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If anyone can remember... quite a few days ago. I lost myself in rage following a depression,all because i had every electronically item taken from me for doing what i was asked (At 2AM) This whole disaster occurred on the third day. Before i continue; i think it would be best to tell you how i normally can feel anger raise within me. And whenever it does I make sure to warn whoever it is who is shouting at me, Pleeing to be allowed 5 minutes to calm down... A warning which is never taken. My mother was having a go at me because i couldn`t control my language (An effect of being in a depression or bored for too long).It didn`t help that i was stressing about the imperfection of a drawing i was doing... I felt the anger rise and warned both my mother and sister... My mother continued and my anger peaked. Not wanting to hurt anyone i went for a punch at my wardrobe; as i have done many times before. However unlike before the punch i delivered was strengthened by my anger. I broke the section of the wardrobe with ease... and shock! After this I pretended to go into the garden however i only went outside with the intention of running away. I was slightly scared about what my dad would say/do when he found out... especially considering he had stormed out somewhere after he couldnt cope with my angry/depressed state. I ended up being found by my mother ( I knew i should`ve kept to alleyways) and dragged back home. My dad`s punishment was that all money from my own bank account would be used to buy me a new wardrobe... and i would keep paying until i had paid it off as debt. Luckily he managed the section back into place so i dont have to pay!.

So... why am i showing you this when it makes me look bad.... Well I`ll be honest I need to show people what im Capable of and... What im afraid of.... Because of moments like this I fear having close friends (which is why i acted so paranoid about friends like and of course when i went away) I find it hard to make friends and when i do i really fear losing them. The dilema with my knowledge of the kind of emotions that triggered this is that I don`t feel people are safe around me... But i don`t feel safe on my own, (Things like self-harm and suiside attempts which i tried in the past brought this feeling on!)...

I hope you can understand that im not perfect... I really wish I was... or at least perfect at something positive. This was the highest my anger has ever peaked in all 16 years of my life and i`m desperately trying to make sure it never happens again..... I just hope... posting this... wont lose me any more friends...

Description
If anyone can remember... quite a few days ago. I lost myself in rage following a depression,all because i had every electronically item taken from me for doing what i was asked (At 2AM) This whole disaster occurred on the third day. Before i continue; i think it would be best to tell you how i normally can feel anger raise within me. And whenever it does I make sure to warn whoever it is who is shouting at me, Pleeing to be allowed 5 minutes to calm down... A warning which is never taken. My mother was having a go at me because i couldn`t control my language (An effect of being in a depression or bored for too long).It didn`t help that i was stressing about the imperfection of a drawing i was doing... I felt the anger rise and warned both my mother and sister... My mother continued and my anger peaked. Not wanting to hurt anyone i went for a punch at my wardrobe; as i have done many times before. However unlike before the punch i delivered was strengthened by my anger. I broke the section of the wardrobe with ease... and shock! After this I pretended to go into the garden however i only went outside with the intention of running away. I was slightly scared about what my dad would say/do when he found out... especially considering he had stormed out somewhere after he couldnt cope with my angry/depressed state. I ended up being found by my mother ( I knew i should`ve kept to alleyways) and dragged back home. My dad`s punishment was that all money from my own bank account would be used to buy me a new wardrobe... and i would keep paying until i had paid it off as debt. Luckily he managed the section back into place so i dont have to pay!.

So... why am i showing you this when it makes me look bad.... Well I`ll be honest I need to show people what im Capable of and... What im afraid of.... Because of moments like this I fear having close friends (which is why i acted so paranoid about friends like and of course when i went away) I find it hard to make friends and when i do i really fear losing them. The dilema with my knowledge of the kind of emotions that triggered this is that I don`t feel people are safe around me... But i don`t feel safe on my own, (Things like self-harm and suiside attempts which i tried in the past brought this feeling on!)...

I hope you can understand that im not perfect... I really wish I was... or at least perfect at something positive. This was the highest my anger has ever peaked in all 16 years of my life and i`m desperately trying to make sure it never happens again..... I just hope... posting this... wont lose me any more friends...