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Description
So here it is. The time has finally arrived, many moons late. My take on the Nintendo Switch is finally here. And...well, if the image hasn't already tipped you off, I'm not too impressed. Well...sort of. Let's do this.

1. The General Idea
Now to kick things off, I have to say, I LOVE the general idea of the Nintendo Switch. It sounds like the sort of thing I really appreciate and understand. From what I can gather and what I've seen, it's sort of a cross between a 3DS, a home console and a smartphone. Indeed with its touchscreen I have sort of seen the Switch as Nintendo's take on a gaming tablet. Play it at home, play it on the go, play it in the bathroom, play it in the morgue...okay maybe not that last one but still. I love the idea. True portability. Something that would benefit a lot of people in different, multiple ways. So the idea is pretty cool...what about the execution?

2. The Hardware
While I have my problems with Nintendo, I will happily let it be known I believe they make fantastic hardware. In an industry where PC is king of the crop and most other consoles are too busy with multimedia features and buzzwordy graphical bullshit where Minecraft outsells it all, Nintendo just does what it does best; make hardware that plays the games you want to play. It's something it's done masterfully for years - I loved my Game Boy Advance back in the day and I love my 3DS now - but it's fairly safe to say they've lost their touch in recent years. The Wii was frankly awful; an overhyped, underpowered, shovelware-saturated little white box of "family-friendly" contempt, and the Wii U was better and had better games for it, but sold poorly and had a lot of gimmicky, unneeded features that solidified its not-quite-failure-but-not-quite-success. As for the Switch...well.

It seems well-made and well-designed from a standpoint, but I think the main problem is the general build quality. The controls feel and look extremely cramped even though they follow the same sort of design logistics that the GBA and 3DS used, and overall it has all the same sort of features as the 3DS with its gyroscopes and touch screen. But I think the main problem with the hardware isn't the processing power - not scaled properly, works better outside the dock than in it and framerate tends to chug - but more the fact that, from what I've heard, the damn thing is so fragile. Hardware AND Firmware. The screen is infamously soft and scratches if you so much as blow on it, and is gashed up to the point of uselessness if you stick it in the dock like you're supposed to, and the firmware apparently has outright bricked the thing in the past. Apparently. It seems like a few more design choices were sort of needed, but if this is anything like the DS/DSi/3DS/3DSXL/New 3DS thing, this will be fixed in time. But at the moment, it ain't exactly a great showing.

That said, I like how the side controllers can attach to a clip of sorts and people have made the Switch look like a dog as a result of its shape. That's pretty adorable.

3. The Launch-Day Software
You know, it's funny. I had opinions on all of the Switch launch titles...but I put this off so much I forgot what the launch titles even were. I've done some research and here is what I think of the eight games the Switch launched with.
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: The best game of the console's launch, no doubt about it. I agree that it's a fantastic game, worthy of a lot of its praise...but I DON'T agree with those who say the game is absolutely perfect and deserves no less than 100/10. It's got problems, like the rather...infamous breakble weapons system, and from the sort of expeiernces I've seen old Jim Sterling go through their fans can get incredibly zealous. Christ, and they call Sonic fans bad...at least we didn't DDoS the guy over his review of Sonic Colours.
Snipperclips: Gimmicky sort of game, but at least it feels like there's some actual meat to this one. But...it's kind of worthless single-player, and due to the fact my social skills are kind of...awful, I don't have much interest in this one.
Super Bomberman R: Bomberman has always been the kind of game I can't get along with, but I can see the sort of charm that can be found within it, from its colourful characters and simple gameplay. And from what I've seen of Super Bomberman R it's...more of that. Only now it looks better and plays a touch better, though I hear there's a few problems with its online and accessory features. Better than some of Konami's other latest offerings...put it that way.
1-2-Switch: I've seen tech demos better than this vapid piece of shit.
Shovel Knight: Well...it's Shovel Knight. Only now it has all the free DLC characters as standard, with doubtless more on the way. Loved Shovel Knight back then, so a port is really just more of that goodness.
I am Setsuna: Haven't played it, don't know what it's like. BUT I have seen Jim Sterling review it and it seems...okay. Sounds like something I'd be interested in, but otherwise I don't have much to say about it.
Just Dance 2017: Sod off.
FAST RMX: Or as I like to call it, F-Zero Successor Because Nintendo can't be Bothered. In all honesty, I don't much care for F-Zero but this game looks like a ton of fun. It's basically the Switch's version of Ridge Racer and...yeah that basically means it'll be abandoned down the line, especially now that Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is out, but for what it is, it's pretty good.

