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CipherDecoder — Paranoia: Chapter 1 [Antisepticeye]
Published: 2018-01-20 14:45:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 671; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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ParanoiaChapter 1: Deep Cut
The alarm rang. Jack got up, and went through his usual morning routine. However, he couldn’t remember anything about yesterday. When he looked in the mirror, he noticed a fresh cut on his neck, and none of his windows were smashed, same with the door lock, so harm from outside forces is out of the picture. Just then, he hears a voice in his head. It sounds like his, but demented, strange, manic.
“Hello, Jack!” The demented voice echoed throughout his brain. “Who are you?” Jack asked, nervously. “Why, I’m the collection of what your fans have made. I’m your evil! Your darker side! And, thanks to your fans, I’ve gained enough power to take you over!” Jack falls down, and Anti has taken over.
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Comments: 2
Nice work, my bro. Id make it a little longer, though. Maybe describe the setting and set the mood before you jump straight I not the action. You don't have to say much, but a paragraph or even just a few sentences can give your readers time to adjust and prepare for the action, and they won't feel overwhelmed. Also, its a good idea to split up a conversation into paragraphs, like start a new paragraph each time someone new is talking.
Its got potential! With a little work, clip think it'll be a good fic. I can't wait to see what happens next!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
oh seeing the next part with m y fics?
dude, if im not in writers block the first half OF A CHAPTER, the universe is broke af
👍: 0 ⏩: 0