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Description
Like most people, i love my mom.
She's beautiful, intelligent, a better detective than Sherlock sometimes, and in a world where two potential fathers have walked out on me, she was my mom and my dad.
But as much as i love her, she's a bit of an ingrate.

For as long as i can remember, i've grown up in a house filled with cussing.
As you can so obviously see, i picked it up.
My dad used to say "Gd" though, and i always hated it.
It's the one thing i'll never say, hence why i tend to say "Bob dammit" or "Bob Sagget."
Bless you, Tourette's Guy...
Ironically, my dad wouldn't say "fuck," and he got onto my mom for that, while she got onto him for the Gd!
Lol.
Actually my mom didn't really say fuck that much until he left, but...i said it long before then, hah.
Secretly, because kids.

But now all of a sudden, in the past week or so she's tried to be more "churchy" and not cuss.
Which is great!
She's trying to improve herself and pay more attention to God, and i really admire that.
I went through some phases like that during high school, but eventually came to realize that i am a spiritual person with flaws, and have a sailor's mouth.
I can't change it, and frankly i don't want to.
However...my mom seems to have a difficult time accepting that...

I wish i could show more interest in her attempts at reformation, but my mom happens to be a very negative, close-minded pessimistic hypocrite.
I mean...i say that with love, of course... -__-
Despite my endless attempts to kindly help her see things in a positive way, from being grateful she's alive to being grateful the world has color, she rejects all of my efforts.
Perhaps i remind her too much of my insufferable relative due to our...blood-based relation and somewhat unfortunate similarities.
Because of it maybe she doesn't trust me, though she'll never admit that's the reason on account of she tries to pretend she's better than that.
If it sounds like i carry a little resentment towards her, you would be correct, but i've carried this since i was consciousness enough to do so.
I don't love her any less, but she's a tad old fashioned and while she has improved in many ways, she's tanking in others in her ripening years.
Everyone resents their mothers a bit, come on now.

With her trying to improve herself, she has turned on me and my mouth.
And i understand that, and i don't cuss just to miff her, but it is getting on my nerves very quickly.
She's not very good at co-existing.
Does her rather off-putting attempts at self-improvement and sudden uptightness annoy the shit out of me?
Indeed it does, as i'm sure my language bothers her, but SHE NEEDS TO GET OFF MY FURRY PIRATE ASS!
Just because i'm such a stubborn little git, her bugging me about cussing only makes me wanna do it more, and has resulted in a heightened amount of behind-the-back middle fingers.
That doesn't exactly make me feel good.
And then of course my dad still says Gd, but when we're in each other's company i don't try to correct him.
We used to try that, he dismissed us.
If he wants to change he'll change.
The only person i try to help improve is Kitten, and so she does the same to me, because we're practically sharing a soul at this point XD

There's nothing wrong with cussing less, but i'm no less connected to God or the spirit world, and believe it or not i'm definitely more open to it than my mom.
In place of cussing, my mom is still judgmental, negative, overly fearful, and lacks a striking amount of empathy.
I'm not perfect, certainly, but as a Libra i'm not lacking in the ability to weigh morale.
By no means do i think i'm better than anyone else, but in spite of my tainted vocab i find i am far more filled with light and God, simply by maintaining a positive outlook and broadening my perspective.
And, ultimately, while i may cuss around the house i make a point not to do it in front of strangers, in immediate public, in front of children or the part of my family that is pretty much hardcore Christian.
But when i'm in my own house, which i share with a very imperfect and hypocritical person who's potty mouth was what inspired me to be so foul of tongue in the first place, i will elect to speak as i damn well please.
I go out of my way to accept her for being such a dumbass, but she bites my head off for being one myself!
How about this; if i can't cuss, you can't be judgmental.
BAHA!
Of course my saying that only makes her mad because she thinks she's the opposite of what she really is, but fuck it.
She's old and worn, i'll try to just let her have it.
Suppose i'll just have to do everything behind her back like i used to.

...A tad less relevant, but i've been dreaming about being able to fly in the past few months.
Never in my life have i had flying dreams before this point, and they're absolutely blissful.
I told my mom this some time ago, and though i associated the dreams with happiness because they were fun, she so kindly (albeit negatively) informed me that she read somewhere that dreams about flying may indicate the need to get away from or escape something.
Ironically, my mom is always around at all times in my flying dreams.
In some of the dreams, she tries to tell me to keep my flying to a minimum, or to stop so "others won't know i can do it."
In the waking world, she is actually overly bothered by what other people think, and tends to hide from her own talents, or make others miserable by using them.
Perhaps she is the thing i desire to escape.
Not permanently; i just need some space, and the freedom to be myself.
Never the less, the dreams are still fun, and despite her asking me not to fly i always keep flying.

Yeah it's definitely me venting about my current family life struggle, but after talking through it and realizing that she's just old and uptight and had a far worse life than the one she gave me, i feel better.
If nothing else, i'm blessed to have her in my life, in spite of her flaws.
I do believe she's genuinely trying to be better, i just don't think she's capable of it.
She's not the type of person that can change, sadly.
Some people have the capacity, others don't.
The best way i can describe her is very close and tight, like she lives her life in a fully buttoned, long Winter coat.
She tries to take the coat off, but as soon as she sees something new she wraps herself back up in it.
It's frustrating, and in the end i just feel sorry for her.
But someday we'll all be perfect, so i guess it's be worth the wait!
A FreeFlyer i'll be, someday indeed.

Thanks for reading my ramblings if you did, surely most who read this can relate in some way or another with someone in their lives, and ultimately i hope it helped someone work through their irritation, as i'm learning to work through and adapt to mine.