4. Later and Upcoming Software
All few of them! Yes, I know there are a lot more coming out for it at around this time, and a game console should never be judged purely on its launch lineup, but...well, I don't particularly care for a lot of the more unusual games that Nintendo allows on its systems, 'because they tend to be a little TOO gimmicky. Which is fine, until the gimmicks take over and make the game uncontrollable...Star Fox Zero. Let me put it this way, you probably won't see something like Undertale on this, at least for right now. For the moment, I'll list the upcoming and later-released games that, for whatever reason, caught my attention.
Mario Kart 8 DELUXE: It's one of the better Mario Kart games with new stages, new items and new characters. It's good...but I have some complaints. Like, the new characters are the Splatoon mascot squidling things, King Boo, Bowser Jr and...Gold Mario. Just...Gold Mario. Seems Nintendo hasn't understood we hate it when they pad their rosters with duplicates.
Splatoon 2: Don't care. I don't care about Splatoon and I hate how people have just used it to shit on Call of Duty some more. The two have nothing in common, and are designed to be for different age groups! Well, DESIGNED to be but still.
Payday 2 Port: Yes, 'cause the last time Overkill ported PD2 to consoles it went so well, didn't it? In all honesty, this was a surprise. A game about clown robbers killing police en-masse and stealing stuff up to and including nuclear warheads doesn't sound like something Nintendo would allow onto their system. That's a good...ish sign.
Skyrim Port: £50 or $60 for a port of a buggy, boring Bethesda game with no mod support? No thanks.
Super Mario Odyssey: Now, I'm going to be honest, Mario Odyssey looks pretty dope. The mainline Mario games have pretty much always been good, and this is no exception. Something a bit different this time, too. Eh, sort of, but the worlds look a little different and the graphics look nicer and honestly I've had a soft spot for games like Mario 64 DS so this should be at least decent...right?
Sonic Mania: Well, it's Sonic Mania. Not my personal cup of tea but it still looks great, it's got good people working on it and it'll set the fanbase ablaze when it comes out, I guarantee it. Well...IF it comes out.
Sonic Forces: I've noticed that people have been snooty about Forces as of late. We've kind of got to that point where people have started to turn on the game, as they do at this stage of the so-called cycle. A lot of passive-aggressive image macros detailing just HOW the game will suck. While I have my own gripes with the game (we REALLY didn't need more Wisps and Green Hill Zone, Sega), I'm still hopeful for the game. Sonic Team can make good 3D Sonic games. They did with Unleashed, Colours AND Generations, so why can't they do it again? Well, Sega rushing the game out by Christmas, but that's besides the point. That said, I feel more information, more gameplay and more story reveals are needed to keep the interst of the people. And I do kind of wish people would shut up about "lol bubsy in sonic forces". That's getting annoying.

While I'm at it, I'll also go over a few games that haven't been officially announced but might just turn up anyway;
Pokemon Stars(?): Well it's been rumoured and leaked, but not confirmed...yet. But it'd be interesting, to be honest...and irritating. I wanted to see a third game in the remakes of Ruby and Sapphire, for Emerald was the one I played and Emerald is still one of my favourite Pokemon games...but that never happened. And now Sun and Moon looks to get a third version instead, on a completely different console. I can only hope that, if this IS a thing, that there will be some sort of cross-playing capability between the 3DS and Switch versions. I mean, Microsoft can do it, why can't Nintendo?
Super Smash Brothers for Switch: It seems like a no-brainer, really. Release a port of Smash 4 3DS and Wii U, add in the character DLC, add a few more stages and maybe add one final character for the port. Sounds like too much sense not to do. BUT...I must admit, I feel that if Nintendo was going to do this, they would have done it already.
Port of Sonic the Hedgehog 1: Because of course.

