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pewternatural — Of Yokai and Hopeless Romantics
Published: 2018-10-08 04:00:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 237; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 1
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Description
Toyama Benihime has been having a rough start to her first year in high school. She is a yuki-onna and after finding that her ex-boyfriend was cheating on her, she tried to kill him. To make matters worse, the boy she fell for after her ex, rejected her. Now her parents are asking her if she might not be happier living in the Yokai World. She is so desperate she agrees to let her mischievous friend, Tsubasa Mari play matchmaker. Will Benihime find love or will her life be thrown into chaos by Mari?
A spin-off of my Interview with the Yokai story. You can read the story here:
www.fictionpress.com/s/3330230…
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Comments: 24
So it starts.
Luckily my boss put us on stand-by so I had time to read a little this morning. I'm happy that you decided to continue the Yokai series, given I liked the first one so much. Getting into the reading, at first I forgot that I had read a version of the first chapter before. But there was enough changed (and it worked as a good reminder) that I didn't feel like I was re-reading everything. I still think it's funny that Mari is still manipulating her way to the top, and that the first two chapters are sort of remembering that the first story had an election subplot, lol. I really liked the results of that election too. After all is said and done, what all elections end up being is a popularity contest. The best person hardly ever wins, though I'm not sure Mari would have been a good leader either. So I like the realism in the results.
Also, nice little call-back to LLL being a TV show in Yokai-land. I guess the girls are caught up with the latest story, lol.
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The first two chapters really are a recap of the first story, but I'm glad that they didn't bore you. I did want to show that the election was a big deal to Benihime since with Shoji, we don't get the feeling that it's that big of a deal. I wanted to get all of the build-up of the story out of the way. Mari would be an interesting leader because out of all the yokai girls, she is the least human. Mari would probably get bored with being president when she saw how limited her power really is.
They're up to date on LLL and Mari is impatiently waiting for more, lol.
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"There's Cake?!?"
I don't know why, but Shoji sort of out of it at the party until cake is mentioned is hiliarous. It's like he's putting up with hanging out with a bunch of girls just for the cake. Is there anything you wouldn't do for cake? Shoji says "no". Also, Mari wastes no time in finding a date for Benehime. It took her like a day? She's talented.
Soooo the cooking cover makes more sense now. You worked a competition in this somehow, someway, lol. It'll be interesting to read how you'll do that. Cooking challenges might be hard to write. I don't know. I've wrote about cooking before, but never went elaborate. So this will be fun to see.
Also, Mari turning down a guy without even looking at him... ouch! Well that's what he gets for aiming high and going after a difficult girl. Sounds to me, so far, that Mari is the type of girl you like writing for. I'm surprised you went with a Benehime sequel given you seem to like Mari so much. Makes me wonder what she's got under her sleeve if Inna is suspicious... hmmmmm
(I'd comment more, but I'm running late and my DAD KEEPS ASKING ME COMPUTER QUESTIONS!)
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Originally this was going to be a Mari story, but Mari has her fingers in so many different pots that a story centered on her might be a scattershot. I like Mari more as a behind the scenes antagonizer, it's like Manatsu, how she works best when you don't know exactly what she is thinking. Then there was also the fact that Benihime was your favorite character and your the only person who comments on my stories, so I thought you'd find a Benihime story more interesting.
It's been more like a week since Benihime agreed to Mari's matchmaking. The confession took place the week before the run up to the election. It's still fast for Mari, but you'll see why. Mari has things planned, the question is whether or not Benihime will play along.
Cooking is Benihime's comfort zone and a big sub-plot to the story. Writing the cooking segments was interesting. I used some of the tricks I learned from writing wrestling stories, but I don't know if it'll be interesting. To me it is, but I like cooking competition shows, I was watching masterchef as I wrote this story. We'll have to see if the experiment works out or not.
I know the feeling, when my mom ask me to look at her tablet or phone, I know I'm going to spend a good chunk of my time, first figuring out what she wants, the figuring out if I can do it. On a side note, I might have gotten a job, the interview went really well. The lady said like three times that she really enjoyed talking to me, hopefully that means she would like to work with me. I'm just worried if they call my past employers. By Friday I'll know if I got the job or not, which is nice, I don't have to go stir crazy waiting for a response.
