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orangetot β€” Despite Broken Lines, I Try
Published: 2004-05-23 21:32:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 214; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 27
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Description The truth is, quite
Honestly, that
I can’t
Seem to find the style,

The rhythm or rhyme,
Everything I touch
So odd and out of time
Yet I desperately clutch

And I worry that

I will leave you feeling
Short of reference of

Lines that I have spoken
My weapon has chosen to leave
Me with language of the broken
Sadly beginning to believe

I have never learnt the

Important
Things about us,

That all there is to know,
Is knowing that we are always blind.
Learning is so pleasantly slow
With you, I promise I will find

Words to tell you this

Just lend me your temper
Until I can…
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Comments: 9

NikiP [2005-05-05 17:37:05 +0000 UTC]

I'm not sure how to phrase this but ill try (not a critique rather an informed comment). I respect the entirity of the design its complex. But for me the peice is rather too linguistic feature rich. I find it convolutes the message being conveyed. Its hard to be constructive on such a rich peice other than that.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

NiteWolfAngel [2004-06-29 12:21:25 +0000 UTC]

wow. very deep and complex. i really like how you designed this. well done. hope to see more from you in the future.

also, i really like your critique style...i have seen it one more then a few peoples works and i just wanted to say constructed critiscism and it depthness is what makes an artist grow. thanks for helping all those people

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to NiteWolfAngel [2004-06-30 14:19:18 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou very much, on both counts
I've just finished college, so i'll be much more able to comment now

I wasnt too sure about this piece because i've started to favour prose over poetry. its encouraging to get positive feedback on it, thankyou

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

NiteWolfAngel In reply to orangetot [2004-06-30 14:35:52 +0000 UTC]

yw. another college student? lol. i know what thats like. enjoying summer to be able to go out and take more pics and figure out DA a little more

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

x3n [2004-06-15 00:46:43 +0000 UTC]

very interesting mixture of styles, i think it works really well...i like the rhythm and forms to it also. it might need a re-read tomorrow as im very tired. nice work

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DisturbedEntity [2004-06-14 22:20:25 +0000 UTC]

This is really nice.

It flows realy nicely and has a good rhythm too it. And I like the format of it (Format probably isn't the right word, but whatever). It really portrays how your feeling. I likeys

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to DisturbedEntity [2004-06-15 19:27:09 +0000 UTC]

i was worried that the matching stanzas made the piece as a whole less cohesive... glad to see you think is got flow.
Thankyou

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

undulate [2004-05-23 23:31:07 +0000 UTC]

i think i need more time to study this. there's so much to take in...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to undulate [2004-05-24 07:47:50 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad you think so.
Thanks

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0