4. The Main Problem
Alright, people. Time to get to the biggest problem I have with the Switch. Well, actually two problems but we'll get to that when we do. First up...The Price. Holy Shit this thing is expensive in every single way possible to the point I don't understand how anyone at Nintendo found it logical. I mean, £280 for the main thing itself? Fine. That at least hints at decent hardware (though this being the games industry I very much doubt that such a thing is the case), but around £60 for the pro controller? £50 for ONE HALF of the controls? Fuggin' £50 for every game in its library? And a fucking online subscription fee?! Come on Nintendo, you're (well, you WERE) better than this! It's not even as good as what Microsoft and Sony gate off. How do you make a online subscription service WORSE than the already cancerous competition!?

And that leads me to the main problem I have with the Switch; Nintendo Themselves. It goes without saying that they are a far, FAR cry from what they were only a few years ago. A lot of publishers haven't exactly endeared themselves to us, to put it lightly. Modern Capcom doesn't exactly know what its customers want. Modern SEGA are clueless and incompetent. Modern Sony abandons hardware like a disposable razor and take anyone who looks at them funny to court. Modern Konami is...well, Konami. But Modern Nintendo is infamous for being arrogant, sleezy and holding contempt to its Western userbase. Be it taking down every fangame they come across with ferocious, borderline rabid sense of determination, to changing perfectly fine elements of certain Mario games, ruining their other games with boneheaded decisions and then blaming the customers for not marching in lockstep, that whole NES Mini debacle and generally showing a sociopathic hatred of the Western market because it doesn't work exactly like the Eastern market and they can't be bothered to adapt. They really do seem think that they can change pretty much anything they want and everyone will take it gladly and blindly. Which is arrogent at best and borderline hopeless at worst. With this in mind, and with the rest of the problem detailed above, how do we know that the Switch won't fall under this spiteful scrutiny. They've already shown that they don't know how to business in the Western world, and all their attempts to copy some of the aspects (always the awful aspects too, like subscription-based online features and high-price addons) have failed, miserably. From what I have been able to gather, Nintendo doesn't understand why we hate the things they do - and they don't care. As long as the Pachinko-playing gamers of the Land of the Rising Run are happy, Nintendo is happy. Fuck everyone else.

Conclusion
So overall, despite the fact that I love the idea for the Switch, and I like some of the games for the Switch, I'm going to go ahead and skip it. The absurd price tags all around aside, the console just hasn't proven itself yet, the hardware is a touch sloppy, the programs and setups around it are as outdated as they can get and I simply have no trust in Nintendo in that they'll do the right thing for the console, whatever that may be. Plus, I simply don't NEED another console at the moment. Ever since I sussed out that paying for the "privilege" of playing on awful, outdated console servers was a stupid idea, I've been playing PC games ever since and it's been smooth sailing from there. As for handheld items, I still have my 3DS and my smartphone can handle all the other types of games I would want to play on the go. Not well, owing to no physical controls, but still. For the Switch to be seen as worth the purchase in my eyes, it would need a lot of good games, a lot of good value and a lot of good faith in it. And I just don't see any of that stuff, at least at the moment, to justify that £280 price tag.

If you want another, more concise review of the Nintendo Switch, by the way, I would suggest the review of the Switch by Stuart Ashen. He brings up a lot of good points, goes over as much as he can and he didn't have his Switch (and copy of Breath of the Wild) supplied by Nintendo. A lot of other people I've seen review the Switch have, and I can just feel Nintendo aiming a DCMA takedown to their heads like a gun off-screen, waiting to pounce if they don't give Breath of the Wild an ∞/10. Plus the fact those who DID get the stuff via Nintendo tend to be Nintendo fanboys that don't really criticize Nintendo for...anything. Just a little bit dodgy. His review can be found here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5ABkF…

Previous Observation: fav.me/daq1vrj

Next Observation: fav.me/dbtg965

Oh yes, and before I forget. Big thanks to AKA ...uh, The Red Stranger for assistance on the setup for the image. Makes it look a touch more striking, don't you think?

BIG ASS UPDATE (2019)

Well it's been years on from this...I now own a Switch. I play Splatoon 2 every day. SO LET IT BE KNOWN THIS PIECE DOES NOT REFLECT MY CURRENT OPINIONS ON THE CONSOLE still overpriced, though

Description
So here it is. The time has finally arrived, many moons late. My take on the Nintendo Switch is finally here. And...well, if the image hasn't already tipped you off, I'm not too impressed. Well...sort of. Let's do this.

