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[Eris: Hello to all the fans and potential enemies of the lovable drunk commie! Usually, he's here doing the opening, but he's hit the vodka harder than

usual. Why? He just found a TF2 fanfic, and he's become a huge fan of that game.

Noka: Let's hope this isn't painful, because my head is gonna hurt much later!
Eris: This fic is ten chapters long and completed.
Noka: Fabulous.
Eris: And it's called "Teen Fortress 2" and it's written by MarissaTheWriter.]

OK GUYS IM HAVIN TORBLE THINKIN UP WHAT THE STORY PLOT FOR TEEN FORTES 2 WILL BEEN BUT HEERS THE PROLOG

FOR NOW.

TEEN FORTRESS 2

[Noka: It already smells like sweat, hormones and Nirvana. SO MUCH ANGST!]

CHAPTER 1: MEET THE SCOT

[Noka: That's "black Scottish cyclops for you!]

Hi my nam is Scot an I live in Florda wif my mom an dad an my ate mad dog brothors. They are mad gos becos my dad is a dog an my mom is humon

so im half so I can ran reely fast.

[Eris: Oh no, she just made a spelling error with the class name.
Noka: GRAMMAR NAZI TO THE RESCUE!
Eris: Even if Scout was part animal, I imagined him to be more like a stag.]

My bros was always beetin me up an hurtin me an stuff. "Hey Scot yuo must do are homeork an yurs but well eat yurs so you get a bad grad LOL!" My

bros sayd an started to pump at me.

[Noka: Oh god no, they cummed into his face!]

"U GUYS ARE JUST DERKS!1!" I runned to my room an cocked the door an cried.

[Noka: Yeah, I sure wish the lock for my room was a fleshlight.
Eris: Are you horny?
Noka: Maybe.]

Thins wasnt good for me an I was serios derpessed an I even thot bout maybe becomin a goth emo.

[Eris: Stereotypes away!]

No thing was happy heer, an note ven my girlfrend cold fix it. My girlfrind wsa named Katty Smithereens (U NO HOO U ARE KATTY!) but my bros

killd her an defeced her corpse.

[Noka: Nope, haven't seen a one Katty Smith blown to bits or shat on.]

(They didant get in troble becos there dogs an dogs cant get arrested). CASH BOOM BANG said the door my bros was breakin it

[Eris: Can't anthros be arrested?
Noka: I'm not sure where the real world law would stand on that. They could arrest Scoots mum for beastiality.]

"Yur gonna die now b******!" Wulf said he was my oldest brother an the most meen. I gotted out my baseball bat that I niknamed Marrissa for some

reson I didnt rember.

[Noka: The writer wants to feel special, maybe.]

Holdin it tite I pulled op the door an hitted Wulf on the dum head an he died. "OMFG!" My bros OMFGed at the site of the kill. They ranned off an did

poops from scarred but this was not god. I WAS A murder now! I wold have to go on the run.

[Noka: You no mess with Scooter!
Eris: I guess any drinking games are out of the question.]

Wile my bros was still cryin at Wulfs kill I put my thighs into my handbag [...and became the laughingstock of the fashion industry, except Lady

Gaga.]

(becos its florda an everyone has a handbag there lol) an roundhose kicked the door down. "OMG HE IS ESKAPIN KILL THE MUDRE!1!1" This

was my coo so I runned more faster than ever befour but a trane came.

[Eris: Boston is not in Florida. Somebody flunked Geography class.
Noka: You mean he's going to Florida.
Eris: *Reads again* Nope, this person really did make a mistake.]

"GET HIIM!" Time was runnin out so I had to do fast an jumped over the trane an landed an ranned so more.

[Noka: It's hard to stop a trane. Those air filters are fucking powerful.]

It was lick three weeks I ran from them an then I saw a place that was... PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL! Sum kids was talkin an saw me an one came over

with a sexay austrial aksent. "Gdday you most be the new xchange student. You can call me Snipper becos I can shoot reel good lol."

[Noka: Call 'im Snipper because he can cut you... with steel scissors plated in 9k gold!
Eris: Damn, you're really mellow.]

I nodded kinna confused at whats goin on an Sniper taked me to the other guys.

"This is the new studant hes new." The guys was a fat guy, a doktor guy, a soot man, a solder, a guy wif a mask like batman, an blak guy with guns an

boms. "Were all best frends an have cool niknames they are Heevy, Ingineer, Demoan, Medik, Spy, Solder an im Sniper." A mussely guy with a hot gurl

waved by at us. "Those are are friends Gabe Jonson an his girlfriend Caroloin."

[Noka: Oh no, not a crossover!
Eris: It was only until now you figured it was one?
Noka: Urrr... *Reads* Glory be cursing me, I'm stupid!
Eris: Now you know not to read when tipsy.]

"Nise to meet you all I am Scot." But they mistaked me for saying Scout so that was my new nikname! Then a guy. [Eris: Then a guy what? I

accidentally a word!]

"Bloody hell hoos the soddin new wanker?" He britished at me he was tall with blond hare an gasses an like nerd.

[Noka: British is not a verb, it's a synonym for "I don't have yellow bunnies".
Eris: I think we should stop. You're starting to make no sense!]

"I am the Scot." I happied to him with my new nikname.

[Noka: Happy is synonymous for--
Eris: No more bullshit please!]

"Well my names... WHEATLY!'1'1"!"

[Noka: HOO WEE! Mah name's a grain and I'm only one-foot-one-inches tall!
Eris: That's... uh... clever... For a half drunk fella anyway.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

OMG WHEETLY HOWS IT HAPPENED? FIN OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF TEEN FORTOISE 2!

[Noka: I like tortoises.]

THANKS FOR REMINDIN ME ABOUT PIRO DONT WORRY PIRO HAS A BIG PART IN THE STORY AN IS LIKE THE SEKOND MOST

IMPORTANT DUDE.

TEEN FORRTESS

[Noka: Why you rape the shift key all the time?!]

CHAAPTER 2: SNIPER'S NEW PET

The next mornin I waked up, I lived with Sniper (hes my best friend) becos I coldnt go home since I wasa fujitive. Sniper yawned with loudly an "Gday

Scot!" He waved an we got red for school.

[Noka: Red paint? Red wrenches? Red meat sandvitches?]

