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dawnbest — Sylvanna - Book I, Chapter 1: Page 4
Published: 2013-11-13 14:23:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 2279; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 8
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Sylvanna, page four! And poor Bashu... sorry guy.(not sorry)
Get more Sylvanna every weekend at www.sylvannaonline.com
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Comments: 26
This is so cool Dawn!!!! 
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You as well! So glad you stopped in!
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Critique time!
Love the flow of action from each panel transition - my eyes follow where I'd like to see the characters move along with the action and you planned it out really nicely. Artists take it for granted for characters that can fly, despite being able to be more flexible with the placement of where the characters can be and will go to it still needs careful construction to make it work.
The only thing that I would have to point out is that last panel. Ack! It didn't satisfy that finishing impact that I would have liked to see especially when you've built up all the action and anticipation with Bashu just itching to show off his charisma, brashness and fighting ability.
It's not a bad panel at all, it's just lacking impact and what I mean by that is how the avian intruder delivered the punch - perhaps a swing would make it more animated, this punch looked weak! lol XXD Bashu's hilarious expression of surprise (and pain) was illustrated to a T but it didn't match that punch, argh! XXD It's like bad-ass desaturated blue-violet Avian dude:"Duuh... here you go." *Doink!*
I wanted a *WAAAAAMMO!!* Ya dig?
Anyways great page overall, I absolutely adore 3 and 4 (three because Zac looks damn sexy (whoops!) and being a gentleman, and as for panel four - dawww Bashu looks cute on this panel!!) We get to see how the bats move and fly about, also, what is clever about this panel is the interesting contrast between the two characters - despite both being mighty in their different ways you made Bashu look small in the distance and the Avian intruder look tall and powerful in that stance - just charging his Falcon pu... Er I mean Punch! With Bashu lookin' small it makes me think, man does he even stand a chance? I love his enthusiasm but is it enough? And thus you made me think: "Oh boy, Bashu, you better watch your ass cuz something's about to... *WAAAAAMMO* Yup... I knew it.
There's my two cents, hope you don't mind my feedback! 
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Wooooooo! Thanks man! I think that last panel needs a little extra love, personally. Not 100% feeling it, but then again, that's how life goes when you draw something and look at it months later
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I sure know how that feels! But what can you do, draw it again? I'd personally move on and keep working on those pages!
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*claps wildly* way past cool work Dawn! I can't wait until I can buy this as a graphic novel! ^_^ I'M SO GEEKING OUT!
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Thanks dear! Working away on more pages today, so soon!
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Over confidence and ignoring your elders comes before the fall... just ask Icarus.
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Absolutely! It's a trope for sure, but it works.
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Is it Feedback time? Why yes, I think it is.
Page 4:
Alright, once again, wonderful job with those backgrounds and the lightning is also very well done, the expressions of the characters are really good as well ( and funny, like that bat in panel 2 and of course, Bashu's...even when he get's hit...ESPECIALLY when he get's hit).
The action looks pretty nice and fluid as well....but I DO have a minor complaint. It's something about the way the Hawk punches Bashu that just seems a little bit...stiff to me. But maybe that's just me.
Page 5:
Pretty much the same, Good job on details, action and backgrounds, lightning seems also fine to me, and with this page I actually don't have ANY complaints
Alright, this was a small feedback from a mediocre Artist.
Cheers!
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Ugh I totally hear you on that punch! Man, it was something I drew and looked at later to say, "Uh, coulda kicked that up a notch..." - in terms of his stance. I'm feeling you there.
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It's 7AM in the morning and I'm still staying up to finish off homework for Color and Design (why is it happening again?? *SHOT*).
No lie, I was reading through pages 1-3 just about an hour ago and BAM - NEW PAGES! ARRRRGHHH! *is excited*
You gave me wake up boost Dawn, I needed it.
Anyways I'll write my feedback later, I have to get back to finishing this blasted homework - bugger!!
I'll get back to painting riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight after the next page!
Now I'm getting a better idea of what Bashu's like... Don't make me do voices while I'm painting! I can't concentrate with this bit of awesomeness being a distraction! XXD
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Fab, man! Use the energy to create more amazing art!
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I'm still here working on the blasted colouring !@#!$@#!!! XXXD
All good though, it just shows how much I've taken digital programs like Photoshop/Paint Tool SAI for granted - the colors were instantly available!
But going through this Colour and Design class (which is my toughest out the four that I'm doing this semester) is essential for me - I've always wanted to know how color works in a traditional sense - how to mix colours on a palate, compliments + mutes and how they can work together, colour and light etc...
It makes more sense when you're physically in class watching and learning how to paint stuff! But yeah been up since 7PM the other day... Haven't slept yet and I've got the two classes today (the arvo class is when the assignment is due... XD... @_@)...
Anyways don't you dare tempt me to do some fun stuff over the weekend, I'm THIS CLOSE to dubbing those first five pages....
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Hopefully he doesn't need corrective dental surgery
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