HOME | DD

Description
"I wanted to go home so many times.
I missed Barbada, I missed how easy it was.
I missed how it sheltered me.

What a ridiculous crew I ended up a part of, but it was all I had.
It challenged me, beat the hell outta me.
I cried so many times, but I knew it was making me stronger.
So...
I got over it.
I figured I needed to try harder to love it, put on a smile and own my shit.
Had I never left Barbada, I never woulda grown.
It'll always be my home, but the sooner I learned to let it go, the happier I became.
And thanks to that, I'm my own fox, now."

---FFV

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night I had a big cry while talking to Kitten and Sumi.
We talked about how much I missed my house, but I was reminded that the good I had there can be had anywhere, and it's ok for me to work on letting go.
And when I do, bit by bit, that place, those plants and those spirits won't hold it against me.
I was forgiven before I even left.

I realized last night that I've been resenting my current house in part because of the condition my dad allowed to get in before we arrived, but...also because it's not home.
Because it's not what I moved from, what I miss, what I long for.

I'm also afraid to put my roots down; I'm afraid to love it, because I know I won't be here forever.
My heart is so hardened, so afraid to feel comfortable.
I'm afraid to be vulnerable and let love and light in again, because I fear it being taken away.
But that's life.
We get hurt, but that doesn't mean we should stop letting good things in.
Because in the end, it's worth letting it go when the time comes.

I need to allow myself to love again.
And as the earth tilts back to face the sun, bringing Spring upon us, I feel my soul igniting slowly.
I feel myself wanting to flourish, and love, and maybe if I let myself love this house, it will heal.
The home I came from was messed up, too, but I think the raw, unbridled love I had for it kept it standing strong throughout the years.
I believe my everlasting love for it will keep it up.
And if not, well...what is meant to be will be.
I made another connection, too.

Looking back, I think about how my home reminds me of Fae's home; Barbada.
Soft, warm, loving.
A little poor, but happy.
The colors are green and blue, watery and fun and innocent.
But then Fae left, and entered scary new territory.
A wealthy place, but far less innocent and full of challenges, harsh realities and the colors brown, red and white.
Those colors are what I associate with my current place of living.
The similarities between this and Fae's story are striking.

I was an islander, but I had to go.
Destiny has called me to a new place with new adventures, and I need to stop fighting it.
It's okay for me to have my memories and my love, but I need to learn to love the present, and be ambitious about the future.
Another reason I think I've feared loving this house is because it feels like I would be betraying my home, which only tells me further that this move was much like a death.
I know better, and have woken up feeling strong, empowered, and happy.
I'm a Scavenger now, and I need to take this time to learn how to be strong.
Because someday, I will want to serve a greater purpose, and will be called to go explore.
Here's to hoping I don't serve an evil dragoness, hahah.

Whatever happens, when the time comes, I will persevere.
My heart is a little hard, but now that I have opened the floodgates and let the truth come in, and faced myself, I feel that much more free.
That stone casing is flaking off, piece by piece.

I'm a FreeFlyer, always.

---DO NOT STEAL MY STUFF!!! FAE BELONGS TO ME!!!---

Description
"I wanted to go home so many times.
I missed Barbada, I missed how easy it was.
I missed how it sheltered me.

What a ridiculous crew I ended up a part of, but it was all I had.
It challenged me, beat the hell outta me.
I cried so many times, but I knew it was making me stronger.
So...
I got over it.
I figured I needed to try harder to love it, put on a smile and own my shit.
Had I never left Barbada, I never woulda grown.
It'll always be my home, but the sooner I learned to let it go, the happier I became.
And thanks to that, I'm my own fox, now."

---FFV

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night I had a big cry while talking to Kitten and Sumi.
We talked about how much I missed my house, but I was reminded that the good I had there can be had anywhere, and it's ok for me to work on letting go.
And when I do, bit by bit, that place, those plants and those spirits won't hold it against me.
I was forgiven before I even left.

I realized last night that I've been resenting my current house in part because of the condition my dad allowed to get in before we arrived, but...also because it's not home.
Because it's not what I moved from, what I miss, what I long for.

I'm also afraid to put my roots down; I'm afraid to love it, because I know I won't be here forever.
My heart is so hardened, so afraid to feel comfortable.
I'm afraid to be vulnerable and let love and light in again, because I fear it being taken away.
But that's life.
We get hurt, but that doesn't mean we should stop letting good things in.
Because in the end, it's worth letting it go when the time comes.

I need to allow myself to love again.
And as the earth tilts back to face the sun, bringing Spring upon us, I feel my soul igniting slowly.
I feel myself wanting to flourish, and love, and maybe if I let myself love this house, it will heal.
The home I came from was messed up, too, but I think the raw, unbridled love I had for it kept it standing strong throughout the years.
I believe my everlasting love for it will keep it up.
And if not, well...what is meant to be will be.
I made another connection, too.

Looking back, I think about how my home reminds me of Fae's home; Barbada.
Soft, warm, loving.
A little poor, but happy.
The colors are green and blue, watery and fun and innocent.
But then Fae left, and entered scary new territory.
A wealthy place, but far less innocent and full of challenges, harsh realities and the colors brown, red and white.
Those colors are what I associate with my current place of living.
The similarities between this and Fae's story are striking.

I was an islander, but I had to go.
Destiny has called me to a new place with new adventures, and I need to stop fighting it.
It's okay for me to have my memories and my love, but I need to learn to love the present, and be ambitious about the future.
Another reason I think I've feared loving this house is because it feels like I would be betraying my home, which only tells me further that this move was much like a death.
I know better, and have woken up feeling strong, empowered, and happy.
I'm a Scavenger now, and I need to take this time to learn how to be strong.
Because someday, I will want to serve a greater purpose, and will be called to go explore.
Here's to hoping I don't serve an evil dragoness, hahah.

Whatever happens, when the time comes, I will persevere.
My heart is a little hard, but now that I have opened the floodgates and let the truth come in, and faced myself, I feel that much more free.
That stone casing is flaking off, piece by piece.

I'm a FreeFlyer, always.

---DO NOT STEAL MY STUFF!!! FAE BELONGS TO ME!!!---