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it is five am and i am not sure any more
if i am existing inside of my body
the rocks dig into my side
and the road is clogged with exhaust and smoke
mingling
encroaching on the breathable air
but this is okay because the sun is rising
the world is fading into consciousness
and i am fading out of it

three years ago i wrote open letters to darkness like, the first time we met i thought you were a function of the body and that i was a treacherous thing in the spaces before and after sleep and i saw five am every day to remind myself that other human beings exist and this is not a function of the body this is not a natural response and the world keeps revolving even though my metaphorical body made of blind faith and water vapor and the times i have made her laugh is collapsing in on itself and pretty soon my metaphorical arms won’t work anymore but fall is happening and people go to work and have babies sometimes and the homeless woman who talks to herself under the umbrella may or may not be crazy may or may have lost her house due to her crook son screwing her over and there is still time to figure this out and write a story about it or not and write her a new story every time i walk past

one time i watched this snail cross the path in front of me and i was so focused on this snail that my feet fell asleep and i didn’t notice and it felt like i was falling asleep and didn’t notice and when i woke up i knew what to say to my father so that he would forgive me

when i was little i loved this dress with sunflowers and pockets and a kid made me cry about it, twisted his face up like gargoyles, and later i crushed on him hard and maybe this says a lot about me but more likely it doesn’t mean anything at all

my friend smokes like she is allergic to plain air but she smells like a fucking spring meadow, i know, i’ve forgotten my nose in her hair a few times and this is only one of the things i do not understand including but not limited to
microwaves
how graffiti artists reach freeway signs
how my mother fell in love with my father
death
caterpillar legs

i am magnificent in this sunrise
and if i exist in this body
then it is the most resilient thing i know