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I really need to find a new time to read your stories. I like reading a little something before work to get my mind working, but along with that comes the chaos of the morning routine by the others. It's worse when I'm at my folks place, but Mia's isn't much better. For some reason everyone just screams everything they say, cats are flying around, and people keep wanting to talk to me. Reading can be challenging, but trying to write a response is worse. Then again, I'm sitting here complaining about it, so I guess I'm getting somewhere.
Anyway, I wasn't sure what type of guy Mari would pawn on her friend. With her, you always have to expect some other motive. I'm sure she has moments where she'll do something out of the kindness of her heart, but those are rare. She's kinda self absorbed and enjoys messing with people's lives. So Shige isn't exactly what I would have thought as a date option, given Mari's history. The only thing he has that she wants, seemingly, is painting skill. She wants a painting of the student council... for some reason. I get that it's an excellent set up to get to shy people to open up (especially with Benihime dressing up), but I believe that's only part of Mari's plan. She wants Shige to paint them for unknown reasons. I just don't know for what.
I wonder if it's telling that the man she picked out for Benihime is kind of how Mari views her. She picked a shy, aloof, loner who is oblivious to the world even to the point that he doesn't take care of himself. So either Mari thinks that Benihime is is the same way or else she's giving Benihime a project so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Either way, it's kinda crappy. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong. Still, it seems Shige is going to be the love interest, so I hope he's not too pathetic. Benihime's tastes lie with strong willed men, so he can't be a sad sack if he wants her.
While I was typing the the boss showed up early and I had to do. SO while I started this post in the morning I finished it in the afternoon. >.< It was in the middle of the last paragraph in mid-sentence too! Good thing I kept this window open!
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Sounds like your mornings are pretty crazy. Cats flying everywhere made me laugh though. Mari does have an ulterior motive, but I think you'll be surprised at what it is, I'm pretty sure you won't be able to guess it. Shigue really doesn't seem like much, but you hit on one of the points that make him a possible boyfriend for Benihime, is that he is project. She viewed Keiji as a project, trying to change him from a bully to a gentleman. Shoji was also a project, if you remember it wasn't until he started hanging with Noriko that he decided to start making something out of his life. Mari knows Benihime while beeing somewhat desperate also has high standards, so she in the past has been willing to accept boys who might not be perfect, but she believes she can mold. The problem is that was old Benihime.
Mari also likes a challenge and Shige being so underwhelming, is even more of a challenge for her. I do wonder if I made Shige appealing enough by the end. I think I gave Benihime a lot of character growth by the end, but I wonder how you'll view Shige by the end. There is more to him than you see at first, I think I gave him some really good motivation for him being who he is, but I'll have to wait until everything is revealed to see what you think. I do think that I've fallen into an unforeseen pattern, both Noriko and Benihime have artist as potential boyfriends. Hell even Inna is a costume designer, so Yayaka is also with an artist. I think I need to look for different candidates.
Here's to calm weekend mornings, hopefully.
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I'm not sure why, but the last chapter (Ch 7) Yayaka and Benihime came off as comic Starfire and Raven. I don't think it was something you did intentionally, I just saw similarities on how they interacted with each other during the picnic. In the comics, Starfire is all emotion while Raven suppressed her feelings. The cartoon does this a little bit, but Raven is more vulcan like in the show where as in the comic she's more gloomy and speaks all proper and kinda poetic. Since this was really the first big time we've seen the two have a moment, the relationship jumped off the screen like that. I like the contrast, to be honest. They make a really good pair and definitely had the best chemistry of all the pairings (of the girls) in BOTH stories, I think. Mari sort of is a social butterfly, friend to all, but not really as everyone is always questioning her motives. Noriko sort of has been all about Shoji in both stories (so far) so it seems like she's in her own world. In the past you've alluded that Yayaka and Benihime were bosom buddies, but Ch 7 really was the first time we got to see it. Granted the first story was mostly in Shoji's POV, but you know what I mean. The little picnic really brought out their personalities beyond the "proper" and "slutty" personas.
