:40:17 +0000 UTC]

Mhm. ^^

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 02:16:50 +0000 UTC]

Umm, I think so. . .

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 02:31:20 +0000 UTC]

I wrote a story for Phoenix-Cry about a month back.

I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to give me some advise on a story I have written and tell me if a critic has merit in what they are saying to me? The story does need work I know that but I can't tell if she's being hyper sensitive and rude or if there truly is wrong with the entire idea...

Think you can help me out? I ask because I've read some of you stuff and would respect your critic and opinion in the matter.

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 02:36:42 +0000 UTC]

Oh, yeah, no problem. That's business as usual for me . Hit me with it whenever you like

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 02:44:00 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!!! [link] The person is the last 6 reviews... You may have seen her around Phoenix-Cry's work. I have private messages with her too in an effort to try and improve but... I can't get any constructive criticism out of her...

I really appreciate this!

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 02:45:23 +0000 UTC]

Bleh, flamers are the pits. I'll take a look right now.

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 02:47:23 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 02:50:55 +0000 UTC]

Ok, well, I already looked at the first chapter just for preview work. Honestly, I don't think there is anything really wrong with it other than the grammar. What did the flamer say?

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 02:59:05 +0000 UTC]

The entire review for chapter one (just... chapter... ONE!)

Uh, hi! It’s R0-S3/Rose from over at dA. You probably have a vague idea of who I am (I’m the one who invented Sibek... who you should know, seeing as how you wrote a story about him and all).

So I’m here to review your fic. You’ll... probably wish I wasn’t, though. I’m one of nature’s critics, and I’m not very nice in my criticism.

Before anything, can I just say that I’m not very fond of vulcan/human hybrids on the whole? Much of the time, they seem to exist purely so the creator can have a character who has all the awesome parts of vulcans (hyper-intelligence, super-strength, pointed ears, etc) but also has human emotions. I’ll be looking to you to show me that Ari isn’t just another one of those cop-out characters.

Right, so starting off. You use a lot of flat, simple sentences. This is a very dull thing to do. My instant reaction is ‘this is boring’. I am trying to mimic your sentence structure for this paragraph. I’m not very good at it.

...seriously, it nearly killed me to type that way. How do you manage it? I’d respect you for it if it wasn’t for the fact that it makes your opening paragraph entirely dull and devoid of anything that might possibly grip me.

If both her vulcan side and her human side agree that this is a stupid and dangerous stunt, why the hell is she doing it?

...because she’s a ‘rebellious troubled teen’. Right. So she’s a complete idiot. Glad we got that sorted out quickly, because now I can start disliking her immediately instead of having it creep up on me slowly.

Having your character do something stupid purely to show what an awesomesauce rebel they are is annoying in the extreme. Just because you’re a whiny brat who is hatin’ on the System doesn’t mean you have to lack anything approaching common sense.

...do you actually know anything about how to break into cars? I don’t, so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that this is how real-life car thieves do it.

But newsflash: This Is The Future. Even though you said the car is ancient, Star Trek takes past over two hundred years into the future. Again, benefit of the doubt, the car can survive that long. Do you really think people would still be burning fossil fuels in the 23rd century?

This would be quite a cool scene if you actually thought a little. Taking the technology into account, having Ari hack into the car’s onboard computer system to accept her as the driver would be far more interesting and realistic, and as a bonus would introduce her early on as being both highly intelligent and the type of person who has enough criminal knowledge to hack the car in the first place.

Like, ohmigod. I totally can’t believe that guy just did that. I mean, she only stole his car. How dare he be pissed off at her?

Please. I want to wake up and find that this was all just a bad dream, or some kind of hideous drug-induced fantasy.

Look. Ari stole this man’s car. She took a valuable piece of property without the owner’s permission. He has every right to be angry at her. She is entirely in the wrong here.

But no. According to you, Ari isn’t subject to the same laws as the rest of the universe. What a jerk, this guy is pissed at her for stealing his car, doesn’t he know she’s special?

Right. So, kid going off the walls, father is at his wit’s end, sends them into the military to get them straightened out. Nothing particularly original, but it’s nice to know that there’ll be a plot outside of ‘look how magically special Ari is’.

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK.

PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST DO THAT.

Locking someone in a cupboard for five hours is not funny. It’s not clever, it’s not cool, it’s not edgy and rebellious. It’s CRUEL.