First twe ate brekfas I had a omlet an muffins an cap'n crunsh (peanut butter flavor), bacon, a bread love, milk, sawsage, an some dog food for my half

dog part. I eat a lot of stuff becos I hace a super hi metabolism an never get fatter .

[Noka: My metabolism is speedy as well, but I don't eat that much!
Eris: That's why you have bony fingers, skelly!
Noka: Don't call me that!]

Affer brekfas we got dress an headed off to school. "BY SCOT AN SNIPER!" Sniper parents say and waved they was old an had brane damage so

they didant no I wasnt there sun.

[Noka: The "mental defectives" joke comes to my mind.]

We were walkin to school wen Sniper stoped fast an said "Scot look its a aminal!" I looked an I saw there was a thin like a rakoon but with no black or

tale an big eers. It was... a kola!

[Eris: And lookie over there, you have a soda and a pop.]

"OMG a kola its soo coot!" Sniepr happied becos kolas are his favorite aminal. He piced up the kola an huged it.

[Eris: And then the "coot kola" can exploded, smothering "Scooter" with hot, sticky sugar water.
Noka: Oh my god, if there is one anyway, I swear this author used an English to Erhmagerd translator.]

"Wate, kolas dont life here." I thot it was a mistery on how the kola was there. "She most be an eskaped zoo aminal it will be are new pet!" I never had a

pet befour becos my mad dogs bros wold eat all them so I was real happy.

[Noka: I just had a sudden realization why the author made Scoot half dog.
Eris: She's a closet wolfaboo? Ha, kidding!
Noka: No, because "mad dog" is used to describe Scooter's bros. Man, I'm stupid.
Eris: Nah, just wasted.]

"Lets name her Katty Smithereens in onor of my dead girlfriend." I suggestioned an Sniper nodded with head "Yeah!". School was common up quick so I

put Katty Smithereens in my ballsack but Sniper was angary.

[Noka: That's gonna be an interesting story for when Scooter goes for his prostate exam sometime in the future!]

"I fond her I shold hold her!" He angryied at me but I told him the hard trooth.

"nIper yur bakack is full of gun an homeork Katty wont fit in there my ballsack only has balls an Marrissa so theres more room." Sniper said "OK yur

right Scot." And we classed at school.

[Noka: Classed is a synonym for "I really need to get back to school and learn some fucking grammar!"
Eris: Don't forget punctuation and spelling!]

Are first class was histry an the teecher Mr. Pursell was tellin us bout how hot dugs was made. Gabe Jonson was passin notes wif Carlion an she blushed

at the note words so Mr. Pursell exscreamed 'WHAT IS THE MEENING OF THIS?" He tkaed the note an red it an bushed.

[Noka: I read this and drunked.]

"OMG!" He went an Gabe the note back so we all were lolling at dum Mr. Pursell. The bell ranged an we headed to sekond period that wus math class

wif Mr. Sanpe (lol). I sat next to Heavy an Piro.

[Eris: Oh no, not another crossover with Harry Potter!]

"Hey Piro Im Scot." I said so Piro made sound noses that I coldnt here. "Why cant Piro talk?" I aksed to Heavy who got a sad look.

"Piro has sick lick the qurans from Mass Affect so he cannt leaf his soot or he dies eksept to do the do." He russianed back to me an I felt reel sorry for

Piro.

[Eris: Those sentences would make both my English and Geography teachers cry.]

A crunchmunch noses started common from my ballsack an I looked in an a saw... Katty was eatin the balls!

[Noka: Haha ouch! That's really gonna make an interesting story to tell your doctor!]

I had to stop her but pets wasnt allowed to school so I coldnt take her out. I thot fast an raysed my hand.

"Yes Scot Mr. Sanpe Said at my raysed hand." The hole room stared at me an I was nervos but I had to get Katty out of my balls.

"I uh need to bathroom im havin a period!" The class was all lolling at me an Mr. Sanpe was freeked out an thot I was a hemafordins or somethining lick

that.

[Noka: Ohoho, you're really gonna surprise your doctor.
Eris: If he can have a period, then I can have my ovaries drop into my labia.
Noka: Now you're the horny one!]

"OK but see the nurse to becos boys dont have perods so you might be a hesmanofdite."

[Noka: Did Tara Gilesbie help you write this, Marissa?]

I gotted my stuff an went to the lockor room at the Jim to put Katty in my locker. When I waked in tho I saw a ton of naked gurls oh no I was in teh rong

room! The gurls all started screeming lowd at me an got reddy to beat me up so I ran but first I saw onna the gurls was puttin on a soot it was... PIRO?

[Noka: Why are there no lockers in the halls? Doesn't the gym have separate locker rooms for boys and girls, or did Scoot take the wrong one?]

TO BE CONTINUED!

PIRO IS A GILR! OMG THIS STORYS JUS FULL OF TWISTS AN TURNS WHAT ILL SCOT DO NOW?

[Noka: He gets a boner that kills the kola in his ballsack.]

AN THANKS LOGIC FOR TELLIN BOUT THE SPELLIN MISTAK OF PYRO (SEE IF YUR CONSERTIVE I LISTAN INSTEAD OF THE

DUM FALMERS!)

[Eris: Oh, this totally screams "I'm friends with Tara".]

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHAPPTER THREEN: SEEKRITS OF THE PYRO REVEALED!

I o-mouthed in shock at Pyros girl. How cold no none have noed? I ran fast lick in Meet the Scot so the gurls missed with punces but they chased me but

were still naked. I saw Wheatly in the halls an he saw alls the naked gurls and freeked out.

[Eris: The girls in my highschool would whip you real good if you were a dong-bearer wandering in there.
Noka: The girls at mine prefer verbal assaults.]

"Bloody hell sod Scot those naked buggers are gonna wankin kill you oh god save the queen!" Wheatly britished lowd an ran away becos he didant like

the gurls his hart only belonged to Marrissa but he didant met her yet becos it was not then.

[Noka: I'm usually fine with self inserts if they're done right, but this writer sounds "forever alone".]

I had to loose them some how or things wold go down reel bad. I reeched into my ballsack an got out Marrissa the Bat an some balls an batted them at

the gurls an they got hitted an falled over. Some footboll dudes saw the naked gurls on ground an STARTED TO RAP THEM!

[Eris: I'm glad the boys at my highschool weren't like that. I would've reported their sorry faces to the police!]