Just finished Ch 8. Mari's at it again! Damn girl. She's so sneaky, I just want to know what the hell she gets out of setting Benihime up. It seems Inna has the same mindset, so you go girl. She was very suspicious until Yayaka turned on her horn-dog pheromones. I can see the advantages of being a succubus at times like that, but it must be worrying for Inna to know that Yayaka could always turn that on to get her to do what she wants. That's probably why Yayaka is looking for a strong-willed partner, I'm sure. She doesn't use her charm intentionally (all the time at least) so she must feel guilty about playing with Inna's emotions. Still, I see great potential in a camp scene. (Glee-chan antics are flying in my head!). Shige and Shoji hanging out with a bunch of girls is questionable though... but then again I shove Nobuyuki in with the girls all the time so I can't say anything, lol.
It's very odd. The first story, I kinda liked Mari, but this one I'm sort of viewing her as an antagonist. She's trying to help Benihime (with some selfish motive, I'm sure), but I guess having all the characters constantly question the girl's actions makes me weary of her. I'm sure some of that is where you're leading the reader with you're writing, but maybe part of it is me being super suspicious? In any case, it's a mystery. I wonder what will happen next?
Oh. I decided to read/write after work this time because of all the freaking chaos that happens in the morning. This is a little better. Mia isn't home yet so I have some time. I'm hoping this time (after work) will work out better than the mornings. We'll see. Mia might not be here, but Nicole is... Let's just say she can turn on her Makoto-like charm whenever she feels like it. Right now she's reading so I'm safe. lol
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I I've only read random Titan comics so I didn't know Starfire and Raven were like that. I mostly wanted to show that even though Benihime is very proper and old fashioned, she isn't closed minded. You would think Benihime would be too conservative to be with a wild girl like Yayaka, but the two are like sisters. Their relationship works. because they each understand each other and what parts of their lives are best kept to each other.
Mari hasn't changed, she is still Mari, if you remember Shoji didn't trust her much either. What did change is we are seeing Mari through Benihime's eyes and of all the girls Mari and Benihime have the most tumultuous relationship. Shoji was too caught up in the yokai harem to really wonder what Mari might be doing, plus Mari would never do anything to anger Noriko. Benihime on the other hand knows Mari, knows what bakeneko's are like, and knows better than to trust her at face value. Inna doesn't trust Mari, because of how she toyed with her when Mari played matchmaker between her and Yayaka. Inna is also protective of her cousin, but when she hears that he might get to be with one of the hottest girls on campus, she changes her tune.
I think if the girls were regular human girls, there would be no way that Kurosawa would let them go camping without a chaperon. The ones in real danger would the boys and Inna though, Noriko is a Judo prodigy and Oni, not even an angry Benihime was much of a challenge for her. Yayaka can turn boys and Inna into drooling idiots, Mari is a shapeshifting cat that can resurrect the dead, and angering Benihime is asking to get turned into a popsicle.
You will learn what Mari gets eventually, I'm pretty sure you'll be surprised, it's a very Mari thing.
If Nicole turns on the Makoto, turn on the Sora and resist. Then again in the end even Sora succumb to Makoto's influence.
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Oh Yayaka. I'm sort of surprised that Benihime didn't put a stop to the Succubus-Aura influence going on there. Yayaka was blatantly using her sex appeal to get what she wanted. Given that Benihime doesn't want to "win" anyone by manipulating people's will, allowing Yayaka to do just that seems like something Benihime would disapprove of. As for Shige, I'm getting a Satoshi-vibe in these early chapters. He's kind of in his own world and doesn't really want to involve others. People have to push him to act. So far his only good quality seems to be that he's perceptive towards yokai auras. Even his passion for art seems to come from a dark place. BUT maybe that will change. We are only seeing him from Benihime's point of view, afterall. But yeah, he hasn't won me (or her) over just yet.
And damn. Now I want Hamburger Steak. Normally it's not my thing, but I guess just coming home from work I'm hungry. Seeing a loving description of food is making my tummy rumble. I'm guessing that either you cook in real life, or watch enough cooking shows to know how to describe it. It felt very natural, not at all forced. If you don't like to cook (or enjoy cooking shows) you could have fooled me. lol.
