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Published: 2006-07-04 22:42:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 58; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
Tears trickle down my cheeksthrough well-worn trails
leaving a wetness that evaporates so slowly.
Lacking the energy even to sob,
I sit motionless and frail.
Fork to knife to needle to skin,
useless lay-abouts.
“Draw,” I say!
But they don’t even put up a fight.
I awake from a restless sleep,
still soaked in last night’s tears,
reminders of pain that has yet to heal.
Wrapped in feverish delirium,
I ache with love and sorrow.
My mind stumbles as I squeak
desperate cries
for the absolution of my sins.
As I pay penance, He laughs
from His seat on high.
That was it, my heart laid bare.
What else can he ask?
I’ve nothing left to give.
I’ve nothing left to say.
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Comments: 3
lostinthecrowd [2006-07-05 08:20:17 +0000 UTC]
i like it. the fourth stanza doesn't seem to fit. i would suggest either removing it (though i like the wording and the idea) or moving it to the end, though i like the end you have. tis a predicament.
i love the second stanza, it's funny, sad, and true.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
DEVelopingDEViant In reply to lostinthecrowd [2006-07-06 00:48:23 +0000 UTC]
Hmm... Maybe even just making the fourth stanza the end of the third stanza instead of its own separate stanza would help?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lostinthecrowd In reply to DEVelopingDEViant [2006-07-08 06:34:54 +0000 UTC]
actually i think that may do it. now i love it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0