This was bad so I batted more balls to at thim an then all Teen Fortress 2 but Pyro got there to help. "OH NO YOU DONT!1" Heavy russianed at the

jerk rappers an shooted them big bullets. "Sasa (Heavys gun) was raped once by a football dude so its personal."

[Noka: You don't rape guns, it's more like the other way around in any country.]

He sayd an braked the football necks. With the bad overed I had to find Pyro an get the down lo.

[Eris: Fun fact! A "down low" is a straight man who sleeps with both men and women, but keeps his sex life with men a secret. It's considered a form

of closeted bisexuality.]

"By the way weres Katty?" Asked Snapper. "O NO I FORGOT!" An Katty was loosed. Sniper went to asfety her but I had to location Pryo. Becos Im

half dog I can smell god an soon I piced up a Pyros trale. I went to trale an saw Pryo hidin in the siense lab.

"Pyro I no yur a girl!" Pyro o-mouthed in shock. "No Im not!" She say back but I new better. "Yes you are!" "OK then proof it." She ponted. I thot bout

what I say in the loker room an said. "You have long blond hare, green eyes, huge bobs, an very pretty ." Pryos eye lited up.

[Noka: I thought of Pyro as being slightly chubby.]

"You really thin Im pretty?" She ask an I nodded with head. Then... she taked face off "My reel name is Tanya Lockwood." THEN WE STARTED TO

MAK EOUT!

[Noka: Typical fictional teen romance. Don't worry, they'll break up in a week.
Eris: I noticed you sound more sober now.
Noka: Yes, this time I'm trying to sound intelligent.]

Meenwhile!... Sniper was serching for Katty all thru the school. Katty was no were that he looked but then felt a somethin chewin his back. Sniper turned

roun an it was... KATTY! "Katty I thot you was lost forevar!" Sniper hugged Katty the Kola but Katty looked reel sad. "Katty whats rong?" An sinse

Snper is Austrian he speaks kola so Katty told him. "He did WHAT?11111/?/"

[Eris: Austrian and Australian are not the same. This person really must've flunked school.
Noka: I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore.
Eris: Same here.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

WHAT HAPPONED TO KATTY? FIND OOUT NEXT TIME!

AN THANKS REIVEW GUYS BUT CAN BOUNCY SAID SHE DIDANT LIKE MY STORY AS GOOD AS ITS MY LIFE! AN AI THOT

MAYBE THATS WHY IT DOESNT HAVE ABS MANY REVIEWS? I THANK ITS BECOS ITS MY LIFE IS A ACSHUN ADVENTURE WIF

LOTS OF COOL STORY AN HOT ROMANSE BUT TEEN FORTRESS 2 IS MORE DOWN TO ERTH AN REAL PROBLEMS OF HIGH

SCHOOL.

[Noka: Either you're a troll following in Tara's footsteps or you're really this terrible at portraying real highschool drama. It's not that down to earth at

all. It feels rushed, forced, and the way you exaggerate things that don't matter more than the elements that do matter bugs me.]

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHPATER 4: KATTY TELLS ALL

Pryo putted her face back on an said "I have to class now see you latter Scot my new boyfrend."

[Eris: I don't think skinless faces are hot. They're scary!]

I smied at her an felt all in love becos she was soo pretty an hot. [Noka: Typical hormones!]

"See you latter Tanya." An she bushed at the say of her reel name. I got out of the crass room to go to my next class jim wen I saw Sniper runnin to wars

me with Katty THE KOALA (THANKS LOGIK YUR THE BEST)!

[Noka: Ohoho, you're gonna need a hell of a lot more spellin corrections than that!]

"Sniepr you fond Katty!" I happied an waved. For a second I thot Katty was loosed forever. B ut Sniper had a sad on his feces.

[Noka: That means you have depressed intestines, Mr. Mundy!
Eris: Wha?
Noka: That's his canon surname, I think.]

"Katty telled me that she saw somethin super bad Scout." I o-mouthed that Sniper new how to talk koala. "What is news?" Sniper looked sad.

"Katty saw Spy tryin a cheet with Carline on Gabe Jonson!" This was super bad lick the Sniper said. Carolin was Gabes girl so so we had to stop Spy

from makin an adultary.

[Noka: Spy's sappin' some hormones!]

"Common we gotta stop them!" We ran lick I did in Meet the Scot an jumped over other pepole but then somethin stoped us dead in are tracks it was...

PRINSIPAL GLADOS! (AN Shes Carolins mom an its were Gabe Jonson gets the idea to name the robot body for Caroline GLaDOS from)

[*Eris puts on "I Like It" by the Rezillos and cranks it up*]

"What are you to doin outside of class?" She meaned at us in robot voice becos she smoked a lot an had to get a robot voice like that guy on the no

smokin comershals. We didant have time to deel with GLaDOS so I had to think fast an realiced that there was only one way. I taked out Marrissa an a

ball an batted it an it hit Principal GladOS but gave her amneesha so she didnt rember me hittin her.

[Noka: Machines don't get amnesia, they get viruses and malfunctions.]

"Nice moves Scoot!" Sniper hi fifed me an we ran more to find Spy and Carline.

[Noka: YAY! He called him by his unofficial nickname!]

We looked in crass rooms, lunch even jim but they was no were. "OF CORSE!" I realiced "THEY MUST BE AT TEH DARMA ROOM!" We got there

an saw Caroline gettin coronered by Spy with a scarred look on her feces.

[Eris: These people have some very... emotive colons to produce poop with... quirks like that.]

"Pleese Caroline forgot about Gabe Im a reel man!" Spy frenched sexay to her. "No Spy I cant I love Gabe Jonson." But Spy had his nife an if she didant

cheat he wold stabe her! I thru some balls at Scot an they hit him but he keep goin an was about to sex Caraline up!

[Noka: A real man stabs a woman who doesn't go with him? Smooth moves, spy!
Eris: Sarcasm?
Noka: Of course!]

Sniper put Katty on a seet so she wold be safe then pulled down his mants an... HE PEED ON SPY! "Eww gross1" Spy was really mad. Wile he was

distrakted I ran to behind him an grabed Spy so he coldnt sex Caroline. "My hero!" She said an kissed me cheek.

"Now lets see hoo this b***** relay is." Sniper riped Spy's mask of an we saw his true feces.

[Noka: He must be shitfaced from all the alcohol.
Eris: This reminds me of that South Park episode where people shoved food up their arses.]