Also, thank you Toro. She's saying something that so far NONE of her friends are saying, which is incredible. "You should trust your gut. Don't let your prior mistakes dictate your future relationship." Damn straight. And don't let your friend push you into something you don't want while we're at it. Maybe I'm not much of a Shige fan today?. Then again, he was speaking my language when it came to art and the art world. I don't know if you remembered one of my rants, but he sounded like me for a bit, lol. Art for art sake is all by erased in this corporate/digital world. There's no use for it, unless it's to sell a product it seems. You can't just be good, you have to be the best of the best and Shige was saying all that more or less. It's soooo depressing!
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Damn seems like I made you depressed and hungry, lol. Benihime is against using her yokai aura to get a man, she can't really dictate what Yayaka should do though. She's also promised to give Mari a fair shot, that means letting some of her plans play out, even if she doesn't fully trust Mari.
Shige has more layers. He might be a bit too much into his art and not care about much else, but you'll learn why. He and Benihime do have a common thread that will help them understand each other. I don't know if you'll approve of Shige, it was hard to really show the changes in him, since we never see things from his perspective. I tried to be subtle, because Shige did not seem to me like someone whose whole attitude would drastically change. I wonder if I might have been too subtle, but I'll have to see what your reaction is. Were Shoji was a man of action, to a certain extent, Shige isn't as much, then again he has a reason for why.
I do like to cook, I find it relaxing and I do watch quite a few cooking shows. The hamburger steak was actually inspired by a Masterchef episode were they made Salisbury Steaks. I did do some research with youtube videos, especially for the eclairs, to make sure I didn't say anything too ridiculous. I thought the cooking subplot would be good for Benihime, it shows that while Benihime might be lost in what to do with her romantic life, she isn't a weak person, put her in the kitchen and she is all business. I wanted to make sure Benihime didn't come across as just a weak willed girl, but someone going through an actual crisis.
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A lot happened in Ch 11. I guess we got to know Shige better now. Can't hate him anymore, damn it. lol. You get where he's coming from, with his demanding father. I wonder why it is that parent, in both reality and fiction, put such high demands on their children. I'll never know because I hate kids and... well, I'm dating another woman. In some ways I think parents are trying to make sure the kids aren't repeating the same mistakes, but in other ways I think parents are living vicariously through their kids. I guess that's why some parents push kids into sports or going to the universities they would have gone if they had the brains. Stuff like that. In Shige's case his father is being over protective and trying to make sure his son isn't making the same mistakes he did. Shige does have a point about Benihime though... just because she's adopted doesn't mean she's indebted to them. Generally foster parents take on children because they want them, not because they are forced too. So the child shouldn't have to feel like they need to make it up to them. BUT this is Benihime we're talking about.
AND damned if Hitomi didn't voice those same things. I knew I liked her. (Also, is if weird that when I picture her in my head I see Hitomi from Dead or Alive?) . Other than the Mari incident, I was surprised that you didn't have more camp antics with all the build up leading towards it. No skinny dipping in the lake or throwing sparklers in the camp fire? Oh well. At least Mari got to show everyone her Bearsuit. ^.~ . I will say that last time you made me hungry for Hamburger Steak and this time I want creme puffs. A actually went out and had Hamburger Steak yesterday, believe it or not. I wonder if some creme puffs are in my future? I don't know. Believe it or not, I don't have a very sweet-tooth. I've always preferred savory things. If I were dating Benihime, I'd probably be safe from ballooning up because she tends to like baking over cooking.
I also liked that Mari backed down immediately when Benihime almost lost it. I guess it proves that while all the yokai are powerful in their own way, Benihime is probably the strongest when she's Hulked out. Sorry, Marvel reference... I hate myself for that. Who can I use for DC? I don't think they have anyone who's super powerful whenever someone accidentally drops a drink in their lap. Anyway, it's telling that not one person is telling Benihime to go home. They all want her to stay. It was nice for Shoji to offer to talk to her parents, but he's kinda stepping over the line there, being he's not her boyfriend. Noriko seemed okay with it... (maybe she's willing to share?). I still want to know what Mari gets out of all this. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.
