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Introscope — innocently
Published: 2005-07-09 18:16:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 135; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 5
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Description
I lack progression because I lack destinationI lack definition because I lack position
Precious moments slip by refusing to be contained
I'd be the happiest man alive if I could just subtract the pain
I am filled with too many questions and not enough answers
I want to empty the poison from my jaded heart
I want to speak in a language of significance,
Instead of relying on maxims, clichés, and sarcasm
You learn so much and then you die
You love so much only to have to say goodbye
I’d like to pretend this is a message of hope
But maybe I just haven’t learned how to cope
Life can feel pointless if you can’t find the point
And it can feel hopeless when you lose your voice
But struggle, strain, and persevere
You know I will always wait for you here
If I sold my heart, would you keep it on your shelf?
If I emptied my blood, would you drink to my health?
For what is a body if it lacks a soul
And what good’s a heart that you can’t control?
I fought with my reason and my reason won
But if I’m the winner, why did I succumb
To the passions inside me, the desires set free
A bodily fire you stoked within me
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Comments: 10
i...i...umm...i'm jealous. i'm jealous that I haven't taken the time to write. I'm jealous that I haven't been giving myself into my peotry. I truly believe the best art is finding something u believe in and throwing your life into it. Sacrificing your body to be consumed by what you believe and almost becoming it. And not letting anyone change who you are because they can't change what you believe. That's art. It's skill. And it takes work, pain, and suffering. It's also valuable because it doesn't last long, but it is in abundance because it happens all around us, just no one is taking advantage of veiwing it.
i'm talking too much. I like your poem. I really do. I'm going to start writing again. I miss it.
-chelsirae
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Enough about me, though ~ the much more important thing is the effect the work has on you: 
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Oh, by the way: Make sure you get permission to use a picture, you can't just put up the link and it be sufficient.
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Errrr.... oops! 
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No problem, I actually did that on one of my first works as well. 
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Nice poem.
"I am the happiest man alive if I could just subtract the pain"
You used multiple tenses, present then what appears to be past subjunctive. Maybe try "I'd be the happiest man alive if I could just subtract the pain"
Overall, good flow and nice choice of words. Other then a few minor tweeks, I didn't find anything that really hurt the poem.
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just btw: I took your suggestion, and posted the edited version. Thanks again!
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