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desolate-wonder — War Inside
Published: 2005-05-12 18:39:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 138; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description
Turn a sympathetic ear to meSo hear
That I may call
Upon a bitterness so sweet, so dear
So near
That I may call
Upon it to resent myself
So fear
That I may call
Upon my hatred, blackened soul
So call
That I may fall.
Upon my knees and pray for life
So burn
That I may need
A humble heart to set me free
So learn
That I may need
Restraints to keep my mind intact
So yearn
That I may need
To lay my eyes upon your face
So need
That I may heed.
Orders followed and lessons learned
So know
That I may change
For the better I hopelessly vie
So show
That I may change
By supporting me and loving me
So go
That I may change
And be strong and on my own
So be in range
That I may change.
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Comments: 11
Alex Alex Alex..dios mios what a piece! And thats your first submission? I bow so low my nose will touch the ground! I actually had to re-read this several times as I got distracted by the very clever rhyme pattern/structure. You followed this through till the end and it doesn't sound forced at all..on the contrary. *sigh* awsome work
x Ella
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Ella Ella Ella...first submission, yes, but of course, not the first thing I've written. I was just quite proud of it and thought it'd be a nice kick off. A friend of mine actually asked to copy it. I was like, "Uh...ok" 'Cause y'know, wasn't expecting it.
Anyway...no need to bow to me. I'm not worth getting your nose dirty.
Who said it sounded forced?
All in all, as ever, thanks for the kind words and mega thanks for the fav.
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heheh nobody said it sounded forced..its just hard to follow a pattern through with the outcome sounding natural (at least I find that hard..hence only open poems in my gallery lol)
and since u've managed that so beautifully I had to fav it 
x Ella
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"its just hard to follow a pattern through with the outcome sounding natural"
Yea tell me about it. Why I also stick more to open. That and it's more...well...open. Free roam y'know.
I've actually been meaning to do something in an actual formal style.(I did haiku. did you see that one?) I keep forgetting... And I've formatted another of my own and I made it a bit too difficult on myself. 
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that's really good.
kind of inspiring.............
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thanks i think
depends on what ur inspired to do i guess
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to write. inspired to write.
usually I use the RAdiohead - sites for inspiration.
but it drains me..........
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