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Published: 2009-03-20 12:11:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 105; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Yrajia poked listlessly at the keyboard. He hated this job, even more than he hated cleaning the bathrooms. Staring at a computer screen, looking for... what, exactly? He didn't know. Cainra just told him to report anything strange. Whenever he tried to protest the idea of spending the idea looking at their fancy-pants detection system, Cainra would shove him off, claiming that it was better than the other jobs he had for him. Yrajia wasn't one to argue with Cainra, but then again, nobody was. Still, it was a job more suited to Rantoura...Yrajia, nearly asleep, told the system to scan around Azel again, and barked at what he saw there. "What the hell is that!?" His mind came back from wherever it had wandered off to, and he focused his full attention on the massive energy spike shown on the screen. The machine had made mistakes in the past, but this was... different. It appeared to be much more regular than the random spikes that, say, a receiver dish with some snow stuck on it might produce. Still, he decided to run some diagnostic tests before raising a red flag.
"What is it, Yrajia?" Cainra calmly walked into the room, carefully regarding his friend. If one thing could be said about the leader of their little operation, it was that he was indeed a leader. His very presence was commanding: people he'd never met before would sit up straight, look at his feet rather than his eyes, and always call him "sir." He was always in control of a situation, and never lost his cool, so he had gained the reputation of one who was a natural leader. He slowly moved behind Yrajia and glanced at the monitor.
"And... what is that?"
"Damned if I know, boss." Cainra didn't like the nickname, which is exactly why Yrajia used it. Yrajia wasn't the most agreeable of people. He got on people's nerves, and people got on his. It didn't matter much to him, though. His specialty was brute force, not negotiation. He would never be able to work out a deal with anyone, but he could certainly beat his end out of one.
"Check it for mistakes."
"One step ahead of ya, boss. Just a second." The energy spike pulsed as the two of them waited tensely. Finally, a small green smiley face appeared on the status indicator of the sensor program: there were no faults in the system. Yrajia let out a short laugh, amazed.
"So, uh, boss. Is that what you've got me cooped up in here for?"
"I believe so, Yrajia. Can you get a detailed scan of that coordinate-" Cainra stopped abruptly, squinting at the coordinates of the scan's window. "Hold on a moment... Yrajia, where is that?"
Yrajia hesitated. He knew the significance of the castle not a mile from the source of the strange energy reading. He didn't know how Cainra would react, so he stalled by starting the detailed scan.
"Cainra," he said finally, "that's Azel."
"That's what I thought," replied Cainra simply, with no change in expression or tone.
They stared at the computer, waiting for the detailed scan to finish. When it did, it revealed quite a few things. First of all, the energy spike was quickly disappearing. Second, there were four humans near the spike. All but one were strange: two had abnormally high "life readings:" the energy that the sensors used to pick up human life. The third was apparently partly mechanical. They didn't move, but they were most definitely alive.
Cainra grabbed a two-way radio from his belt, clicking it on and mashing the TALK button. "Rantoura," he said into the microphone, "Do you read me?"
"Yeah, Cainra, loud and clear," crackled the radio. "What's up?"
"Can you get yourself to around a mile southeast of Castle Azel? Say, within ten minutes?"
"Um... yeah, I can, but-"
"Good. This is important, Rantoura. If you can, get me pictures of the four who you should find, and anything else odd."
"What? I mean, yes, of course, but why?"
"Just go."
"Y-yes sir."
Cainra put down the radio and turned his gaze back to the computer.
"Y'know," started Yrajia, but Cainra put a hand in his face, shutting him up.
"I'm not going to hear it, Yrajia. You know Rantoura was already out there and prepared for this. We need someone there quickly, and besides, I don't know if I want them hurt yet."
Yrajia grumbled in useless protest. He knew Cainra was right, so he didn't press the matter. Cainra was one of the few people that he respected. They had been friends since childhood, and had grown up in a small town together, along with Rantoura. Around puberty, they each started to develop strange features. Yrajia's skin turned dark and extremely tough, almost like armor, and he grew to an immense, muscular size. Rantoura became thin and lithe, almost taking on a feminine figure. His hair also took on an iridescent sheen. Cainra didn't change much outwardly: his hair lost all color, but other than that he remained the same. His mind, though, developed at an amazing rate, giving him obscenely quick reflexes and the ability to work anything out within seconds.
