MoonlightWillow6 [2011-11-09 23:13:09 +0000 UTC]

This was incredible. It felt very light and eerie. My favorite verse would have to be the last one. That last line was very vivid in my mind, and was probably the best description in the poem (aside form the pulsing dragonfly bit)

Excellent job!

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schofieldalan [2011-07-11 22:57:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for fayving a few of my poems, means a lot coming from the talented ones. (You). I wanna commend you on the title of this one first of all. Sucked me right in, didn't even look at the other titles on your site, this is the one I want to read, is what I thought. And I was not disappointed. It's bitter, it's articulate, full of thorns, and greatness. Well done!

If you were thinking about revising, you really hit home- as your comments here would testify- with the "pretty" language describing something altogether terrible and painful. This could definitely be expanded upon.

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londonrey [2011-06-08 17:15:53 +0000 UTC]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh this is so good!! I love love love you and this and just YES. This is why I want to be like you darling. (:
"my diaphragm
just a pulsing dragonfly"
- Love how you put the word "just" in there, it works perfectly.

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flawedfairytale [2011-06-04 22:44:41 +0000 UTC]

Aah the mixing of styles really works..the final stanzas seem to have a pace all of their own and it's like they're rushing to be heard amidst the other words..beautifulbeautiful.

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FictitiousFolkLore [2011-05-22 21:48:41 +0000 UTC]

It does seem like there are two (or three or four) poems trying to live here. But it's all good stuff. Love the imagery and the absurdness of some it. In a good way. XD

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Craig-Ryu [2011-05-22 11:44:28 +0000 UTC]

Wow, pretty badass... I often enjoy thr ABCB pattern to poetry but there's something about the second block that just works. The first when I read out loud didn't seem to flow quite like the rest.

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depletura [2011-05-21 20:00:49 +0000 UTC]

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iconic-johnny [2011-05-21 05:01:30 +0000 UTC]

My pain is so pretty,
iconic, innovative;
my diaphragm
just a pulsing dragonfly

I think I can come from a similar angle.

Also, beautiful work, as usual.

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Wyvern-1 [2011-05-21 02:26:41 +0000 UTC]

Aw, man, I don't know where to begin with this one...

Let me start with the easy bit: I love this! The feeling and meaning emanates from every corner of this piece. Right down to the last words. In fact, the last line is the one I love the most. Last - but far from least - the word choice you used is simply clever and...well, poetic. All in all, fantastic!

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TheLastQuincy [2011-05-21 01:38:41 +0000 UTC]

I really love this. I love the way you desribed how your lungs were ripped out and the description of what was used was interesting to my eyes.
I especially love the way the diaphram was put. I had never thought that somethings that were completely different could be so alike.

GOD THIS IS AWESOME.

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SilkenSolace [2011-05-21 01:16:09 +0000 UTC]

This is is very interesting.
(I never know how to feel, when someone uses "interesting", but that's the word that fits....)
I like the change in tone,
And what I can decipher as the setting.
But still - There is a lot about it that I personally can't understand, only knowing there is something deeper the the surface.
I think that's how I mean to say it.......

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