He was covered in teh most cancerous of plimples wif greesy burns an brand that said "SLOOT" an experimental hair. It was soo gross that Caroline

throwed up all on The Spy so he was more mad an meen. "WHATS GOIN ON WIF SPY TRYIN TO RAP MY DOTTER?" Princinipal GLaDOS

angryed into the room. "SPY U ARE EXPELLED!" sPY falled to the ground an cry teers of likwid fat from eatin too much candy.

[Noka: Dafuq did I just read?
Eris: I have no comments for this.
Noka: Question, why did you play that song really loud?
Eris: I thought its silly interpretation of love and its energy suited this.
Noka: Now what are you gonna put on?
Eris: Something the Divinyls did.]

MEENWHILE Cave Jonson hoo is Gabes more evil twin was walkin down the hall an see Wheatly. "Blimey you soddin look just lick Gabe buggerin

Jonson but more mad an meen." He said an wave. Cave Jonson snipped fingers an a robot came out and took Wheatly.

[Noka: Snipped fingers? That hurts!
*Eris plays "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls*
Noka: Oh my... you're really horny aren't you?
Eris: Ehhh.]

"Oh god save the queen what the bloody wank are you doin to me?" Cave smelled evily an said "I need you for a siense project." An he lolled very evil.

TO BE CONTINUED!

OH NO WHATS CAVE GOIN TO DO WHEETLY? FIND OUT!

AN SOME ON CALLED ANOON SAID I STOL THE STORY PLOT FROM A OTHER GUY THAT IS FALSE LYES AN SANDER! I DIDANT

NO BOUT THE STORY UNTIL NOW BUT U CAN SEE ITS RONG!1 SNIPER AINT BULLAY AN THE PRINPALS NAME IS GLADOS

NOT ANONCER OR WHAT EVER1 U ARE JUST A FLAMER TROLL

[Noka: My eyes! Ouch!
Eris: Oh now she's really screaming like Tara.]

PS I GOT TELLED THAT A BLOOG BOUT HAF WORLDS SAID THAT SCOT WAS MOLESTRAPIN KATTY IN HISBALLS1 SCOT IS

NOT AN AMINAL MOLESTRAPER ITS THE BAG HE CARRYS HES BAT AN BASBALLS IN!

[Noka: Be right back, splitting sides and having vodka.]

PPS THIS CHAPS FROM WHEETLYS POV

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHAPTER FIFE: ITS HIS LIFE!

[Eris: Stop yelling at us over the internet. We get it!]

I woked up in a place where he soddin bloody hell was I? There was to robots one a blue ball an the other a orange line thing an Cave Jonson lookin reel

mean. "Whats goin on you wankin Sod!" I britished at me with most lowd. Gave was loling all evil an said "These are Altas an P-Boy there from the

future!" I o-mouthed it was bloody mad.

"They telled me bout the future wif robots an portal guns an things so Im goin a make some robos an you Wheatly will be my test subjekt!" He took out a

wankin huge nettle an shoot me an I blacked oot. When I was sleep Cave gotted to work. First he removed my skelton eksept for my head so I was ball

shaped, then turned my skin to mettle (lick how the wizards can turn led to gold in movies) an taked an eye out so I only had one bloody big one but he

kept my man balls. I waked up an screemed becos I was transfarmed.

[Noka: STOP. You are not supposed to know this is happening to you. Change the POV if you're going to do that.
Eris: "Transfarmed"? "Man balls"? *Facepalm*]

"Goodbye Wheetly the dude an Hello Wheatly the Robo Ball!" Cave lolled with mad an mean. Then he ponted to a time mashine. "Now yur goin to the

future b****!" Atlas lolled an he an P-Boy started smokin drugs with Cabe Joneson. I got put in the time mashine an there was a big lite flash an I was

gon to the future.

[Noka: Don't tell me you're gonna go to the future of 1985 and see Marty McFly!
Eris: Ummm I think--
Noka: TF2 takes place in the 1950's.
Eris: Oh, okay.]

BAK TO SCOUTS POV

"Now class gife me yur homework." Mr. Sanpe grundled when I rembered that I had been out all nite on a date with Pyro an forgot to do it! "Weres yur

homework Scot or shuld I say HEMEFORDINT/" Mr. Sanpe was a hobophobe so he didant lick hemaofdites like he thot I was one. He punched me

feces an went back to desk an drank beer.

[Noka: Transphobia and homophobia are different. Learn your shit before using controversial topics in fiction.]

"Whats his problem?" I said rubbin my blak eye to Solder. "Mr. Sanpe used to be a teecher in British bu he killed the prinsipal but was not proved so he

came to teach at Portal High School an changed his name." He was a jerk an gave me lots of fs so I didant like him at alls. One day I wold get back at

him maybe play a big prank or somefin. Sundenly Caraline!

[Eris: I suddenly a word!]

"By way Im havin a party at my hose an yur all invited!" It was gonna be the big bowot for the seinor graduashun (Caroline was a junor but since her

mom is prinpal she throws partys for them). "Well be there Car!" She happeied an gave out some more invites.

MEENWHILE IN FLORDA! Affer Wulfs kill my bros became goth emos and satanists who did orjies an sakrifised pepole an did all the drugs an beer.

[Eris: Distasteful character retcon, am I right?
Noka: And all too familiar. I call this a trollfic.]

They was castin a dark spell to kill me for revange an jus needed a sakriface. The sakriface was a hard catch, a strongman named Sextone Hall the bros

started to orjy an drink the beer an blood. Then pumped a dagger in Sexton's heart an the blood was gone all splash splash splash! There drugs bongs

STARTED TO SMOKE an a guy was there.

[Noka: Saxton would've crunched every last bone in their body and make rugs out of their skins.]

He was super mussely an riped with a angry mustash. It was... DOG THE BOWNTY HUNNER!

[Eris: I'm pretty sure it's against the rules of fanfiction.net to use a real person as a character. They can be mentioned, but not used as a character.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

SEE WAS HAT IN THE RIPEOF TEEN FORTRESS 2? NO BECOS I DIDANT COPY IT YOU FALMERS!11!

[Noka: Now we're halfway through this awful fic. I'm glad.
Eris: WOOOT! Let's celebrate!
Noka: With a drink...
Eris: NO.
Noka: ...of the finest soda we've got!]