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I'm glad I got you to change your opinion on Shige. I wanted to give him a reason for his crazy passion beyond just being an artist. Once you see what drives him, he becomes more of a character and hopefully you want to root for him like you root for Benihime. I wanted to make Shige feel a little more relatable too, not everyone can relate to artistic inspiration but most can relate to having expectations from their parents. I didn't want to make Shige's father too much of an ogre either, I wanted to have his concerns come from a place of caring, making it that much harder to just shrug off his concerns.
Now I am thinking of Hitomi from DoA especially with the new game. Hitomi is like the big sister Benihime never had giving her sage advice. You can't blame Benihime for feeling indebted to her parents she is a special case, her parents are sudo-gods. It be like if some royal family adopted someone, it might make the kid feel like they have some extra pressure to live up to the family name. Of course Hitomi being a Hannya also was adopted, though not by gods, and can relate somewhat to Benihime's situation. In the end it is Benihime putting pressure on herself, because that is just her personality.
If you think about it Shoji was kinda responsible for Benihime going after Tanahashi. He did expose his cheating as much to get back at him and because he had a slight crush on Benihime as he did because he felt the cheating was wrong. Even after Mari warned him his plan was going to backfire he went through with it, so it would make sense he still felt guilty and would want to do the right thing as a friend. Shoji also doesn't know that Benihime's parents are nine-tailed foxes, he's jumping into a situation uninformed. That's what Mari kinda lets him know when he says he should worry about himself.
As for power levels, Noriko is the strongest, it wouldn't even be a fight if she took any of the other girls on. She's an Oni, so she's nearly indestructible, her iron club gives her tremendous power, she knows Judo, and comes from a family of extremely strong Oni. Mari is probably the weakest, while she has sharp claws and is acrobatic, she isn't strong enough to beat any of the girls in a real fight. Of course Mari is a shapeshifter with genius level intellect and she actually can raise the dead. All the times she alluded to it she wasn't making a joke, bakaneko's can raise the dead with their dancing in some legends, so while she isn't strong, you wouldn't want to fight her in a graveyard. Of course Yayaka can turn boys, men, and lesbians into lust crazed zombies and she can also drain your essence, but she isn't a fighter either.
You say you'll never have kids, but there is adoption or in vitro. Then again that would mean you actually wanted to go through all the drama of being a parent. You already have cats, those are much better.
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WTF. I didn't favorite this picture when it came out? Honestly Crissey. Well I fixed that. Now then... where was I...
So I think after the "bear attack", Benihime officially fell for Shige. This last chapter there was more chemistry between them than there had been previously. She was even admiring him on a personal level, not just his dedication to work. Mari's push was probably what these sad-sacks needed to actually get into gear. Shige "defended Benihime, while Benihime impressed him by rebuking a "bear". Seems as he's more open to her as well, given he repainted parts of Benihime's portrait. (Let's just hope he doesn't have a secret stash of painted nudes of the Yokai... unlike some dA artists out there...). I still think Benihime and Yakaya have the best chemistry int he story, but it's nice that some romance "action" is beginning for the romantic leads. I'm using a lot of quotes in this paragraph, aren't I?
Anyway, I liked the little side-banter between Benihime and Hitomi again. The little side-contest kinda added a little more excitement to the actual contest for me because it made it more personal. Despite the result of the real one, they're still be a pay off for the side one. Making the loser having to cook breakfast means that if Benihime wins or loses, we still get a little cherry after the contest is over. It's nice to see Hitomi taking an interest in things other than Lei-Fang. (Sorry, I'm still not over the DOA references). The little dinner Yayaka arranged was really sweet too. You can tell she really cares for Benihime and going the extra mile to cheer her on. Then again... she did make Inna do most of the work... lol
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I know you commented on the drawing when I posted it. I had thought you had also faved it, but I must have been wrong too.
There is a good reason that Yayaka didn't cook. It's not so much she made Inna and Noriko do it, as it is that no one who knows of Yayaka's reputation in a kitchen would actually let her try to cook. Yayaka has many talents, but cooking is not one of them. I'm glad that Yayaka's and Benihime's friendship is coming across as strong as it is. They are childhood friends so their chemistry should be strong, they know each other better than any of the other characters know each other. Like Benihime pointed out, to Yayaka, Benihime is a sister and succubi have very strong familial bonds with their sisters.
