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pangjunmin — I am not dead
Published: 2010-05-19 06:36:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 579; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 6
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Description
I am the knight's code of honorThe only way a knight should act
Some say that I am a goner
But I'm here to say I'm intact
From me, you know what to expect
To not hide, but to fight head on
To treat all women with respect
I'm there for you to call upon
You need not wear shining armor
You just protect what you hold dear
You don't need to be a charmer
You only need to be sincere
Just a normal guy in plain sight
In the normal guy I survive
I'm the code of the urban knight
I'm here to say that I'm Alive
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Comments: 21
Long live the chivalrous! So nice to know people like you still care.
Also I really like this, especially the "you need not wear shining armor" paragraph and the term "urban knight" is really clever!
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glad to know some people still know what it is
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It seems like you're not having too much trouble with free verse! This is good. I would agree with a comment I saw about making sure the syllables are on point--that gives you the rhythm you need to carry out a rhyming poem. It's important that your reader gets on a beat and stays with it. Makes it a smoother experience.
In the future, with free verse, trying non-rhyming poems. Line breaks them become the emphasis that rhyming is--it brings attention to important words and lets you put your own style into it. So you substitute one technique for another.
Good work--and keep writing!
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not by a long shot >
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Love it. Love the rhyme and rhythm and the content...well, the content matter is a personal favourite of mine. Just love all around for this! ^^
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thank you ^-^
i'm constantly surrounded by assholes so... =/
since when does being a jerk get the girl?
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Bah. Since always. But jerks attract the kind of girls who like jerks.
And tbh, those aren't the kind of girls you want!
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hmmmm =/ yea i guess... but, argh!! >~<
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Ah, I understand how frustrating it can be liking people who you really shouldn't. *pats*
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tell me about it =/
i should write about that sometime, since it's a universal occurrence for everyone
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it was short and sweet. i loved reading it :]
the only thing I would suggest is maybe rewording the line "You do not need shining armor" because it seems like you need one more syllable, and to reword the line "All you need to be is sincere" because I think it has one too many syllables XD sorry i'm so picky
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yea, i switched those lines a bit near the end =/ just fixed the sincere line,
the armor line however is very annoying to fix >~< always getting 7syllables or 9syllables, never 8
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haha I always have difficulty with things like that
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sudden inspiration hit me
"you need not" instead of you don't need or you do not need
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Not bad. You've got some good tuns of phrases and a solid theme. Good choice of subject matter too ^^ You should consider playing with the meter a little, while you're at it. That'd really help this poem come a live.
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thank you for the feedback
yea, i was thnking about the middle 2 meters :/ i added in the third stanza after i typed "Urban Knight" i was like "ZOMGoodness! that's awesome! i wanna elaborate!!!"
i'll polish it up soon enough ^^
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