1. The General Idea
Now to kick things off, I have to say, I LOVE the general idea of the Nintendo Switch. It sounds like the sort of thing I really appreciate and understand. From what I can gather and what I've seen, it's sort of a cross between a 3DS, a home console and a smartphone. Indeed with its touchscreen I have sort of seen the Switch as Nintendo's take on a gaming tablet. Play it at home, play it on the go, play it in the bathroom, play it in the morgue...okay maybe not that last one but still. I love the idea. True portability. Something that would benefit a lot of people in different, multiple ways. So the idea is pretty cool...what about the execution?

2. The Hardware
While I have my problems with Nintendo, I will happily let it be known I believe they make fantastic hardware. In an industry where PC is king of the crop and most other consoles are too busy with multimedia features and buzzwordy graphical bullshit where Minecraft outsells it all, Nintendo just does what it does best; make hardware that plays the games you want to play. It's something it's done masterfully for years - I loved my Game Boy Advance back in the day and I love my 3DS now - but it's fairly safe to say they've lost their touch in recent years. The Wii was frankly awful; an overhyped, underpowered, shovelware-saturated little white box of "family-friendly" contempt, and the Wii U was better and had better games for it, but sold poorly and had a lot of gimmicky, unneeded features that solidified its not-quite-failure-but-not-quite-success. As for the Switch...well.

It seems well-made and well-designed from a standpoint, but I think the main problem is the general build quality. The controls feel and look extremely cramped even though they follow the same sort of design logistics that the GBA and 3DS used, and overall it has all the same sort of features as the 3DS with its gyroscopes and touch screen. But I think the main problem with the hardware isn't the processing power - not scaled properly, works better outside the dock than in it and framerate tends to chug - but more the fact that, from what I've heard, the damn thing is so fragile. Hardware AND Firmware. The screen is infamously soft and scratches if you so much as blow on it, and is gashed up to the point of uselessness if you stick it in the dock like you're supposed to, and the firmware apparently has outright bricked the thing in the past. Apparently. It seems like a few more design choices were sort of needed, but if this is anything like the DS/DSi/3DS/3DSXL/New 3DS thing, this will be fixed in time. But at the moment, it ain't exactly a great showing.

That said, I like how the side controllers can attach to a clip of sorts and people have made the Switch look like a dog as a result of its shape. That's pretty adorable.

3. The Launch-Day Software
You know, it's funny. I had opinions on all of the Switch launch titles...but I put this off so much I forgot what the launch titles even were. I've done some research and here is what I think of the eight games the Switch launched with.
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: The best game of the console's launch, no doubt about it. I agree that it's a fantastic game, worthy of a lot of its praise...but I DON'T agree with those who say the game is absolutely perfect and deserves no less than 100/10. It's got problems, like the rather...infamous breakble weapons system, and from the sort of expeiernces I've seen old Jim Sterling go through their fans can get incredibly zealous. Christ, and they call Sonic fans bad...at least we didn't DDoS the guy over his review of Sonic Colours.
Snipperclips: Gimmicky sort of game, but at least it feels like there's some actual meat to this one. But...it's kind of worthless single-player, and due to the fact my social skills are kind of...awful, I don't have much interest in this one.
Super Bomberman R: Bomberman has always been the kind of game I can't get along with, but I can see the sort of charm that can be found within it, from its colourful characters and simple gameplay. And from what I've seen of Super Bomberman R it's...more of that. Only now it looks better and plays a touch better, though I hear there's a few problems with its online and accessory features. Better than some of Konami's other latest offerings...put it that way.
1-2-Switch: I've seen tech demos better than this vapid piece of shit.
Shovel Knight: Well...it's Shovel Knight. Only now it has all the free DLC characters as standard, with doubtless more on the way. Loved Shovel Knight back then, so a port is really just more of that goodness.
I am Setsuna: Haven't played it, don't know what it's like. BUT I have seen Jim Sterling review it and it seems...okay. Sounds like something I'd be interested in, but otherwise I don't have much to say about it.
Just Dance 2017: Sod off.
FAST RMX: Or as I like to call it, F-Zero Successor Because Nintendo can't be Bothered. In all honesty, I don't much care for F-Zero but this game looks like a ton of fun. It's basically the Switch's version of Ridge Racer and...yeah that basically means it'll be abandoned down the line, especially now that Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is out, but for what it is, it's pretty good.