Hitomi is a lot like what Benihime wants to be. She is confident, can control her negative emotions, and is a great chef, so she is the perfect senpai for Benihime. Hitomi is also a Hanya though and I thought her feelings of jealousy could manifest themselves in a very competitive edge. She is always looking to take on anyone who might be better than her and Benihime is skilled enough to pique Hitomi's interest.
The bear incident was a turning point for Shige and Benihime, not just because Shige got to play the hero, but because Benihime got to see the burdens he was carrying. Benihime likes projects, though she might deny it. Keiji was a project that blew up in her face and Shoji would have also been a project. Benihime has learned to not throw herself into a hopeless project, but she is still a hopeless romantic who will fall for a boys sob story. Shige's story affected her, because she could relate to it. By the same token Shige isn't so blind that he doesn't realize one of the hottest girls in his year is going out of her way to be with him, he's not that clueless. He's also starting to see Benihime as more of a friend than just a hot girl in his year, that's why he changed her painting. As for nudes, don't know, Shige is a high school boy, it's best to not look through his internet history.
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Man, fifteen was a cliffhanger. All the action going into the cooking and BAM, go to the next chapter bitch. lol. That's how you do it though. I think you're taking some style from your wrestling stories. Sometimes you end matches in cliffhangers like that, lol. But anyway, I'm glad Benihime won. It gives her one extra thing to show her parents on why it's fine for her to say in the human world. I do like that it was a close call and not just an automatic win. She could have easily lost. The two are probably on par with each other and any other day it could have gone the other way around. Here's the question. In a cross universe competition, could she beat Nodoka Odo? I think she has Shiho in the bag, as she's more of a traditional/home cook. Nodoka, on the other hand, is a proper chief. I think, like this competition, Benihime owns on desserts. The other ones would be hard to judge. Given you've written more cooking than I have, we only have a vague impression of Nodoka's skills. So who knows? Nodoka would be stupid to challenge a Yokai anyway.
That moment with Shoji seeing Benihime's parents was pretty cool. Sometimes it's easy to forget that there is another side to the story that's completely supernatural. Shoji being about to grasp the magnificence of those around him is normally cool, but somehow him doing so with higher beings is cooler. Yeah, I know the Principal is high up there too, but for some reason Benihime's folks feel bigger cause they aren't in the human world that often.
I'm glad that Benihime has come to terms with what she wants to do and told her parents... but that damn Mari. What the hell, man? Why is she butting into Benihime's business? Finding a boyfriend is one thing, but advertising it to her parents is another. It's almost like she was trying to sabotage Benihime's chances by informing the parents that she set them up. It's weird. More to the mystery, and this time Benihime isn't just going along with it. She seemed just as upset as I was. What the hell? What is that girl playing at?
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I'm pretty sure Nodoka would win. Benihime is a great amateur chef, but she hasn't even gone to culinary school yet. Nodoka would know far more techniques along with knowing how to cook dishes from even more countries. Then again it might depend what type of cooking competition it is. In cooking shows private chefs don't always do the best with managing the clock, they're more used to working with more time than a restaurant chef. That being said Nodoka still has far more skills than Benihime, it be like Benihime going against Tugushi-sama. I actually think even Shiho wouldn't be beat so easily, she has restaurant experience so she knows how to work a clock, though she probably knows mostly traditional Japanese dishes, so Benihime might have her beat in originality. I'm glad you did like the cooking parts though.
Shoji was in over his head, but at least he understood why, Shige while not being as sensitive was also in over his head and had no idea why. They both were probably quite shaken. At least Shoji has Noriko to comfort him.
Mari is playing a long game and Benihime is quite angry. You'll find out what her goal is next chapter and I think you'll be surprised. You'll also find out if Mari survives an angry yuki-onna, or ends up an icicle.
