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Invader-MiMi56 — RomanoxReader Tomatoes
Published: 2012-01-31 01:47:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 1167; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 7
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Description You were outside in ur garden picking tomatoes. Somehow you saw Romano trying to eat ur tomatoes."Hey!Romano why are u eating my tomatoes!?"Oh i tought these were free?" said Romano. "Yeah? And what r u doing here?" "I was trying to get back at the potato-bastard that my fretello "loves" and then i saw tomatoes." said Romano. "Okay?" Later u went inside ur house. You heard a knock on the door when you opened the door  Germany was outside holding Romano. "Let me go u potato-bastard!" said Romano. "does this belong to u?" said Germany. "Vee~ Germany want are u doing to my brother?" said Italy. "Im giving him to (name)." said Germany. Well they left and left Romano at my place. "So what did u do to Germany this time!?" "Nothing i was just prank calling him then he knocked down my door snd brought me here." said Romano. "So r u going back to ur house or what?" "I dont know i ike it here." said Romano. "So do u want anything to eat?" "I want tomatoes." said Romano. You went outside to get some tomatoes. You were thinking of the good time u had with Romano then u started to cry. Romano heard u and ran outside and brougth u in.Then u stoped crying."Por que estas yorando?  
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Comments: 19

DubstepCat [2013-05-31 03:06:17 +0000 UTC]

Agh... You've got a lot of work to do if you want to be a good writer...

The plot's kind of hard to follow, but I guess it works..

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DubstepCat [2013-05-31 03:04:26 +0000 UTC]

You know, I could edit this for you..
The grammatical errors are killing me =w=

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Invader-MiMi56 In reply to DubstepCat [2013-06-04 01:30:00 +0000 UTC]

If it won't be a lot of work for you

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DubstepCat In reply to Invader-MiMi56 [2013-06-04 01:31:56 +0000 UTC]

It wouldn't; I have plenty of free time ^w^

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Invader-MiMi56 In reply to DubstepCat [2013-06-04 01:39:40 +0000 UTC]

Okay so go ahead

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PrussiaXCanadia [2012-06-23 10:09:14 +0000 UTC]

............and it's "fratello" not "fretello". You know, if you would give me permission, I would like to fix all your grammar in this, then send it back for you to post instead of this. (I keep finding errors, please let me edit this)

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PrussiaXCanadia [2012-06-23 10:07:34 +0000 UTC]

And Lovino would be speaking Italian not Spanish, my grammar rant is finished now.

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PrussiaXCanadia [2012-06-23 10:06:36 +0000 UTC]

okay, this isn't the best out there, and it really pisses me off to see you throw your words in the wind and replacing them with "u", "r", and "ur". it doesn't take that much effort to write "you" "are" and "your". If you improved your grammar (and capitalised your I's) the story would be a lot better sorry for going grammar nazi on your ass but it needed to be done.

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yueten [2012-04-08 22:00:43 +0000 UTC]

uuummm the last part is spanish not italian in italian it would be perche stai piangendo

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Invader-MiMi56 In reply to yueten [2012-04-11 00:03:29 +0000 UTC]

i know

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yueten In reply to Invader-MiMi56 [2012-04-11 00:23:52 +0000 UTC]

ok! sorry just wanted to make sure you knew just in case

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DeathIsOverRated [2012-04-05 02:39:42 +0000 UTC]

Whaaaaaaaatttttttt???

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Wolfpuppycakes [2012-02-08 03:33:08 +0000 UTC]

To be honest....I have no idea what was goin on here....

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DubstepCat In reply to Wolfpuppycakes [2013-05-31 03:04:44 +0000 UTC]

I know...

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kemonekko123 [2012-02-01 02:48:58 +0000 UTC]

Spanish and badly pronounced. Yorando and Llorando have different meanings.

Also, Besides it being Spanish, she needs to improve in a little bit.

Okay, I'm not going to lie, A little bit....MORE. Not to be mean, But there is potencial here, I recomend you to read and captured different kind of words, that might sound a bit sophsticated but enough for the readers comprehension.

Now My English may not be perfect, But At least I make a little sense. And please,....Just please...Don't use 'U' T_T EVen I get a bit frustrated.

Also, Have in mind this; 'Spanish' May be similar, I repeat...SIMILAR, to Italian. So don't mix them up. And just because it sounds like it, Like Yorando/Llorando.

Also, Yorando is a made up word.

The correct one is Llorando.


I didn't want to sound mean but...It's the truth. Also, If your young, don't get upset. This is just the start of writing. With time you'll improve. :3

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DistortedHumor [2012-01-31 23:59:43 +0000 UTC]

you do realize that the phrase at the end is spanish right?

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SirenDollofDeath [2012-01-31 23:56:31 +0000 UTC]

i really don't like to criticize but as good as the plot Breeze is correct number one way for people to not like your fanfiction is to write illiteraly but it's pretty good

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ElectricBreeze [2012-01-31 23:36:21 +0000 UTC]

This has some really good potential, but there are a couple things that should be taken care of. First thing's first: please, please, please don't use ChatSpeak; it automatically turns readers off, even if the plot is the most mind blowing thing ever. You should also go to the next line every time a character speaks, and on that note, press enter twice as to not have one huge paragraph.
Details, details, details! I know I sound like an uptight teacher, but we, as readers, need to know every little thing!
Hope it helps~
Sincerely,
Electric Breeze

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lunalovesalxesander [2012-01-31 23:22:03 +0000 UTC]

Wait what did he say and is there a part two i am confused!!!

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