4. Later and Upcoming Software
All few of them! Yes, I know there are a lot more coming out for it at around this time, and a game console should never be judged purely on its launch lineup, but...well, I don't particularly care for a lot of the more unusual games that Nintendo allows on its systems, 'because they tend to be a little TOO gimmicky. Which is fine, until the gimmicks take over and make the game uncontrollable...Star Fox Zero. Let me put it this way, you probably won't see something like Undertale on this, at least for right now. For the moment, I'll list the upcoming and later-released games that, for whatever reason, caught my attention.
Mario Kart 8 DELUXE: It's one of the better Mario Kart games with new stages, new items and new characters. It's good...but I have some complaints. Like, the new characters are the Splatoon mascot squidling things, King Boo, Bowser Jr and...Gold Mario. Just...Gold Mario. Seems Nintendo hasn't understood we hate it when they pad their rosters with duplicates.
Splatoon 2: Don't care. I don't care about Splatoon and I hate how people have just used it to shit on Call of Duty some more. The two have nothing in common, and are designed to be for different age groups! Well, DESIGNED to be but still.
Payday 2 Port: Yes, 'cause the last time Overkill ported PD2 to consoles it went so well, didn't it? In all honesty, this was a surprise. A game about clown robbers killing police en-masse and stealing stuff up to and including nuclear warheads doesn't sound like something Nintendo would allow onto their system. That's a good...ish sign.
Skyrim Port: £50 or $60 for a port of a buggy, boring Bethesda game with no mod support? No thanks.
Super Mario Odyssey: Now, I'm going to be honest, Mario Odyssey looks pretty dope. The mainline Mario games have pretty much always been good, and this is no exception. Something a bit different this time, too. Eh, sort of, but the worlds look a little different and the graphics look nicer and honestly I've had a soft spot for games like Mario 64 DS so this should be at least decent...right?
Sonic Mania: Well, it's Sonic Mania. Not my personal cup of tea but it still looks great, it's got good people working on it and it'll set the fanbase ablaze when it comes out, I guarantee it. Well...IF it comes out.
Sonic Forces: I've noticed that people have been snooty about Forces as of late. We've kind of got to that point where people have started to turn on the game, as they do at this stage of the so-called cycle. A lot of passive-aggressive image macros detailing just HOW the game will suck. While I have my own gripes with the game (we REALLY didn't need more Wisps and Green Hill Zone, Sega), I'm still hopeful for the game. Sonic Team can make good 3D Sonic games. They did with Unleashed, Colours AND Generations, so why can't they do it again? Well, Sega rushing the game out by Christmas, but that's besides the point. That said, I feel more information, more gameplay and more story reveals are needed to keep the interst of the people. And I do kind of wish people would shut up about "lol bubsy in sonic forces". That's getting annoying.

While I'm at it, I'll also go over a few games that haven't been officially announced but might just turn up anyway;
Pokemon Stars(?): Well it's been rumoured and leaked, but not confirmed...yet. But it'd be interesting, to be honest...and irritating. I wanted to see a third game in the remakes of Ruby and Sapphire, for Emerald was the one I played and Emerald is still one of my favourite Pokemon games...but that never happened. And now Sun and Moon looks to get a third version instead, on a completely different console. I can only hope that, if this IS a thing, that there will be some sort of cross-playing capability between the 3DS and Switch versions. I mean, Microsoft can do it, why can't Nintendo?
Super Smash Brothers for Switch: It seems like a no-brainer, really. Release a port of Smash 4 3DS and Wii U, add in the character DLC, add a few more stages and maybe add one final character for the port. Sounds like too much sense not to do. BUT...I must admit, I feel that if Nintendo was going to do this, they would have done it already.
Port of Sonic the Hedgehog 1: Because of course.