=D (Big Grin) — Description
[Eris: Hello to all the fans and potential enemies of the lovable drunk commie! Usually, he's here doing the opening, but he's hit the vodka harder than

usual. Why? He just found a TF2 fanfic, and he's become a huge fan of that game.

Noka: Let's hope this isn't painful, because my head is gonna hurt much later!
Eris: This fic is ten chapters long and completed.
Noka: Fabulous.
Eris: And it's called "Teen Fortress 2" and it's written by MarissaTheWriter.]

OK GUYS IM HAVIN TORBLE THINKIN UP WHAT THE STORY PLOT FOR TEEN FORTES 2 WILL BEEN BUT HEERS THE PROLOG

FOR NOW.

TEEN FORTRESS 2

[Noka: It already smells like sweat, hormones and Nirvana. SO MUCH ANGST!]

CHAPTER 1: MEET THE SCOT

[Noka: That's "black Scottish cyclops for you!]

Hi my nam is Scot an I live in Florda wif my mom an dad an my ate mad dog brothors. They are mad gos becos my dad is a dog an my mom is humon

so im half so I can ran reely fast.

[Eris: Oh no, she just made a spelling error with the class name.
Noka: GRAMMAR NAZI TO THE RESCUE!
Eris: Even if Scout was part animal, I imagined him to be more like a stag.]

My bros was always beetin me up an hurtin me an stuff. "Hey Scot yuo must do are homeork an yurs but well eat yurs so you get a bad grad LOL!" My

bros sayd an started to pump at me.

[Noka: Oh god no, they cummed into his face!]

"U GUYS ARE JUST DERKS!1!" I runned to my room an cocked the door an cried.

[Noka: Yeah, I sure wish the lock for my room was a fleshlight.
Eris: Are you horny?
Noka: Maybe.]

Thins wasnt good for me an I was serios derpessed an I even thot bout maybe becomin a goth emo.

[Eris: Stereotypes away!]

No thing was happy heer, an note ven my girlfrend cold fix it. My girlfrind wsa named Katty Smithereens (U NO HOO U ARE KATTY!) but my bros

killd her an defeced her corpse.

[Noka: Nope, haven't seen a one Katty Smith blown to bits or shat on.]

(They didant get in troble becos there dogs an dogs cant get arrested). CASH BOOM BANG said the door my bros was breakin it

[Eris: Can't anthros be arrested?
Noka: I'm not sure where the real world law would stand on that. They could arrest Scoots mum for beastiality.]

"Yur gonna die now b******!" Wulf said he was my oldest brother an the most meen. I gotted out my baseball bat that I niknamed Marrissa for some

reson I didnt rember.

[Noka: The writer wants to feel special, maybe.]

Holdin it tite I pulled op the door an hitted Wulf on the dum head an he died. "OMFG!" My bros OMFGed at the site of the kill. They ranned off an did

poops from scarred but this was not god. I WAS A murder now! I wold have to go on the run.

[Noka: You no mess with Scooter!
Eris: I guess any drinking games are out of the question.]

Wile my bros was still cryin at Wulfs kill I put my thighs into my handbag [...and became the laughingstock of the fashion industry, except Lady

Gaga.]

(becos its florda an everyone has a handbag there lol) an roundhose kicked the door down. "OMG HE IS ESKAPIN KILL THE MUDRE!1!1" This

was my coo so I runned more faster than ever befour but a trane came.

[Eris: Boston is not in Florida. Somebody flunked Geography class.
Noka: You mean he's going to Florida.
Eris: *Reads again* Nope, this person really did make a mistake.]

"GET HIIM!" Time was runnin out so I had to do fast an jumped over the trane an landed an ranned so more.

[Noka: It's hard to stop a trane. Those air filters are fucking powerful.]

It was lick three weeks I ran from them an then I saw a place that was... PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL! Sum kids was talkin an saw me an one came over

with a sexay austrial aksent. "Gdday you most be the new xchange student. You can call me Snipper becos I can shoot reel good lol."

[Noka: Call 'im Snipper because he can cut you... with steel scissors plated in 9k gold!
Eris: Damn, you're really mellow.]

I nodded kinna confused at whats goin on an Sniper taked me to the other guys.

"This is the new studant hes new." The guys was a fat guy, a doktor guy, a soot man, a solder, a guy wif a mask like batman, an blak guy with guns an

boms. "Were all best frends an have cool niknames they are Heevy, Ingineer, Demoan, Medik, Spy, Solder an im Sniper." A mussely guy with a hot gurl

waved by at us. "Those are are friends Gabe Jonson an his girlfriend Caroloin."

[Noka: Oh no, not a crossover!
Eris: It was only until now you figured it was one?
Noka: Urrr... *Reads* Glory be cursing me, I'm stupid!
Eris: Now you know not to read when tipsy.]

"Nise to meet you all I am Scot." But they mistaked me for saying Scout so that was my new nikname! Then a guy. [Eris: Then a guy what? I

accidentally a word!]

"Bloody hell hoos the soddin new wanker?" He britished at me he was tall with blond hare an gasses an like nerd.

[Noka: British is not a verb, it's a synonym for "I don't have yellow bunnies".
Eris: I think we should stop. You're starting to make no sense!]

"I am the Scot." I happied to him with my new nikname.

[Noka: Happy is synonymous for--
Eris: No more bullshit please!]

"Well my names... WHEATLY!'1'1"!"

[Noka: HOO WEE! Mah name's a grain and I'm only one-foot-one-inches tall!
Eris: That's... uh... clever... For a half drunk fella anyway.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

OMG WHEETLY HOWS IT HAPPENED? FIN OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF TEEN FORTOISE 2!

[Noka: I like tortoises.]

THANKS FOR REMINDIN ME ABOUT PIRO DONT WORRY PIRO HAS A BIG PART IN THE STORY AN IS LIKE THE SEKOND MOST

IMPORTANT DUDE.

TEEN FORRTESS

[Noka: Why you rape the shift key all the time?!]

CHAAPTER 2: SNIPER'S NEW PET

The next mornin I waked up, I lived with Sniper (hes my best friend) becos I coldnt go home since I wasa fujitive. Sniper yawned with loudly an "Gday

Scot!" He waved an we got red for school.

[Noka: Red paint? Red wrenches? Red meat sandvitches?]

