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Published: 2004-03-10 18:44:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 133; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 16
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Description
Suspicious motives from the start,Vounrability leads to broken hearts,
But it's nothing that can't be easily fixed,
Mend me now, pull something out of your bag of tricks.
Nothing but a cruel mind game to make my head spin,
And to teach me not to love dangerous things,
Lesson learnt, fire burns,
I've had my 48 hours now it's her turn.
I gave up everything, just like you told me to,
You can charm and kill at the same time through,
Living in a wonderland of bad decisions,
Heart pieced back together following innacurate incisions.
Butcher me now before you unleash your plague,
At least this way I can take more pain,
That is what you want? This is the game,
You wont like it when I have your life in flames.
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Comments: 15
Suffering-in-silence [2004-07-14 17:05:22 +0000 UTC]
you're writing is incredible I am going to watch you right now becase you rule!
xx
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
flutter-of-wings In reply to Suffering-in-silence [2004-07-15 18:26:30 +0000 UTC]
*faints* yeeeeeeeeee awww you are an extremely wonderful person! i love you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Suffering-in-silence In reply to flutter-of-wings [2004-07-15 20:12:18 +0000 UTC]
im really not but thank you so much
and its no problem at all I love your stuff
xx
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
flutter-of-wings In reply to Suffering-in-silence [2004-07-15 20:50:59 +0000 UTC]
^_^ yeee thank you! that means a lot to me
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
airwave [2004-05-25 03:48:54 +0000 UTC]
Suspicious motives from the start,
Vounrability leads to broken hearts,
GREAT opening lines! i love them! great job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
raggy-doll [2004-03-21 23:01:33 +0000 UTC]
Nothing but a cruel mind game to make my head spin,
And to teach me not to love dangerous things,
Lesson learnt, fire burns,
I've had my 48 hours now it's her turn.
I loved this verse the most becasue i can really REALLY relate to it all of the words that spin in your head and all you can result to is your own fault all of the things you might of said wrong or done wrong to drive people awyay and end resulted in never trusting another again and all you want to do in the end is put that person through what you felt this is my way of relating to it i hope im on the right lines...
But a very good piece it screams at me shouts and well very good work
take care
Lily.xoxox
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flutter-of-wings In reply to raggy-doll [2004-03-22 18:19:05 +0000 UTC]
fankoo very much sweetie! yes you were very much on the right track..scarily accurate also! couldn't have pur it better myself! you can desribe my poetry better than me hehe
i'm glad you can relate, it's good to know i'm not alone in these kind of charades.
thanking you VERY VERY much for your kind comments
take care
xxx
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
raggy-doll In reply to flutter-of-wings [2004-03-22 22:38:02 +0000 UTC]
Your very welcome hunny bee i have been in that situation many a time its not pleasent but you come imune to it after a while and then when someone cares you push them away well in my case but you get used to it anyway im babbeling..thanks for replying hunny your writing is very well done when i have more time i shall read them all but college over runs my life hehe babbles again..
Hope your okay..
Take care of yourself.XOXOXO
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
flutter-of-wings In reply to raggy-doll [2004-03-24 18:25:30 +0000 UTC]
hehe, you're not babbeling, you're speaking but the truth and i couldn't agree with you more.
thanky very much and mee hopes you have fun in college
take care
xxx
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
raggy-doll In reply to flutter-of-wings [2004-03-25 00:03:47 +0000 UTC]
i shall hunny indeed i shall thankyou kindly..XOXOXO
Lily hopes you take care.XOXOXOX
XOXOXO
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
PhoeNix-iGnitioN [2004-03-11 01:40:49 +0000 UTC]
Hey, that;s really sum good,.. you always use alota rad words that i'd never think to use, thats cool, and i like what you had to say, it's sorta said in a clever poetic sorta way, anyways i like's it,
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flutter-of-wings In reply to PhoeNix-iGnitioN [2004-03-11 18:11:59 +0000 UTC]
thanky! your comments always make me feel more confident
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poetofthepast [2004-03-10 18:54:12 +0000 UTC]
haha, i like it, i like it...
few little things i noticed:
last two lines of first stanza i felt could have been worded better, if not for meaning, just for the timeing, they seemed to go on alittle long
1st line of 2nd stanza was a little, shallow, i felt that it didnt quite compair to the rest of the poem
over all, rather good, i must admit
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
flutter-of-wings In reply to poetofthepast [2004-03-10 18:59:19 +0000 UTC]
thanky for your comments. i don't really try and base my poems around timing and rhythm, i just write what comes into my head, though i must admitt i probably could have worded this much better. thanks for the lurvly comments
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