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Published: 2011-07-31 18:46:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 243; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Chapter 1The sun started to shine through the thin curtains, into a small bedroom. The room was sparse, it contained a bed and a desk. The desk was full of books and sketches, while the bed was occupied by Rex.
Rex was 16, he was sent to boarding school at 5 by his parents as they wanted him to do better than they ever did. They sacrificed months and months of pay, within days of him enrolling at the River's School of Future Success his parents had passed on due to malnutrition. These events inflicted so much pain, that he always kept to himself and rarely opened up.
A girl with short blonde hair sneaked into the room, this was Sarah.
"Rex, get up! Get up! We can finally leave." She screamed.
"Yeah, well I haven't a partner, have fun with your friends." He groaned.
"Come on we're a great team, and anyway they are so up themselves."
"Really, I thought so too." His face beamed.
"Alright, now let's sort out your backpack."
"Already done." He chuckled.
"You knew all along."
They both awkwardly laughed, took a deep breath and left the room.
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Comments: 6
ryanwaff [2011-08-02 20:18:12 +0000 UTC]
Hey man great start! just watch your spelling in the first line: "The desk was full of books and sketched" i pretty sure its meant to be 'sketches' and not 'sketched'.
And when you introduce Sarah's only friend, saying that she "sneaked" into the room, I'm not 100% sure, but im pretty certain that it should be snuck?? check it
Otherwise, great beginning, grips the reader from the beginning, which is what a few books now days lack.
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bfreeman0 In reply to ryanwaff [2011-08-02 20:53:46 +0000 UTC]
thanks, snuck is an American English term, sneaked is worldwide so that's why I used that word instead.
Hoped you would like it, will continue it soon .
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ryanwaff In reply to bfreeman0 [2011-08-03 12:06:02 +0000 UTC]
ah alright i was taught with the American English method of grammar
I do, it has potential
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bfreeman0 In reply to ryanwaff [2011-08-03 14:44:52 +0000 UTC]
Shame there isn't just one standard, would be a lot easier
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ryanwaff In reply to bfreeman0 [2011-08-03 16:37:08 +0000 UTC]
agreed but it is also what gives us culture
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