First twe ate brekfas I had a omlet an muffins an cap'n crunsh (peanut butter flavor), bacon, a bread love, milk, sawsage, an some dog food for my half

dog part. I eat a lot of stuff becos I hace a super hi metabolism an never get fatter .

[Noka: My metabolism is speedy as well, but I don't eat that much!
Eris: That's why you have bony fingers, skelly!
Noka: Don't call me that!]

Affer brekfas we got dress an headed off to school. "BY SCOT AN SNIPER!" Sniper parents say and waved they was old an had brane damage so

they didant no I wasnt there sun.

[Noka: The "mental defectives" joke comes to my mind.]

We were walkin to school wen Sniper stoped fast an said "Scot look its a aminal!" I looked an I saw there was a thin like a rakoon but with no black or

tale an big eers. It was... a kola!

[Eris: And lookie over there, you have a soda and a pop.]

"OMG a kola its soo coot!" Sniepr happied becos kolas are his favorite aminal. He piced up the kola an huged it.

[Eris: And then the "coot kola" can exploded, smothering "Scooter" with hot, sticky sugar water.
Noka: Oh my god, if there is one anyway, I swear this author used an English to Erhmagerd translator.]

"Wate, kolas dont life here." I thot it was a mistery on how the kola was there. "She most be an eskaped zoo aminal it will be are new pet!" I never had a

pet befour becos my mad dogs bros wold eat all them so I was real happy.

[Noka: I just had a sudden realization why the author made Scoot half dog.
Eris: She's a closet wolfaboo? Ha, kidding!
Noka: No, because "mad dog" is used to describe Scooter's bros. Man, I'm stupid.
Eris: Nah, just wasted.]

"Lets name her Katty Smithereens in onor of my dead girlfriend." I suggestioned an Sniper nodded with head "Yeah!". School was common up quick so I

put Katty Smithereens in my ballsack but Sniper was angary.

[Noka: That's gonna be an interesting story for when Scooter goes for his prostate exam sometime in the future!]

"I fond her I shold hold her!" He angryied at me but I told him the hard trooth.

"nIper yur bakack is full of gun an homeork Katty wont fit in there my ballsack only has balls an Marrissa so theres more room." Sniper said "OK yur

right Scot." And we classed at school.

[Noka: Classed is a synonym for "I really need to get back to school and learn some fucking grammar!"
Eris: Don't forget punctuation and spelling!]

Are first class was histry an the teecher Mr. Pursell was tellin us bout how hot dugs was made. Gabe Jonson was passin notes wif Carlion an she blushed

at the note words so Mr. Pursell exscreamed 'WHAT IS THE MEENING OF THIS?" He tkaed the note an red it an bushed.

[Noka: I read this and drunked.]

"OMG!" He went an Gabe the note back so we all were lolling at dum Mr. Pursell. The bell ranged an we headed to sekond period that wus math class

wif Mr. Sanpe (lol). I sat next to Heavy an Piro.

[Eris: Oh no, not another crossover with Harry Potter!]

"Hey Piro Im Scot." I said so Piro made sound noses that I coldnt here. "Why cant Piro talk?" I aksed to Heavy who got a sad look.

"Piro has sick lick the qurans from Mass Affect so he cannt leaf his soot or he dies eksept to do the do." He russianed back to me an I felt reel sorry for

Piro.

[Eris: Those sentences would make both my English and Geography teachers cry.]

A crunchmunch noses started common from my ballsack an I looked in an a saw... Katty was eatin the balls!

[Noka: Haha ouch! That's really gonna make an interesting story to tell your doctor!]

I had to stop her but pets wasnt allowed to school so I coldnt take her out. I thot fast an raysed my hand.

"Yes Scot Mr. Sanpe Said at my raysed hand." The hole room stared at me an I was nervos but I had to get Katty out of my balls.

"I uh need to bathroom im havin a period!" The class was all lolling at me an Mr. Sanpe was freeked out an thot I was a hemafordins or somethining lick

that.

[Noka: Ohoho, you're really gonna surprise your doctor.
Eris: If he can have a period, then I can have my ovaries drop into my labia.
Noka: Now you're the horny one!]

"OK but see the nurse to becos boys dont have perods so you might be a hesmanofdite."

[Noka: Did Tara Gilesbie help you write this, Marissa?]

I gotted my stuff an went to the lockor room at the Jim to put Katty in my locker. When I waked in tho I saw a ton of naked gurls oh no I was in teh rong

room! The gurls all started screeming lowd at me an got reddy to beat me up so I ran but first I saw onna the gurls was puttin on a soot it was... PIRO?

[Noka: Why are there no lockers in the halls? Doesn't the gym have separate locker rooms for boys and girls, or did Scoot take the wrong one?]

TO BE CONTINUED!

PIRO IS A GILR! OMG THIS STORYS JUS FULL OF TWISTS AN TURNS WHAT ILL SCOT DO NOW?

[Noka: He gets a boner that kills the kola in his ballsack.]

AN THANKS LOGIC FOR TELLIN BOUT THE SPELLIN MISTAK OF PYRO (SEE IF YUR CONSERTIVE I LISTAN INSTEAD OF THE

DUM FALMERS!)

[Eris: Oh, this totally screams "I'm friends with Tara".]

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHAPPTER THREEN: SEEKRITS OF THE PYRO REVEALED!

I o-mouthed in shock at Pyros girl. How cold no none have noed? I ran fast lick in Meet the Scot so the gurls missed with punces but they chased me but

were still naked. I saw Wheatly in the halls an he saw alls the naked gurls and freeked out.

[Eris: The girls in my highschool would whip you real good if you were a dong-bearer wandering in there.
Noka: The girls at mine prefer verbal assaults.]

"Bloody hell sod Scot those naked buggers are gonna wankin kill you oh god save the queen!" Wheatly britished lowd an ran away becos he didant like

the gurls his hart only belonged to Marrissa but he didant met her yet becos it was not then.

[Noka: I'm usually fine with self inserts if they're done right, but this writer sounds "forever alone".]

I had to loose them some how or things wold go down reel bad. I reeched into my ballsack an got out Marrissa the Bat an some balls an batted them at

the gurls an they got hitted an falled over. Some footboll dudes saw the naked gurls on ground an STARTED TO RAP THEM!

[Eris: I'm glad the boys at my highschool weren't like that. I would've reported their sorry faces to the police!]

