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ghostfloats — Something is wrong inside of me

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Published: 2017-01-24 22:39:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 460; Favourites: 33; Downloads: 0
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Description mood lately: the world is black. I paint it gray and numb. Cant stand the place where i live. My psychologist wont help me at all. I gave up with studying. I dont feel like its ever going to pass. I feel helpless. Nothing seems fun. Am i depressed or am i just selfish? I feel like what im going through is just an excuse to be a horrible person. I fear hurting ppl i care about.

Idk maybe i shouldnt have written it. I needed to get it out. I want to justify my shitty actions. I do not want anyone to be concerned over me.
I'll be okay once i can get some rest from all of this
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Comments: 9

sadkill [2017-01-24 23:22:49 +0000 UTC]

Things will come into colour again friend
Youre a kind, approachable person which isnt all that common now
You're certainly not selfish, being ill like this makes you believe things that aren't true, dont let it win!

You can always talk to me if you need to (but dont feel you have to by any means)

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ghostfloats In reply to sadkill [2017-01-25 00:36:56 +0000 UTC]

Its hard to believe im an okay person while i have such bad thoughts, to the point of being hateful. I even feel guilty about venting here 'cause it makes me look ungrateful and attention-seeking. I don't like bothering anyone or pitying myself. But i have really no control over my mood ;;
But your words are so nice, thank you for them <3

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sadkill In reply to ghostfloats [2017-01-25 08:10:54 +0000 UTC]

I understand totally
It's difficult to hear others when the stuff in your head is so loud right ?
It's okay to vent for sure too ;0;
I think it's important to reach out for help when you feel like this, it definitely helps me to talk to people!
Don't feel bad for it <3

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xenkyu [2017-01-24 22:48:18 +0000 UTC]

mi sie bardzo to podoba...?
;-;

a propo psychologow mam pdobnie xD
i tak mi nie pomoga
mam 1 z matmy na koniec i tyle.

moja stara drze morde ze nie bedzie ze mna jezdzic juz po psychiatrykach
skonczyly mi sie leki ok 30 dni temu xD i takiej kurwicy dostaje
a stara sie cieszy 
mowi ze tabletki szczescia nie dadza no ale troche ma racje a troche nie
bo mi pomagaly z fobia i bylam szczesliwa chwilowo
a teraz to mi to wisi wszystko

i do tego kaze mi oklamac psychiatre ze skonczyly mi sie wczoraj leki???
chore
ale jak  powiem ze nie bralam prawie miesiac to mnie wiecej nie zawioza do 'osrodka' i... fajnie xD
nie no nie fajnie ale zalosne.
nie wiem 
just kms

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ghostfloats In reply to xenkyu [2017-01-24 23:15:36 +0000 UTC]

Nie bralam tabletek nigdy
Klamie psychologowi a nawet jak mowie prawde to mnie nie rozumie.
Ludzie nawet nie sadza ze mi moze byc naprawde ciezko
Jakos musze wytrzymac.
z matmy i chemii mam przesrane ;-; jestem na rozszerzeniu a nic nie umiem... nic
Chce tylko juz skonczyc szkole, wyniesc sie i byc sama i miec spokoj, to wszystko...

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xenkyu In reply to ghostfloats [2017-01-24 23:20:07 +0000 UTC]

meh.. im here

nie  poowiem ci w prost 'EJ PRZESTAN PLAKAC BEDZIE LEPIEJ'
bo to jest zalosne i nie pomoze xD
idk jak to moj  endokrynolog mowil 'musisz rozpychac sie lokcmi' szcerze nwm co to znaczy ale okej 

ja tez chce byc sama  ale siedziec w domu i pracowac- pracowac w domu bez nikogo i zarabiac grube miliony ;v;

 jebac ta szkole serio
z nikim praktycznie tam nie gadam
zawsze sama wracam 
i jak gadlaam z wychowawca to ponoc to moja wina ze sie izoluje od nich xDDDDDDD?

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ghostfloats In reply to xenkyu [2017-01-24 23:37:15 +0000 UTC]

Hehe siedzenie w domu i zarabianie milionow
To jest #goals lmao
Mialo byc lepiej dawno temu a jest gorzej xD co prawda moj swiatopoglad sie zmienil, doroslam troszke
Ale to nie znaczy ze mniej boli...:/

Coz mam nadzieje ze dostaniesz swoje tabletki. Nie ma w tym nic zlego ze je bierzesz, jesli Ci pomagaja chocby troszke to uwazam ze powinnas miec do nich staly dostep.
Ja jakos to wszystko wytrzymam heh

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Ailwidis [2017-01-24 22:41:35 +0000 UTC]

Sounds like depression bruh - don't feel selfish, it ain't your fault. Your brain is just switched on "black/gray" mode, as you say. Heads up! At least you're a good artist from what I can see - hang in there!

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ghostfloats In reply to Ailwidis [2017-01-26 20:04:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you <3

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