When people started to notice that they were different from everyone else, they were at first shunned, but after they began to develop potentially dangerous powers, they were feared. Eventually, they were driven from their homes. Cainra kept them together, and they eked out a small life. They found that they lived much longer than most: they hadn't physically aged past twenty when they learned that most of the original residents of their town had died. Eventually, they moved into the house that became their stronghold. From there, they performed whatever tasks they saw fit, keeping themselves busy with the pursuit of knowledge and power.
They sat in silence, thinking, for a long while, when the radio squawkedΒ Β at them again. Cainra picked it up. "Rantoura?"
"You're not going to believe this, Cainra."
"You really think I won't?"
Rantoura laughed. "Okay, so you'll probably believe this, but... I know these people. We know these people."
"Who are they?"
"Edaniel Materas and a girl with a mechanical arm. I think she might be his daughter."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, but it gets better. He's in drag!"
"You're... you're kidding, right?" It wasn't like Rantoura to joke around, so Cainra was suspicious.
"No. But... that's not the weirdest thing."
Cainra sighed. "What is the weirdest thing, then?"
"Anemonae. She's... she's here. She's got a new body, but it's definitely her."
Now Cainra was truly shocked. What connection could Anemonae have with Edaniel Materas? He would have to keep the group under surveillance.
"Hold on. Who's the other? Aren't there four of them?"
"Yeah," said Rantoura. "That's another strange thing. I have no idea who this kid is. Just some teen boy. About the same age as Materas's kid. They're getting pretty comfortable, maybe he's her boyfriend or something?"
"That's none of your business. Get back here, Rantoura. We'll discuss this. Leave them be, please. I don't think it would be wise to reveal ourselves quite yet."
"Roger. I'll be back in a bit."
Cainra put the radio down, his hand just slightly shaking. This was significant. What could those people be doing right next to Azel? What was the energy spike they'd seen? He rubbed his head and addressed Yrajia.
"Just... keep an eye on them, alright? I... I need some tea."
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Comments: 8
readthewholelibrary [2009-03-22 00:16:34 +0000 UTC]
The beginning seems a bit off. I'm not sure why, but it's just kind of rough.
I like the development here, the new characters, though!
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Forebodingburger In reply to readthewholelibrary [2009-03-22 03:34:29 +0000 UTC]
Rough, huh? Well, I was experimenting with a bit of a different style, trying to base the narrative a lot more on the characters. I was pretty proud of it, but judging from our friend the cow's response, it didn't work too well...
Oh well, they can't all be literary masterpieces.
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readthewholelibrary In reply to Forebodingburger [2009-03-22 16:23:08 +0000 UTC]
I think that it could work really well with a bit more practice writing in that style. If I try to write in a new way, it generally comes out rough on the first couple of attempts and then much better as I practice.
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Forebodingburger In reply to hostile-cow [2009-03-22 03:35:37 +0000 UTC]
How so?
Mechanics? Dialogue? Style?
The fact that I needed to use about a billion more pronouns?
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hostile-cow In reply to Forebodingburger [2009-03-22 15:31:47 +0000 UTC]
Using unnecessary adjectives and things of that nature.
And using names that people can't pronounce. (That's just a personal preference, you can ignore that.)
For instance, at the beginning, you're describing the captain fellow as someone in charge, someone that people listen to.
Well, obviously. He has to be. It's his job.
I have this issue with writing as well. I don't trust my readers to actually imagine what's going on, so I describe almost every little detail. Don't be afraid to provoke it.
However, you are improving a lot.
And as you said, not every piece of literature is a masterpiece. It's all in the works.
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Forebodingburger In reply to hostile-cow [2009-03-22 20:26:45 +0000 UTC]
Unnecessary adjectives: check. I'll keep an eye on it.
Unpronouncable names: I don't like them either. I can't even come up with them, but Elias is full of 'em. Frankly, I don't even know how to spell most of them right. I've mostly written them phonetically.
More description? I will try.
I was reading some of the stuff I'd written around the beginning of the year this morning... and there's definitely a difference. It's a good thing I didn't decide to post most of it. A lot of it's... cringe worthy.
Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
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hostile-cow In reply to Forebodingburger [2009-03-22 20:54:15 +0000 UTC]
Salutes and hats off to you, mate.
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