4. The Main Problem
Alright, people. Time to get to the biggest problem I have with the Switch. Well, actually two problems but we'll get to that when we do. First up...The Price. Holy Shit this thing is expensive in every single way possible to the point I don't understand how anyone at Nintendo found it logical. I mean, £280 for the main thing itself? Fine. That at least hints at decent hardware (though this being the games industry I very much doubt that such a thing is the case), but around £60 for the pro controller? £50 for ONE HALF of the controls? Fuggin' £50 for every game in its library? And a fucking online subscription fee?! Come on Nintendo, you're (well, you WERE) better than this! It's not even as good as what Microsoft and Sony gate off. How do you make a online subscription service WORSE than the already cancerous competition!?

And that leads me to the main problem I have with the Switch; Nintendo Themselves. It goes without saying that they are a far, FAR cry from what they were only a few years ago. A lot of publishers haven't exactly endeared themselves to us, to put it lightly. Modern Capcom doesn't exactly know what its customers want. Modern SEGA are clueless and incompetent. Modern Sony abandons hardware like a disposable razor and take anyone who looks at them funny to court. Modern Konami is...well, Konami. But Modern Nintendo is infamous for being arrogant, sleezy and holding contempt to its Western userbase. Be it taking down every fangame they come across with ferocious, borderline rabid sense of determination, to changing perfectly fine elements of certain Mario games, ruining their other games with boneheaded decisions and then blaming the customers for not marching in lockstep, that whole NES Mini debacle and generally showing a sociopathic hatred of the Western market because it doesn't work exactly like the Eastern market and they can't be bothered to adapt. They really do seem think that they can change pretty much anything they want and everyone will take it gladly and blindly. Which is arrogent at best and borderline hopeless at worst. With this in mind, and with the rest of the problem detailed above, how do we know that the Switch won't fall under this spiteful scrutiny. They've already shown that they don't know how to business in the Western world, and all their attempts to copy some of the aspects (always the awful aspects too, like subscription-based online features and high-price addons) have failed, miserably. From what I have been able to gather, Nintendo doesn't understand why we hate the things they do - and they don't care. As long as the Pachinko-playing gamers of the Land of the Rising Run are happy, Nintendo is happy. Fuck everyone else.

Conclusion
So overall, despite the fact that I love the idea for the Switch, and I like some of the games for the Switch, I'm going to go ahead and skip it. The absurd price tags all around aside, the console just hasn't proven itself yet, the hardware is a touch sloppy, the programs and setups around it are as outdated as they can get and I simply have no trust in Nintendo in that they'll do the right thing for the console, whatever that may be. Plus, I simply don't NEED another console at the moment. Ever since I sussed out that paying for the "privilege" of playing on awful, outdated console servers was a stupid idea, I've been playing PC games ever since and it's been smooth sailing from there. As for handheld items, I still have my 3DS and my smartphone can handle all the other types of games I would want to play on the go. Not well, owing to no physical controls, but still. For the Switch to be seen as worth the purchase in my eyes, it would need a lot of good games, a lot of good value and a lot of good faith in it. And I just don't see any of that stuff, at least at the moment, to justify that £280 price tag.

If you want another, more concise review of the Nintendo Switch, by the way, I would suggest the review of the Switch by Stuart Ashen. He brings up a lot of good points, goes over as much as he can and he didn't have his Switch (and copy of Breath of the Wild) supplied by Nintendo. A lot of other people I've seen review the Switch have, and I can just feel Nintendo aiming a DCMA takedown to their heads like a gun off-screen, waiting to pounce if they don't give Breath of the Wild an ∞/10. Plus the fact those who DID get the stuff via Nintendo tend to be Nintendo fanboys that don't really criticize Nintendo for...anything. Just a little bit dodgy. His review can be found here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5ABkF…

Previous Observation: fav.me/daq1vrj

Next Observation: fav.me/dbtg965

Oh yes, and before I forget. Big thanks to AKA ...uh, The Red Stranger for assistance on the setup for the image. Makes it look a touch more striking, don't you think?

BIG ASS UPDATE (2019)

Well it's been years on from this...I now own a Switch. I play Splatoon 2 every day. SO LET IT BE KNOWN THIS PIECE DOES NOT REFLECT MY CURRENT OPINIONS ON THE CONSOLE still overpriced, though