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orangetot — West
Published: 2003-12-01 18:44:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 77; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 7
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Description And there was something else,
A beautifully tragic else,
That the wolf whispered to me
In the shade of the pines,
Where I blew apart in the wind
To lay amongst the violets
That had fallen from my hands.
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Comments: 6

searchingforsomethin [2003-12-01 20:08:13 +0000 UTC]

i like the use of the "wolf" and "in the shade of the pines" This poem creates a perfect picture in my mind!
"And there was something else,
A beautifully tragic else"
wonderful lines!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to searchingforsomethin [2003-12-01 20:46:47 +0000 UTC]

Thanks
I'm shocked that people have anything good to say about this. I know what i'm trying to say, but i thought it might just sound like a bunch of words meshed together to all you guys. Thats a relief
I have a love of wolf imagery. well, fairytale images in general to be honest...they can be seen in so many ways...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

citizenerazed [2003-12-01 19:24:45 +0000 UTC]

I think the first two lines show a lot of promise - they're a very nice way to start any poem. Unfortunately I'm not sure where I'd go from there - infact, I like the way you've gone, to be honest .

If i think of anything I'll tell you, but I quite like it the way it is. Maybe that's just me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to citizenerazed [2003-12-01 19:47:06 +0000 UTC]

You like it? thats an unexpected comment. a nice one though.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

diddioz [2003-12-01 19:13:46 +0000 UTC]

"beautifully tragic else" for some reason doesn't flow too well... i think maybe if u kept the "something" again in the 2nd line... besides that, i see how it isnt as graceful as your others ones, but i kind like how how it is different from the usual...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to diddioz [2003-12-01 19:45:39 +0000 UTC]

I can't quite express what i mean with those lines, they are the best i could do tonight. I'm suprised you like it. should i take this is mean my style has gone stale?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0