---DO NOT STEAL MY CONCEPTS, ART OR IDEAS!!! FAE BELONGS TO ME!!!---

Description
Like most people, i love my mom.
She's beautiful, intelligent, a better detective than Sherlock sometimes, and in a world where two potential fathers have walked out on me, she was my mom and my dad.
But as much as i love her, she's a bit of an ingrate.

For as long as i can remember, i've grown up in a house filled with cussing.
As you can so obviously see, i picked it up.
My dad used to say "Gd" though, and i always hated it.
It's the one thing i'll never say, hence why i tend to say "Bob dammit" or "Bob Sagget."
Bless you, Tourette's Guy...
Ironically, my dad wouldn't say "fuck," and he got onto my mom for that, while she got onto him for the Gd!
Lol.
Actually my mom didn't really say fuck that much until he left, but...i said it long before then, hah.
Secretly, because kids.

But now all of a sudden, in the past week or so she's tried to be more "churchy" and not cuss.
Which is great!
She's trying to improve herself and pay more attention to God, and i really admire that.
I went through some phases like that during high school, but eventually came to realize that i am a spiritual person with flaws, and have a sailor's mouth.
I can't change it, and frankly i don't want to.
However...my mom seems to have a difficult time accepting that...

I wish i could show more interest in her attempts at reformation, but my mom happens to be a very negative, close-minded pessimistic hypocrite.
I mean...i say that with love, of course... -__-
Despite my endless attempts to kindly help her see things in a positive way, from being grateful she's alive to being grateful the world has color, she rejects all of my efforts.
Perhaps i remind her too much of my insufferable relative due to our...blood-based relation and somewhat unfortunate similarities.
Because of it maybe she doesn't trust me, though she'll never admit that's the reason on account of she tries to pretend she's better than that.
If it sounds like i carry a little resentment towards her, you would be correct, but i've carried this since i was consciousness enough to do so.
I don't love her any less, but she's a tad old fashioned and while she has improved in many ways, she's tanking in others in her ripening years.
Everyone resents their mothers a bit, come on now.

With her trying to improve herself, she has turned on me and my mouth.
And i understand that, and i don't cuss just to miff her, but it is getting on my nerves very quickly.
She's not very good at co-existing.
Does her rather off-putting attempts at self-improvement and sudden uptightness annoy the shit out of me?
Indeed it does, as i'm sure my language bothers her, but SHE NEEDS TO GET OFF MY FURRY PIRATE ASS!
Just because i'm such a stubborn little git, her bugging me about cussing only makes me wanna do it more, and has resulted in a heightened amount of behind-the-back middle fingers.
That doesn't exactly make me feel good.
And then of course my dad still says Gd, but when we're in each other's company i don't try to correct him.
We used to try that, he dismissed us.
If he wants to change he'll change.
The only person i try to help improve is Kitten, and so she does the same to me, because we're practically sharing a soul at this point XD

There's nothing wrong with cussing less, but i'm no less connected to God or the spirit world, and believe it or not i'm definitely more open to it than my mom.
In place of cussing, my mom is still judgmental, negative, overly fearful, and lacks a striking amount of empathy.
I'm not perfect, certainly, but as a Libra i'm not lacking in the ability to weigh morale.
By no means do i think i'm better than anyone else, but in spite of my tainted vocab i find i am far more filled with light and God, simply by maintaining a positive outlook and broadening my perspective.
And, ultimately, while i may cuss around the house i make a point not to do it in front of strangers, in immediate public, in front of children or the part of my family that is pretty much hardcore Christian.
But when i'm in my own house, which i share with a very imperfect and hypocritical person who's potty mouth was what inspired me to be so foul of tongue in the first place, i will elect to speak as i damn well please.
I go out of my way to accept her for being such a dumbass, but she bites my head off for being one myself!
How about this; if i can't cuss, you can't be judgmental.
BAHA!
Of course my saying that only makes her mad because she thinks she's the opposite of what she really is, but fuck it.
She's old and worn, i'll try to just let her have it.
Suppose i'll just have to do everything behind her back like i used to.

...A tad less relevant, but i've been dreaming about being able to fly in the past few months.
Never in my life have i had flying dreams before this point, and they're absolutely blissful.
I told my mom this some time ago, and though i associated the dreams with happiness because they were fun, she so kindly (albeit negatively) informed me that she read somewhere that dreams about flying may indicate the need to get away from or escape something.
Ironically, my mom is always around at all times in my flying dreams.
In some of the dreams, she tries to tell me to keep my flying to a minimum, or to stop so "others won't know i can do it."
In the waking world, she is actually overly bothered by what other people think, and tends to hide from her own talents, or make others miserable by using them.
Perhaps she is the thing i desire to escape.
Not permanently; i just need some space, and the freedom to be myself.
Never the less, the dreams are still fun, and despite her asking me not to fly i always keep flying.

Yeah it's definitely me venting about my current family life struggle, but after talking through it and realizing that she's just old and uptight and had a far worse life than the one she gave me, i feel better.
If nothing else, i'm blessed to have her in my life, in spite of her flaws.
I do believe she's genuinely trying to be better, i just don't think she's capable of it.
She's not the type of person that can change, sadly.
Some people have the capacity, others don't.
The best way i can describe her is very close and tight, like she lives her life in a fully buttoned, long Winter coat.
She tries to take the coat off, but as soon as she sees something new she wraps herself back up in it.
It's frustrating, and in the end i just feel sorry for her.
But someday we'll all be perfect, so i guess it's be worth the wait!
A FreeFlyer i'll be, someday indeed.

Thanks for reading my ramblings if you did, surely most who read this can relate in some way or another with someone in their lives, and ultimately i hope it helped someone work through their irritation, as i'm learning to work through and adapt to mine.

---DO NOT STEAL MY CONCEPTS, ART OR IDEAS!!! FAE BELONGS TO ME!!!---