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Published: 2005-01-03 03:24:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 80; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
breathe in, breathe outand leave the sanity behind
reach in, to reach out
and leave your body on the ground
come drift with me
around the world today
let's sail away,
and cast ourselves aside
just breathe me in
and let us out
unfurl your sails
and blow away within a breath
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Comments: 8
nosugarjustanger [2005-01-08 21:59:26 +0000 UTC]
It's a simple poem, which is enjoyable to read..
QUite romantic too, if someone were to recite it..
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m32 In reply to nosugarjustanger [2005-01-10 23:00:05 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, reciting it was kind of what I thought when I wrote it.
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Jeans16 [2005-01-05 13:35:12 +0000 UTC]
LOVE this except for the last line, it stops the flow and doesn't sit quite right with me.
It is indeed like breathing, it's very smooth.
Why untitled?
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m32 In reply to Jeans16 [2005-01-07 05:29:41 +0000 UTC]
Agreed. The last line needs reworking.
It's untitled because I couldn't think of anything to describe is better then "Breathe" . Plus, the title should hint at the deeper meaning of the poem, and this one really doesn't have any
.
I appreciate the comment.
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Jeans16 In reply to m32 [2005-01-07 05:47:03 +0000 UTC]
Ahh I see...well I forgive you
Untitled is fine after all I was just curious
Welcome
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UsaniPanda [2005-01-03 04:10:40 +0000 UTC]
This is really smooth, easy to follow, the words just flow. I like it.
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m32 In reply to UsaniPanda [2005-01-03 05:03:49 +0000 UTC]
kinda like breathing, huh? thanks, it means alot.
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