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I don't know about those girls. They were far too forgiving of Mari, no matter what the excuse is. Truth is, she is spying for their parents. Mari didn't inform them, and has been doing that for a long time. It's like letting your folks read your personal journals. So I'm with Benihime. I'd be angry at Mari, a "friend" who's been keeping such a big thing a secret, and my parents who are far too controlling that they'd employ another student to meddle with my life. I get they are Yokai living in the human world, but the amount of privacy being broken is off the scale. I'd be angry at all of them, kami or not. I'm shocked they just let it go, I really am. Given Mari's been doing this, and will continue too, that'd be a friendship ender for sure.
At least Shige's overbearing parents turned out to be more in his head than anything. They were understanding about his dream, which is good. Maybe Human parents are better than Kami/Yokai. Bastards. Her friends are pushing for Benihime to seal the deal with Shige now that all the dust is cleared, but once again Shoji is the voice of reason. I really do think that if Shoji were interested, there wouldn't be any question on what Benihime would do. It might lead to a disagreement with Noriko though... but it's obvious that she still loves him. Shige is cool, but I kinda think she's settling.
On a side note... I don't who keeps sending Benihime letters. Obviously she doesn't answer them, but someone in the school keeps trying. I wonder who. I seems to be a number of people, but you got to think some of those people are return-writers. Someone really likes her. If only they'd just leave their names. I wonder if , you as a writer, know who some of them are. (It better not be Izumi Kato,lol... I know I know, different realities).
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You're probably right about the girls' reactions. I was going more for comedy, trying to lighten the mood after the more intense segments with Benihime's parents, but maybe I should have kept it more dramatic. If I make another Yokai story, I'll have to address it, maybe the girls aren't as forgiving as they made it seem once they have time to think it over. Mari might be the lesser of two evils, but that doesn't mean that they should have shrugged her off. Maybe the next Yokai story could be Mari trying to use her scheming to make it up to her friends only to find it makes things worse and worse. It could be a comedy of errors type of story.
Shige's father still hasn't accepted him being a painter, but he's more hopeful now that he saw Benihime's success. Shige has been hard to write as a convincing love interest because we don't get to be in his head like Shoji. I think maybe I should have added more interactions between him and Benihime show them bonding more so you get why they can work as a pair. He's probably never going to look really good next to Shoji because Shoji is more of a man of action. Shoji is a bit like Araragi from Monogatari Series, in that he's always trying to help the girls, even if his plans might blow up in his face. Shige might have ended up being too much like a typical harem protagonist. I did try to give him personal issues going to make him more relatable and less bland, but I think I didn't let enough of his personality shine through. He might be too one-note. I spent so much time on Benihime and not enough on him.
Benihime gets love letters from a lot of boys, I don't have any in mind particularly. At one point I thought of making Shige one of them, but that wouldn't have made sense. I was mostly taking a shot at hoe Japanese boys and men seem to not know how to approach women, with how the population is dropping over there. I also wanted to make my own Love Letter Lovely, since you liked Benihime.
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I'm glad you didn't make Shige one of her admirers because that might seem a bit convenient. I sort of got the impression that Shige had a small crush on Mari before he had on on Benihime. I mean, you don't just ask a girl to be your muse on several pictures for no reason. I haven't really gotten that feeling since Yayaka and Benihime started giving him the time of day, so I think showing him attention took away any kinda of crush he might have had.
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He had an attraction to her, because of her yokai aura, but he never felt anything romantic for her. Remember Mari has a very harsh way of dealing with admirers, someone like Shige who isn't really after a gf wouldn't even want to chance being embarrassed by her. There is also the fact that we don't know if Shige approached Mari first or if Mari walked up to Shige and told him he was painting her end or argument. We do know Shige helped out an injured stray cat and that is all you have to do to make Mari feel like she should help you out or at least insert herself into your life.
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The opening parts of chapter 19 got me wondering if Shige really does have a crush but is more open to being friends. Being in a relationship definitely might be out of his comfort zone, so even if he does like her he probably wouldn't act on it. I think he's either waiting for Benihime to make a move, or else rather them remain friends and not go down that rabbit hole. I had a friend named April where if we pushed it, we probably could have hooked up. She was open to the part of it at least. But we were such good friends I didn't want us to go there. Best friends and lovers are different and you should be able to have one of each (if you can). So that might be where Shige's mind is going? I don't know. There's one chapter left (as I'm writing this) so I'll find out by the next paragraph. As for me, I'm not sure if I want them together or not. I'm very conflicted, and I wonder if you were as well while writing it. All the close friends tell Benihime to just go for it, but the one's she admires (her senpai and Shoji) are telling her to be cautious. So it really is a nail-biter until the end. Okay, on to the last chapter.