I officially hate Ari right now. She is an obnoxious little shit who doesn’t care the toss about other people as long as she gets to have fun.

Congratulations, I think this is a new record. It took me fully three chapters to start hating Bella Swann with this kind of a passion. You ought to get some sort of award for that

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 03:06:23 +0000 UTC]

To be honest, her points are halfway valid, but she is attacking far too melodramatically. Honestly, this would be a good criticism if she wasn't so vindictive and rude. Yes, the sentence structure needs work, but I have seen SO much worse (I tutor high school and college kids). Yes, Ari does come off as uncaring and wild, but I trust that your story is going to have her develop and grow. Hahaha, I hate to agree with her about the car, but she has a tiny point there. Really, this is just a person with a superiority complex who has been holding in a lot of bitterness. Just block her and keep chugging

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 03:12:44 +0000 UTC]

And to those facts I agreed with her. But she written a review for ever chapter that she's read (6) and they all sing the same tune. "Ari's a brat, this is the future, locking someone in a closet is wrong, Ari is a brat, Joe should have had her arrested, blah blah blah..." She even told me in one of our private messages that, from what she's read both here and there, I'm not a good enough of a writer to not have Ari save the world and stay with her growing out of this faze of her life...

Really think I should just block her?

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 03:18:45 +0000 UTC]

Honestly, it's the only way to get rid of pests like her. If she can't take out her anger on you, she'll find some other outlet for it and go to someone else. Y es, it could use work. No, not from a bitchy harridan. BTW, thanks for fave-ing Alessa and Jorlin

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 03:25:10 +0000 UTC]

alright thanks for the advise! and you're welcome! I look forward to reading more of it!

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SideOut7 In reply to Longdragon92 [2010-11-16 03:30:10 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha, anytime. If you need an editor, I'm always up for it. Phoenix-Cry hasn't finished anything concrete lately and my other client is on a writer's block, so I'm pretty open right now

Btw, Alessa and Jorlin probably won't be worked on for a few months. One of my novels is almost ready for publication, so I have to focus on that one first

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 15:37:32 +0000 UTC]

[link] Could you take a look at these? There is something about that bug me but I don't know what it is...

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Longdragon92 In reply to SideOut7 [2010-11-16 15:07:51 +0000 UTC]

Yay!! Thank you!

Well the one that would bring money in is more important... ^_^ I wish you all the luck in the world!!

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 00:39:53 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha, what work is that? If it's the pics, then my mother is the actual photographer. I just do the photoshop on them. If it's the writing, then yeah, that's me and my ex-fiance

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 00:46:25 +0000 UTC]

I was referring to it all. I love it. I'm going to study to be a photographer and I write on the side. XD

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 00:48:46 +0000 UTC]

Oh sweetness Yeah, I don't post my books on here for copyright reasons, but I don't mind sharing our screenplays

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 01:24:24 +0000 UTC]

I understand. Wish I could write like you! Is the model you?

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 01:25:54 +0000 UTC]

Model. . . for what? If you mean the girl in every picture, then yes, that's me.

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 01:29:51 +0000 UTC]

Yes, I meant the girl. XD Wow, you're beautiful (in a friendly way I swear! XD)

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 01:59:46 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha it's ok. Only girls think I'm pretty, for some reason. All the guys find me scary

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 02:03:18 +0000 UTC]

Whats scary about you? D: I know how that goes. >.>

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 02:13:49 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha, well I write music and novels and am smarter than most of them, so that may be it XD

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 02:23:52 +0000 UTC]

I never tried writing music before. XDD I'm still learning my notes. Novels? What sort? Lets me, I'ma on and off poet, fanfic writer, and photographer...yep Men shall FEAR US! XD

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 02:33:33 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha, well I started writing music when I was little and actually started writing them down when I was 12 or 13, so it's a process. And ALL sorts of novels. I have one in almost every genre. I just don't release them (at least, until my masterpiece is done. . . )

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 03:32:18 +0000 UTC]

Wow, busy life you lead. ^^ Are you published? If so, what name do you go by

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SideOut7 In reply to My-Lil-Nightmare [2010-09-11 04:15:20 +0000 UTC]

Haha, not yet. I won't release any of my books until I finish my favorite one.

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My-Lil-Nightmare In reply to SideOut7 [2010-09-11 20:02:58 +0000 UTC]

I understand. Cant wait to read your work one day. XD

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