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Daemoria β Mission report
Published: 2017-09-13 16:40:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 4395; Favourites: 117; Downloads: 90
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Description
Lt. Gavrila Myshkina: born 12 March, 2555 on Earth.Β Raised by fishermen in a small village on the Volga.Commanders don't just live on the battlefield. Sometimes there is paperwork to deal with as well.
Gav's sketch was provided by, and in no way stolen from, . Go check out his gallery, Do it now.
(EDIT: Fixed shadows and highlights)
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Comments: 41
m-m-mate, actually "Gavrila" is a masculine given name.
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You'll have to bring that up with her creator, TangledSyntax . :}
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She needs to be holding a cup of hot tea in her right hand as she reads.
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Ensign: Lieutenant? If you can hear my voice - OW!
(crashing noise)
Gavrila: (sigh) Mission report, Lt. Gavrila Myshkina. The cloaking device test took a rather... unexpected turn.
Ensign: Oh, crap, I hope that wasn't the sensor pod...
Gravila: This ship is indeed invisible. Outside... and inside.
Ensign: Lieutenant? I think I can hear you - D'ARGH F*CK MY FOOT! F*CK!!
Gravila: For some reason, I am still able to see my chair. So not only does the device not do what we want, it doesn't do what it does do at 100% efficiency.
Ensign: Is this the door? I think this is the door! Lieutenant, seriously, I can hear my voice, so if you can hear it--
(pssst-SHUNK)
Ensign: F*CK THE MOTION SENSORS CAN'T SEE ME MY ARM'S STUCK LIEUTENANT HELP!!
Gravila: My plan at the moment is to wait out the device's power cycle timer, which hopefully our panicked ensign remembered to set.
Ensign: ... oh, right. That would have been smart, eh? Is, um... that why you were ignoring me?
Gravila: (sigh) I'll start feeling around for the control panel, have fun with that door.
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And the higher up you get, the more paperwork there is...
Trying to work out if that is actually meant to be a chair, or just some piece of machinery she has re-purposed as such.
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Hot damn, Dae. I dunno if distance (or time) makes the heart grow fonder, but every time I see your work, it's like you've leapt up another evolutionary scale. I love the cell shaded/layered lighting and the stylistic outlines and shapes. Sex. : 3
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Report Begins:
"Military Intelligence failed us once again.
This PoS 'chair' is all that remains of a
once-mighty battle vehicle and crew.
Screw you all, I'm taking a nap."
Report Ends.
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I could tell you some stories of my own, but then I'd have to feed you to my ladies, to keep state secrets secure. (Worked electronic warfare systems for USAF)
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It's funny, how the MI community is so closed mouthed about their work. I've known a man who installed security systems (cables, monitors, computers, cameras, microphones) for the military, an actual Army Intelligence officer, a Signals Intelligence Tech (spy satellite downlinks to big dishes), and you... none of who say a thing about their work except it's "Fairly boring, and highly technical... you wouldn't be interested." 
The only answer I have is that it really is that boring, and truly quite technical
Β Β ...either that or aliens.
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*Yinda hums the Twilight theme*
]][.The troof is ouΝΝΜΜ€tΜ’Μ€Μ¨Μ there... .I ateΜΜ§ ΜΝiΜΜΉtΝΜ][[
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*poorly whistles X-Files theme*
The truth is delicious, but a bit spicy!
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Ooh! I like her daddy
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Oooo I really like this pose and the mood of the lighting.
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This is really impressive. Really powerful and iconic.
(Obligatory "humorous" comment also in this comments thread, see below.)
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This might be the worst office ever. A reject tank tread for a chair, and a boot for a desk which looks like it might double as her filing cabinet.
Maybe the Soviets should aim a little higher than IKEA. Unless IKEA turned into some kind of rogue corporate nation that funded its covert military through furniture and meatball revenues. Or are the meatballs the military in larva form?
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My first glance at the picture had me thinking that she was writing the mission report while ejecting from an aircraft.
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It's the only way to do it
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Tank chair! who needs to get up when your chair can take on the trenches of a world war!
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That chair is actually higher ranked than Gav herself. It served in the lesser known Soviet conflict against IKEA.
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...*has plan* I don't suppose you would send me a copy of that chair...as a stand alone prop would you?
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Ask and you shall receive.
Soviet Seat
Hey, maybe DonaldBrent or ClassicalSalamander would like to play with this mesh too?
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Maybe we'd like to play with her...
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No. I saw her first. Get your own Gav.
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Aww... no fair!
Β Β ...OK, it's fair, you did see her before me... but no fair!
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*Stares at FBX file*Β I haven't a clue what to do with a 3D object but goddman it I am an adult and will figure it out XD
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Oh. You just meant the render?
One second...Seet is loading.
Β
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Shweeet, I will be back with Senior officer Chairalton the Great within a few days
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Ooh! Nice 
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Derp. Here, you can have this too. Apparently I was overzealous with Dimcreaper 's request.
Β
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In which the superiority of Soviet armored furniture technology over this:
www.ikea.com/us/en/images/prodβ¦
was demonstrated in a conclusive fashion. Β (In the expensive asvertisements placed by the IKEA Military Technology Group in JANE'S DEFENSE WEEKLY and similar publications prior to the conflict put great stress on the "advanced space-age design" and the "all-weather air-sea-land systems integration technology" (a "feature" that has never been satisfactorily defined) Nevertheless,, although the "proprietary synthetic-electronic composite" construction was claimed to be "generally ballistic-resistant" the word "resistant" proved in the end to be open to many interpretations, none Β favorable to those unfortunate enough to actually have to commit themselves to battle in the IKEA "Loveseat" Mk-1. Β
"The criminal jackbooted bloody hand of Β Swedish reactionary-imperialism has been dealt a stern and timely rebuke by the ever-vigilant Red Army, vanguard of all progressive peoples everywhere!"
(Incidentally, that has to be the single most vile andΒ repellent piece of furniture design I have seen in my life, although it's true that the folding feature will be very useful when finally tossing the hideous thing in the garbage.)
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Damn!Β Top fucking notch, man.Β Great vibe too with the paperwork!Β Not to mention dat chair.
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I had to do something with that sketch. It was too good to just let it sit on your hard drive.
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That chair doesn't look particularly comfortable ;___;
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You'd think that. And you would probably be correct.
Sadly military hardware isn't really designed for comfort.
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Made a 3dmesh for the damn thing. No way in hell am I going to draw that thing without reference.
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