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jthomas10 — crescendos.
Published: 2012-08-02 15:13:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 427; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 4
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for the moments we managed to escape into euphoria,bored with everything else but each other.
for the moments we deservingly grew closer -
indivisible, thick as thieves.
for the feeling we got when we knew we were crazy about one another.
we had found someone we were ready to stick it out for,
to stick it out with.
with you absent everything has lost appeal, lacking glory.
so much of my security came from your approving smile.
i mattered.
it's quieter now, cheerless.
the silence is deafening.
i'm unhappy not knowing,
reminiscing still.
for when your knees fell weak,
for when my eyes awed into yours,
for when it was as though the significance called for a clashing of cymbals and beating drums,
for the moments that were majestically unparalleled -
i did it for them; the crescendos.
22-07-12
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Comments: 15
Filled with repetition and strangely patterned choice of words, crescendos. by jthomas10 blends sensory imagery and exquisite narrative into a raw but essentially beautiful piece of work.
The deviant begins each line of the first and last stanzas with the word "for". It draws our attention to the humble connotations of the word. Then the curious narrative pulls us in, drawing us through the events in the poem, the emotions, all the thoughts and plans and wishful notions that the persona has ever felt.
crescendos. is not a perfect piece. The technique is too raw for that, too honest, too genuine, for it to be accepted it as perfection. But in the eyes of a sincere reader, it is a masterpiece, no matter how flawed it may be.
And that, I think, is the beauty of the piece.
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Thanks so much - really appreciate you taking the time out to write such a constructive, thought out critique!
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images are well intended, yet wholesomely private, which lends those images to being too ambiguous for the readers, i feel
so much of my security came from your approving smile.
i mattered. - to me, this is the strength of the piece
only suggestion for future writings: avoid the english grammar irrelevant filler subject of 'it' - unless 'it' can continue to refer to a distinct prior subject, the reader may not directly connect with what you want
thanks for sharing this with SayItHere [link]
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I think we're soul mates! Marry me? lol! This is beautiful
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hahaha! Thank you so much, J!
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Thank YOU!
Do come back, haha!
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I love these words...no matter how heartbreaking they may be...
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I'm sorry for the late reply.
Thanks so much!
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Haha, it's no problem and you're welcome!
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My bad for responding so late!
I'm glad it was worth your visit!
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This is really nice. I enjoyed the last stanza in particular. The last line is so achingly sad. I feel this. Good work.
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Wow, I'm really late on my thank you for this. I'm sorry!
Thank you so much for the praise, I really appreciate it.
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