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Description
I always have so many things running through my head while drawing but when it's time to write the description I always feel mute...
And to be honest- I have a really hard time figuring out how to reply, even when it's just a simple message I still tend to take a few minutes to figure out what to say... And when I get messages like these asking me what's going on with me, my mind goes completely blank because, hell, I don't know what's going on ;A;
I was actually gonna post some vent art but I couldn't because the internet went off. Maybe that's a good thing because the deviation had a pretty depressing, suicidal description... kind of like a heavy metal version of this description
I seriously hate making you guys worry but I guess when I'm feeling ultra sad I can't help but show it while still not wanting to reveal anything that's actually going on. Like letting you know that something is definitely wrong but you don't know if it has to do with my entire family dying or with the cheetos bag being mostly air... and that's some first class manipulative BS right there D,:
It's like I want to ask for help but I don't know how and I don't think it's worth it. I want to believe everything's okay but at the same time the poems I'm writing are often emo as hell.
I seriously don't know why I have such sweet, caring people around me like and , even when my best friend tries to tell me I'm a great person it feels so backwards... ;A; Guys, you are all too good to me!
I really need to somehow wrap up what I'm trying to say:
>I'm depressed and sometimes I truly feel terrible enough to question existence and stay up at nights, it happens
>I guess I have identity issues, sometimes I don't feel it, sometimes I hate myself A LOT for the way I was born and/or the unusual thoughts I have
>I am wayyy too self conscious and I worry a lot about what others think of me. My self esteem is low as hell.
>I don't trust my parents and RL friends enough to talk to them about my problems, not to mention the fact I don't know how to put feelings down in words anyway.
BUT
>I'd never hurt myself though, that part of the brain that doesn't let you stab yourself or do dangerous shit is working overtime for me, I often don't even do "fun" things just to stay safe
>I do believe that one day I'll feel a lot better than I do now, positive outlook towards the future 'cuz I still be young and stuff, I just need to see how life unfolds later
>I try to be independent enough to handle things on my own and not collapse under my own weight, that's often why I rarely tell anyone anything personal like hardships I'm going through
>If you're wondering, school seems fine, my classmates seem like really cool people. Feels like going to school will no longer be as depressing as it used to ;v;
>And, yes, your feedback does help a lot, thank you so much ;v; sometimes just small reassurance is enough to make me feel appreciated and cared for :,DD
>I have things that keep me alive, like my love for music, curiosity about the future, crap ton of crazy dreams and, ummm, YOU DUDES :,)
>And pfffffft, don't get me wrong, a LOT of good thingies happen in my life too! ^^ LIKE THE FACT I GOT 1000+ WATCHERS SO LETS FOCUS ON HAPPY THINGS ;U;

Description
I always have so many things running through my head while drawing but when it's time to write the description I always feel mute...
And to be honest- I have a really hard time figuring out how to reply, even when it's just a simple message I still tend to take a few minutes to figure out what to say... And when I get messages like these asking me what's going on with me, my mind goes completely blank because, hell, I don't know what's going on ;A;
I was actually gonna post some vent art but I couldn't because the internet went off. Maybe that's a good thing because the deviation had a pretty depressing, suicidal description... kind of like a heavy metal version of this description
I seriously hate making you guys worry but I guess when I'm feeling ultra sad I can't help but show it while still not wanting to reveal anything that's actually going on. Like letting you know that something is definitely wrong but you don't know if it has to do with my entire family dying or with the cheetos bag being mostly air... and that's some first class manipulative BS right there D,:
It's like I want to ask for help but I don't know how and I don't think it's worth it. I want to believe everything's okay but at the same time the poems I'm writing are often emo as hell.
I seriously don't know why I have such sweet, caring people around me like and , even when my best friend tries to tell me I'm a great person it feels so backwards... ;A; Guys, you are all too good to me!
I really need to somehow wrap up what I'm trying to say:
>I'm depressed and sometimes I truly feel terrible enough to question existence and stay up at nights, it happens
>I guess I have identity issues, sometimes I don't feel it, sometimes I hate myself A LOT for the way I was born and/or the unusual thoughts I have
>I am wayyy too self conscious and I worry a lot about what others think of me. My self esteem is low as hell.
>I don't trust my parents and RL friends enough to talk to them about my problems, not to mention the fact I don't know how to put feelings down in words anyway.
BUT
>I'd never hurt myself though, that part of the brain that doesn't let you stab yourself or do dangerous shit is working overtime for me, I often don't even do "fun" things just to stay safe
>I do believe that one day I'll feel a lot better than I do now, positive outlook towards the future 'cuz I still be young and stuff, I just need to see how life unfolds later
>I try to be independent enough to handle things on my own and not collapse under my own weight, that's often why I rarely tell anyone anything personal like hardships I'm going through
>If you're wondering, school seems fine, my classmates seem like really cool people. Feels like going to school will no longer be as depressing as it used to ;v;
>And, yes, your feedback does help a lot, thank you so much ;v; sometimes just small reassurance is enough to make me feel appreciated and cared for :,DD
>I have things that keep me alive, like my love for music, curiosity about the future, crap ton of crazy dreams and, ummm, YOU DUDES :,)
>And pfffffft, don't get me wrong, a LOT of good thingies happen in my life too! ^^ LIKE THE FACT I GOT 1000+ WATCHERS SO LETS FOCUS ON HAPPY THINGS ;U;