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peterdawes — Staring Down a Dichotomy
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-07-11 01:04:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 234; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 1
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Description
gaze upon the mirror of inner selfstaring down the devil.
(he looks a lot like me)
funny how his eyes resemble
the ones i know i possess.
strange how his smile
(a little crooked; perhaps a little deviant)
resembles mine.
perhaps the glint inside the irises
shall give away the ruse at last.
perhaps the unsuspecting
might see beyond the smile.
perhaps one evening
(i have seen the enemy)
when the innocents do not follow
(and he is me)
when the sheep set to the slaughter
run the other way;
perhaps the inner voices shall cease
their clamoring cacophony
once and for all.
do you not see him?
(do you not see his designs?)
do you fail to recognize?
(he smiles the crooked smile.)
do you only see
the other side to the mirror?
is he the apparition
that only i can spot
from the corner
of my periphery
when the light catches the eye
in just the right manner?
the demons lurk inside
the sinner walks with
the same stride as the saint
and in the convergence of dualism
there exists the one
scratching at the walls
trying to escape himself.
perhaps this makes him insane.
(do you hear the voices calling out?)
perhaps this makes him jaded.
(hear them ringing in your head?)
or perhaps the devil simply wears a grin
that looks a bit too much
like yours as well.
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Comments: 16
This is why I keep a notebook, it will not crash and die like a PC may do. Also allows for jotting down of ideas on the move.
I quite like this one. Reminds me a bit of how I write and yet it is completely different to what I produce. I read it and it's like I am reading someones decent into madness, yet it is not madness at the same time. A person in conversation with their mind perhaps and the twists and turns and chaos that can bring.
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Yes, usually I employ my notebook as well. In this instance, I was a bit daft.
Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it and were able to envision that sort of dialogue into madness. You are right, it is not entirely madness, but the exercise of questioning self can be quite maddening at times.
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Ha ha yeah. Sometimes it is best not to think.
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Crazy crappy computers.
staring down the devil (he looks alot like me)
The best part!
k
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They confound me endlessly.
Thank you.
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Loved this one...but i think it would've been better in a form...something to give it more pace and rhythm. Do that, and ill tattoo this on my back
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*chuckles* Might be a bit of a long piece for a tattoo.
In all seriousness - asking purely to understand and not to contradict - but what do you mean by form? Something with more structure and cohesion? I did allow the open to reign a bit within the context of this work in particular, but I am not averse to tightening it up.
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Partially yes, something with more structure and cohesion. With a little more prosody to it, namely metre (the fixed length of an individual line), rhythm and intonation(rhyming and matching of the intonation and syllables of lines according to your pattern). You could read up on the different poetic forms on poetry web sites and books. I would recommend a Villanelle form due to its incredible pace. A Sestina would do well here as well due to your long stanzas and unrhymed form, but personally i find it lacking in terms of rhythm and rhyme.
Also, you could improve your stanzas by standardising the lines in one stanza, for example A Quatrain with four lines, and the rhyming sequence to be followed, abab, or abb etc *with a's being rhyming lines and b's as different rhyming lines.
I think the only mistake you might have made in this piece, was breaking a line into two lines or more. I've seen several poets whose poems are unformed, use this effect and it only ends up creating a block or a jam when your reading the poem in your head, and its horrible! nothing beautiful about it
I hope you don't feel, after reading my post, that your poem leaves a lot to be desired. I post this long only after i fall in love with a piece and see potential in it.
And on second thought, i think I'll tattoo my cat with this poem 
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Perhaps you'll rename it Dichotomy or Peter as well?
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The feedback is much appreciated. Thank you kindly.
I have no problems with form and structure, as it were, but rhyming is not my strong suit. This is why I do not do it often. However, I know there are ways to bring structure to even non-rhyming pieces and understand where you're coming from.
Perhaps I might muse upon this one a bit more later and see how I might tighten it.
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This. Is. Awesome. 
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Yes, I'm certain in more ways than one.
Thank you very kindly, m'lady.
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As always, my pleasure dear Peter.
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Peter, I share your annoyance of unexpected reboots. However... in my case the reboot happened in themiddle of a sentence right infront of my bloody face!
I was livid.
Nonethematter, this was excelently written. a delightful read. I loved the imagery and emotion.
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That would have only enraged me further.
I woke from a quick rest to find my computer had rebooted while I slept. It left me more than a bit miffed as I'd not saved my work. That will teach me to deviate from pen and paper.
Thank you, dear. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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