This was bad so I batted more balls to at thim an then all Teen Fortress 2 but Pyro got there to help. "OH NO YOU DONT!1" Heavy russianed at the

jerk rappers an shooted them big bullets. "Sasa (Heavys gun) was raped once by a football dude so its personal."

[Noka: You don't rape guns, it's more like the other way around in any country.]

He sayd an braked the football necks. With the bad overed I had to find Pyro an get the down lo.

[Eris: Fun fact! A "down low" is a straight man who sleeps with both men and women, but keeps his sex life with men a secret. It's considered a form

of closeted bisexuality.]

"By the way weres Katty?" Asked Snapper. "O NO I FORGOT!" An Katty was loosed. Sniper went to asfety her but I had to location Pryo. Becos Im

half dog I can smell god an soon I piced up a Pyros trale. I went to trale an saw Pryo hidin in the siense lab.

"Pyro I no yur a girl!" Pyro o-mouthed in shock. "No Im not!" She say back but I new better. "Yes you are!" "OK then proof it." She ponted. I thot bout

what I say in the loker room an said. "You have long blond hare, green eyes, huge bobs, an very pretty ." Pryos eye lited up.

[Noka: I thought of Pyro as being slightly chubby.]

"You really thin Im pretty?" She ask an I nodded with head. Then... she taked face off "My reel name is Tanya Lockwood." THEN WE STARTED TO

MAK EOUT!

[Noka: Typical fictional teen romance. Don't worry, they'll break up in a week.
Eris: I noticed you sound more sober now.
Noka: Yes, this time I'm trying to sound intelligent.]

Meenwhile!... Sniper was serching for Katty all thru the school. Katty was no were that he looked but then felt a somethin chewin his back. Sniper turned

roun an it was... KATTY! "Katty I thot you was lost forevar!" Sniper hugged Katty the Kola but Katty looked reel sad. "Katty whats rong?" An sinse

Snper is Austrian he speaks kola so Katty told him. "He did WHAT?11111/?/"

[Eris: Austrian and Australian are not the same. This person really must've flunked school.
Noka: I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore.
Eris: Same here.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

WHAT HAPPONED TO KATTY? FIND OOUT NEXT TIME!

AN THANKS REIVEW GUYS BUT CAN BOUNCY SAID SHE DIDANT LIKE MY STORY AS GOOD AS ITS MY LIFE! AN AI THOT

MAYBE THATS WHY IT DOESNT HAVE ABS MANY REVIEWS? I THANK ITS BECOS ITS MY LIFE IS A ACSHUN ADVENTURE WIF

LOTS OF COOL STORY AN HOT ROMANSE BUT TEEN FORTRESS 2 IS MORE DOWN TO ERTH AN REAL PROBLEMS OF HIGH

SCHOOL.

[Noka: Either you're a troll following in Tara's footsteps or you're really this terrible at portraying real highschool drama. It's not that down to earth at

all. It feels rushed, forced, and the way you exaggerate things that don't matter more than the elements that do matter bugs me.]

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHPATER 4: KATTY TELLS ALL

Pryo putted her face back on an said "I have to class now see you latter Scot my new boyfrend."

[Eris: I don't think skinless faces are hot. They're scary!]

I smied at her an felt all in love becos she was soo pretty an hot. [Noka: Typical hormones!]

"See you latter Tanya." An she bushed at the say of her reel name. I got out of the crass room to go to my next class jim wen I saw Sniper runnin to wars

me with Katty THE KOALA (THANKS LOGIK YUR THE BEST)!

[Noka: Ohoho, you're gonna need a hell of a lot more spellin corrections than that!]

"Sniepr you fond Katty!" I happied an waved. For a second I thot Katty was loosed forever. B ut Sniper had a sad on his feces.

[Noka: That means you have depressed intestines, Mr. Mundy!
Eris: Wha?
Noka: That's his canon surname, I think.]

"Katty telled me that she saw somethin super bad Scout." I o-mouthed that Sniper new how to talk koala. "What is news?" Sniper looked sad.

"Katty saw Spy tryin a cheet with Carline on Gabe Jonson!" This was super bad lick the Sniper said. Carolin was Gabes girl so so we had to stop Spy

from makin an adultary.

[Noka: Spy's sappin' some hormones!]

"Common we gotta stop them!" We ran lick I did in Meet the Scot an jumped over other pepole but then somethin stoped us dead in are tracks it was...

PRINSIPAL GLADOS! (AN Shes Carolins mom an its were Gabe Jonson gets the idea to name the robot body for Caroline GLaDOS from)

[*Eris puts on "I Like It" by the Rezillos and cranks it up*]

"What are you to doin outside of class?" She meaned at us in robot voice becos she smoked a lot an had to get a robot voice like that guy on the no

smokin comershals. We didant have time to deel with GLaDOS so I had to think fast an realiced that there was only one way. I taked out Marrissa an a

ball an batted it an it hit Principal GladOS but gave her amneesha so she didnt rember me hittin her.

[Noka: Machines don't get amnesia, they get viruses and malfunctions.]

"Nice moves Scoot!" Sniper hi fifed me an we ran more to find Spy and Carline.

[Noka: YAY! He called him by his unofficial nickname!]

We looked in crass rooms, lunch even jim but they was no were. "OF CORSE!" I realiced "THEY MUST BE AT TEH DARMA ROOM!" We got there

an saw Caroline gettin coronered by Spy with a scarred look on her feces.

[Eris: These people have some very... emotive colons to produce poop with... quirks like that.]

"Pleese Caroline forgot about Gabe Im a reel man!" Spy frenched sexay to her. "No Spy I cant I love Gabe Jonson." But Spy had his nife an if she didant

cheat he wold stabe her! I thru some balls at Scot an they hit him but he keep goin an was about to sex Caraline up!

[Noka: A real man stabs a woman who doesn't go with him? Smooth moves, spy!
Eris: Sarcasm?
Noka: Of course!]

Sniper put Katty on a seet so she wold be safe then pulled down his mants an... HE PEED ON SPY! "Eww gross1" Spy was really mad. Wile he was

distrakted I ran to behind him an grabed Spy so he coldnt sex Caroline. "My hero!" She said an kissed me cheek.

"Now lets see hoo this b***** relay is." Sniper riped Spy's mask of an we saw his true feces.

[Noka: He must be shitfaced from all the alcohol.
Eris: This reminds me of that South Park episode where people shoved food up their arses.]

