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mrgrinmore — The Threshold:
Published: 2014-07-22 13:00:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 155; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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Description     "Whoop!  Careful now!" Karen giggled as her husband carried her over the threshold of their hotel room.  Matt laughed and turned, navigating her through the doorway with a little difficulty due to how large her dress was compared to the narrow, almost claustrophobic doorway.  Shutting the door behind him with a push from his shoe, Matt carried her all the way to the large bed, plopping her onto it with childlike humor, to which she gleefully yelped and laughed, reaching over to pull him to join her.  As honeymooners were wont to do, their eager, impatient bodies were soon laid bare and intertwined.

    Hours later, still excited but with less energy from all that tension released, Karen moved over to the satin drapes to pull them aside, wanting to look out at the moonlit beach and waves caressing the shore like her husband had her body.  Instead, what she saw was frozen tundra, a strong wind blowing across the slopes, sharp rock peaks poking through the snow.
    "What in the world...?"  Matt said, having finally gotten up to see what she was staring at.  The two gawked for a moment before pinching themselves, then each other, flinching both at the sensation and the realization that it wasn't all a dream.  Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.  The two just stared at each other, gulping, not answering the booming thudding.

    "Room service!"  A voice called out for the fifth time before the thudding resumed.
    "We didn't call for any!  Go away!"  Matt called out, holding his shuddering new wife close.  The thudding continued and the two went back to the window, shutting the drapes and shivering as the growing crystals on their window started to expand into the room.  The newlyweds moved away from the spreading frost, hurrying to put back on their undergarments, then opening their luggage, hoping to find something warm to put on.  Instead what they found were broken and shattered bones which fell out and clattered on the floor.  Karen screamed.

    Matt tried making the gas fireplace ignite, but the controls weren't working.  The two had clothed themselves with their wedding attire and held each other close as the thudding at the door continued, looking back at the door and window alternately.  They had wrapped the bed's sheets and blanket around themselves as well but even that was little comfort as the room had taken a white tint from the drop in temperature.  Though loathe to answer that booming door again, Matt called out,
    "Can you turn up the heat?  We're f-f-freezing in here!"  The pounding stopped and then the window opened, ice cracking off of it and the drapes blowing back away from a breeze which carried not another chill, but a surge of heat.  The couple looked at each other, still shivering but moving over to the window, putting a hand up to shield their eyes from the brightness of what they saw outside.  Rather than the originally expected beach or the frozen wastes, the vista was now a bubbling, hissing and popping volcano, with rivers of lava pouring down its length and diverting around a boulder-filled slope to avoid engulfing their hotel.  Staring at it in disbelief, the husband and wife were startled once again as thudding came from the door.
    "Room service!"

    "Can you take us back to where we first came from?"  Karen called out to the voice on the opposite side of the door.  Rather than pausing this time, the thudding continued with even more intensity.  Karen pulled on her hair, shuddering at the thought of what might lie beyond their room, backing up toward the bed.  Matt watched her for a moment then pounded back on the door.
    "Take us back!  Damn it, we're guests here!"  The thudding only increased in cadence and resonance until finally Matt gripped the door handle and turned it despite his wife's wailing for him to stop, rushing to prevent him from opening that door, anything to keep whatever was on the other side of that threshold at bay.  The door swung wide as the knob turned fully, followed by their screams echoing through the entire hotel.
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Comments: 15

saevuswinds [2014-07-26 13:43:04 +0000 UTC]

I agree with Ragemoon , I feel like the pacing could be slowed down. I think the title's fitting tough. 

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mrgrinmore In reply to saevuswinds [2014-07-26 18:02:38 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.  I try to make the titles have double meaning usually.  It definitely could be slowed a bit if I do eventually go back and edit it.

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saevuswinds In reply to mrgrinmore [2014-07-27 15:01:37 +0000 UTC]

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Ragemoon In reply to saevuswinds [2014-07-26 13:44:11 +0000 UTC]

I like the title. It will make for a brilliant story if fleshed out more.

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saevuswinds In reply to Ragemoon [2014-07-27 15:01:48 +0000 UTC]

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Ragemoon In reply to saevuswinds [2014-07-27 15:03:44 +0000 UTC]

^_^

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Ragemoon [2014-07-26 13:15:35 +0000 UTC]

This built up rather quickly. A bit too quick for me. This is a story I would love to see teased out more. To see more. To feel more. To experience more of what happened in the story. I would like to feel more of their terror. More of their horror as things just got even more strange. 

Thank you for sharing. It is a beautiful quick bit you have written here.

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mrgrinmore In reply to Ragemoon [2014-07-26 18:01:47 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, the pacing definitely could be slowed to extend the piece out.  I did it without any editing, same as all the other pieces this month, but I might revisit it later to build it up more.

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JamieWiles [2014-07-22 23:23:49 +0000 UTC]

Good story

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mrgrinmore In reply to JamieWiles [2014-07-23 00:32:31 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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JamieWiles In reply to mrgrinmore [2014-07-25 15:23:48 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

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nosirrah123 [2014-07-22 20:03:31 +0000 UTC]

Meh, I've stayed in worse hotels, at least they could control the thermostat.

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mrgrinmore In reply to nosirrah123 [2014-07-23 00:33:13 +0000 UTC]

  Yeesssss...  Because that's a key selling point for a terrifying hotel. 

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nosirrah123 In reply to mrgrinmore [2014-07-23 02:57:47 +0000 UTC]

Seems like a pretty sweet deal. 2 amazing views, and room service comes without you even having to ask!

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mrgrinmore In reply to nosirrah123 [2014-07-23 05:52:09 +0000 UTC]

Yup!  Even if you definitely, definitely don't want it to! 

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