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alliebryuhh — the walls
Published: 2007-04-26 22:27:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 71; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
the walls are white with blood.they shiver from the cold
of hardened souls
and broken families.
they take it.
the beating of heads.
the constant angst.
the tortured confusion.
i pity those tollerant walls
which
breathe the pain
for those, sweet, who cannot.
encarcerated within.
lost and hungry.
pained and 'lone.
i wonder...
if i touch them will they
feel it?
do they know my sympathy?
will they warm at my gentle touch?
the goosebumps
will come
like a million
little tears grouping
to wash
the walls.
the walls that are white with blood.
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Comments: 2
Advanced Critique Encouraged. Aww now i have to be completely serious. Ok, I can pull this off. The first half of this i think is great, but you let it down witht he 2nd half. It begins with "the goosebumps", how the topic just seems to dissappear. Maybe its the lack of 4 questions. I think thats it. Also I don't like how it ends with the same line as the first line. It doesn't fit by the end. "the walls." is a btter ending.
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i think you're right about the questions. they're kinda too much. but it was sort of meant to be bitter i guess. idk. well thanks for the critique! buh bye.
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