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Published: 2012-10-05 04:32:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 476; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 4
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Description
I have messages in bottleswritten in blood,
and words in my head
that cause tears to flood.
I have scarred knuckles
and shattered glass,
I have no reflection
or smiles that last.
I have no heart
which I'm willing to give.
I have no life,
which I'm willing to live.
What can I say,
to make you understand?
Don't grow up, dear,
nothing goes as planned.
You break and shatter,
and forget the starry night.
You cry and turn bitter,
turning away from the light.
You're so young right now,
and ask why I'm so cold.
Just remember, love,
this happens when you grow old.
Comments: 29
Out-Of-Earths-Reach [2012-12-04 22:55:07 +0000 UTC]
I love this! It's beautiful and very well written!~
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Miss--Understood In reply to Out-Of-Earths-Reach [2012-12-05 02:12:14 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much
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Out-Of-Earths-Reach In reply to Miss--Understood [2012-12-05 22:15:11 +0000 UTC]
No problem!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
NotenSMSK [2012-11-18 07:22:33 +0000 UTC]
This is an extremely well written work! The rhyming and the stanza formation work very well. the precession of the story/theme is also very well handled and has little flaws in it. Expressions at times are beautiful and the ending just comes out brilliantly! There is little to criticize in this work
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Miss--Understood In reply to NotenSMSK [2012-11-18 07:27:05 +0000 UTC]
wow, thank you so much, it means a lot to me
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NotenSMSK In reply to Miss--Understood [2012-11-18 07:31:49 +0000 UTC]
You are very welcome
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PastMisfortunes [2012-10-16 02:38:54 +0000 UTC]
Very true.... I like the last two verses, especially the last one~
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Miss--Understood In reply to PastMisfortunes [2012-10-16 04:34:45 +0000 UTC]
thank you very much and thank you for the watch
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hfeather53 [2012-10-10 05:28:11 +0000 UTC]
Very good job. If I could suggest taking out that "to you" in the first line on the fourth stanza. I think it would flow better. I would actually change that stanza to read something like this:
What can I say
to make you understand?
Never grow up.
Nothing goes as planned.
That's the weakest stanza (in my opinion). Everything else is good. Minor edits and it could be great ^o ^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Miss--Understood In reply to Hfeather53 [2012-10-10 23:09:55 +0000 UTC]
that does help and i like the flow better, thank you so much
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BelaRoseWolf [2012-10-06 00:42:43 +0000 UTC]
This is an interesting poem... A bit blunt, but I like it! Good work!
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undeadfreak16 [2012-10-05 10:07:07 +0000 UTC]
"I have scarred knuckles
and shattered glass,
I have no reflection
or smiles that last. "
Great lines. Really hit me right in the stomach.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Miss--Understood In reply to undeadfreak16 [2012-10-05 13:28:11 +0000 UTC]
thank you very much
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undeadfreak16 In reply to Miss--Understood [2012-10-05 22:06:03 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome (:
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Epicaracacy In reply to Miss--Understood [2012-10-05 13:34:46 +0000 UTC]
you are most welcome
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Miss--Understood In reply to kaiti180 [2012-10-05 13:29:15 +0000 UTC]
Haven't listened to her in months, since like we went to see her...what song did it remind you of?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
kaiti180 In reply to Miss--Understood [2012-10-05 20:55:34 +0000 UTC]
"never grow old"
except this is a very very. . .veeerrry scary version of it
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Miss--Understood In reply to kaiti180 [2012-10-06 10:57:54 +0000 UTC]
Oh, I didn't even think about that song
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