Well, the first sentence answered that question, lol. It seemed nice that she asked him out like she did. His acceptance of it was weird though. "I'm not foolish enough to let this opportunity pass me by." It sort of brings all those questions I had before right back up. Is he just saying yes because of who she is? It was a very strange way of accepting her proposal. He wasn't really flustered, happy, or anything. He was just like "Yeah, okay." Odd. If this wasn't the end of the story, I'd expect some sort of twist ending, but... that was the ending! Then, to top it all off, HE makes the move to kiss her, more confident than he's every been. So what are you doing to me? You got me all confused?! Was that really Mari? Seriously, my brain is about to explode.
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No it wasn't Mari, she isn't that cruel. I think my lack of familiarity with romance bit me in the ass this time. Basically what I was trying to get across with the " I'm not foolish," line was the fact that Shige understands Benihime is too hot for him, but he's putting that out of his mind and following his emotions. I had him be the one to kiss Benihime, because I felt he hadn't done anything since the woods, I wanted to show he was ready to step up and be a boyfriend. I didn't mean to send mix signals. The ending of the story I threw away my outline for because I felt it didn't fit. Originally it was Shige who was going to leave a love letter in Benihime's locker inviting her to a dinner, that Mari and Hitomi helped him put together. The reason I changed that ending was that I felt it took the initiative away from Benihime. We started with Mari pushing her into dating and if in the end it was Mari working with Shige who confessed, it would feel like Benihime was just going with the flow when it came to dating, following Mari's plan. I didn't want to make her look like a weak protagonist. In the end though, it seems that I made Shige look like a weak romantic interest.
I think this story really needed more chapters now that I've finished posting it. I think the pacing of the end was off, it went by too quickly with not enough interaction between Benihime and Shige. If I broke the story into a 3 act story, the first part starts with the failed confession and ends with the camping trip. It serves to set up the story and to show Benihime and Shige gaining a common ground and the a spark forming. The second part starts after the camping trip and ends after the confrontation with Mari. That part was about Benihime getting into her groove, confronting her parents and Mari. The third act would have been from the karaoke to the confession. I think that's where I stumbled, because all that is in that act is the confession. The sad thing is now that I think about it, I know how I could have improved it. I should have had Shige confront his father, with Benihime providing him emotional support before and after, giving them yet another moment to bond. It would have given the third act some conflict, allowed me to show Shige seeing Benihime as more than a friend. It might have also made Benihime's decission to confess feel less out of the blue. When I wrote Fuu Pups, before the outline I had a breakdown of each act, I should have done the same for Of Yokai, then I could have seen what the ending was lacking.
Hopefully you still like Benihime and the Yokai world, eve if she left you confused.
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Don't worry, I still do. I just was confused by that last part. Looking back, you're right. Shige only was assertive in the woods, and it was a life-or-death thing, so acting act of normal for is usual state makes sense. But being suave and giving the first kiss after being confessed to was a bit abrupt. Ah well. People are one-dimensional and are capable of doing things one usually don't associate with them at first glance. Like before, he did act brave in the woods, which would seem out of character for him. Plus we only see him through Benihime's eyes, so my perspective of him comes from her and what others think about him. He might have a more assertive side that Benihime didn't see. If we push it a bit, you can take a guess that he is stubborn given that when he's passionate about something, he won't listen to anyone's advice to take it easy. So he's not a push over. Inna and others told him to get out the art studio and he didn't. So you did establish that. Since he was more or less a mystery (given he was tied to what Mari's true motivations were) the first part of their romance was clouded with suspicion. He had to earn Benihime's affection, and as a result ours. I do think he went a long way of doing that, but you're right, he needed maybe another moment or two to show that different side of his before that ending.
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Now I want to re-write it, lol. I'll hold off though, I'll keep all this in mind for the next wrestling story.
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