He was covered in teh most cancerous of plimples wif greesy burns an brand that said "SLOOT" an experimental hair. It was soo gross that Caroline

throwed up all on The Spy so he was more mad an meen. "WHATS GOIN ON WIF SPY TRYIN TO RAP MY DOTTER?" Princinipal GLaDOS

angryed into the room. "SPY U ARE EXPELLED!" sPY falled to the ground an cry teers of likwid fat from eatin too much candy.

[Noka: Dafuq did I just read?
Eris: I have no comments for this.
Noka: Question, why did you play that song really loud?
Eris: I thought its silly interpretation of love and its energy suited this.
Noka: Now what are you gonna put on?
Eris: Something the Divinyls did.]

MEENWHILE Cave Jonson hoo is Gabes more evil twin was walkin down the hall an see Wheatly. "Blimey you soddin look just lick Gabe buggerin

Jonson but more mad an meen." He said an wave. Cave Jonson snipped fingers an a robot came out and took Wheatly.

[Noka: Snipped fingers? That hurts!
*Eris plays "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls*
Noka: Oh my... you're really horny aren't you?
Eris: Ehhh.]

"Oh god save the queen what the bloody wank are you doin to me?" Cave smelled evily an said "I need you for a siense project." An he lolled very evil.

TO BE CONTINUED!

OH NO WHATS CAVE GOIN TO DO WHEETLY? FIND OUT!

AN SOME ON CALLED ANOON SAID I STOL THE STORY PLOT FROM A OTHER GUY THAT IS FALSE LYES AN SANDER! I DIDANT

NO BOUT THE STORY UNTIL NOW BUT U CAN SEE ITS RONG!1 SNIPER AINT BULLAY AN THE PRINPALS NAME IS GLADOS

NOT ANONCER OR WHAT EVER1 U ARE JUST A FLAMER TROLL

[Noka: My eyes! Ouch!
Eris: Oh now she's really screaming like Tara.]

PS I GOT TELLED THAT A BLOOG BOUT HAF WORLDS SAID THAT SCOT WAS MOLESTRAPIN KATTY IN HISBALLS1 SCOT IS

NOT AN AMINAL MOLESTRAPER ITS THE BAG HE CARRYS HES BAT AN BASBALLS IN!

[Noka: Be right back, splitting sides and having vodka.]

PPS THIS CHAPS FROM WHEETLYS POV

TEEN FORTRESS 2

CHAPTER FIFE: ITS HIS LIFE!

[Eris: Stop yelling at us over the internet. We get it!]

I woked up in a place where he soddin bloody hell was I? There was to robots one a blue ball an the other a orange line thing an Cave Jonson lookin reel

mean. "Whats goin on you wankin Sod!" I britished at me with most lowd. Gave was loling all evil an said "These are Altas an P-Boy there from the

future!" I o-mouthed it was bloody mad.

"They telled me bout the future wif robots an portal guns an things so Im goin a make some robos an you Wheatly will be my test subjekt!" He took out a

wankin huge nettle an shoot me an I blacked oot. When I was sleep Cave gotted to work. First he removed my skelton eksept for my head so I was ball

shaped, then turned my skin to mettle (lick how the wizards can turn led to gold in movies) an taked an eye out so I only had one bloody big one but he

kept my man balls. I waked up an screemed becos I was transfarmed.

[Noka: STOP. You are not supposed to know this is happening to you. Change the POV if you're going to do that.
Eris: "Transfarmed"? "Man balls"? *Facepalm*]

"Goodbye Wheetly the dude an Hello Wheatly the Robo Ball!" Cave lolled with mad an mean. Then he ponted to a time mashine. "Now yur goin to the

future b****!" Atlas lolled an he an P-Boy started smokin drugs with Cabe Joneson. I got put in the time mashine an there was a big lite flash an I was

gon to the future.

[Noka: Don't tell me you're gonna go to the future of 1985 and see Marty McFly!
Eris: Ummm I think--
Noka: TF2 takes place in the 1950's.
Eris: Oh, okay.]

BAK TO SCOUTS POV

"Now class gife me yur homework." Mr. Sanpe grundled when I rembered that I had been out all nite on a date with Pyro an forgot to do it! "Weres yur

homework Scot or shuld I say HEMEFORDINT/" Mr. Sanpe was a hobophobe so he didant lick hemaofdites like he thot I was one. He punched me

feces an went back to desk an drank beer.

[Noka: Transphobia and homophobia are different. Learn your shit before using controversial topics in fiction.]

"Whats his problem?" I said rubbin my blak eye to Solder. "Mr. Sanpe used to be a teecher in British bu he killed the prinsipal but was not proved so he

came to teach at Portal High School an changed his name." He was a jerk an gave me lots of fs so I didant like him at alls. One day I wold get back at

him maybe play a big prank or somefin. Sundenly Caraline!

[Eris: I suddenly a word!]

"By way Im havin a party at my hose an yur all invited!" It was gonna be the big bowot for the seinor graduashun (Caroline was a junor but since her

mom is prinpal she throws partys for them). "Well be there Car!" She happeied an gave out some more invites.

MEENWHILE IN FLORDA! Affer Wulfs kill my bros became goth emos and satanists who did orjies an sakrifised pepole an did all the drugs an beer.

[Eris: Distasteful character retcon, am I right?
Noka: And all too familiar. I call this a trollfic.]

They was castin a dark spell to kill me for revange an jus needed a sakriface. The sakriface was a hard catch, a strongman named Sextone Hall the bros

started to orjy an drink the beer an blood. Then pumped a dagger in Sexton's heart an the blood was gone all splash splash splash! There drugs bongs

STARTED TO SMOKE an a guy was there.

[Noka: Saxton would've crunched every last bone in their body and make rugs out of their skins.]

He was super mussely an riped with a angry mustash. It was... DOG THE BOWNTY HUNNER!

[Eris: I'm pretty sure it's against the rules of fanfiction.net to use a real person as a character. They can be mentioned, but not used as a character.]

TO BE CONTINUED!

SEE WAS HAT IN THE RIPEOF TEEN FORTRESS 2? NO BECOS I DIDANT COPY IT YOU FALMERS!11!

[Noka: Now we're halfway through this awful fic. I'm glad.
Eris: WOOOT! Let's celebrate!
Noka: With a drink...
Eris: NO.
Noka: ...of the finest soda we've got!]