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ProbablyAGothKid β Lipstick
#me #myface #selfie #nonbinary
Published: 2015-10-06 15:33:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 663; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 7
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I'm wearing makeup other than just black eyeliner! Β Since when??Related content
Comments: 58
Oh gosh no, younger me is not an image I am proud of haha
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I didn't even like myself then. Β Honestly I don't fully consider younger me to be "ME", in the sense that since I've moved away from my family I have changed drastically as a person. Β I even changed my name.
In my mind, younger me represents all of my past mistakes, my previous limitations, and the abuse that still digs its claws into me today in the form of long lasting psychological scars. Β I was never truly happy before this time in my life, I hate the thought of going back.
Also I personally don't like how I looked when I was younger lol
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i think i sort of understand (maybe)
are you saying you were going through a self loathing stage in your life?
if so i think have been THERE before (simply go back 3 weeks)
REALLY! you changed your name? can i am why, that sounds pretty eventful to your life
...wow hearing that really makes me think of a close friend of mine... she also has some psychological issues (things weren't good to her in the past)
and i can only imagine how bad it must have been if it still effects you to this day and led you to change your name
i am sorry for asking, in case i brought up some bad memories i am truly sorryΒ
(i disagree with the crossed out line still)
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I have an abusive mother, and attracted abusive "friends" in my younger life. Β That's the short of it.
"Self Loathing" wasn't so much of a "phase" as it was a learned way of life. Β My mother never loved me, and I wasn't allowed to do anything that annoyed her (a.k.a., asking her to feed me-as a young child, breathing "too loudly" while sick, being sick, expressing emotion, talking to her when she didn't feel like hearing my voice, walking into a room when she didn't want to see me...I could go on, but I think you get the idea)
No need to apologize, I'm fairly open about this sort of thing.
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...oh, i am so sorry to hear that, someone as nice as you doesn't deserve any of that happening to you, from these last few replies i can tell you have a kind heart
the one that makes me the saddest is the mother part, i'm sorry if this has brought up unhappy memories
hmm, alright then, sorry for getting it wrong
my god that sounds awful, i hope your feeling better now that your away from all of thatΒ
i only have 1 question, when you said you changed your name what was it and what was it changed to?
i am a little curious if it is ok of me to ask i mean
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Oh I don't know if I would call myself a "nice" person. Β I'm usually civil, I guess sometimes that's enough lol
I have PTSD from my childhood actually, and it does make things pretty damn difficult. Β I'm having toΒ
"un-learn" a lot of horrible things. Β That said, it's worlds better to be on my own.
I'm Elizabeth(My legal Middle name) I go by Eli(Pronounced like Ellie) and sometimes Liz.
As for what my name WAS, I don't share that. Β The only people I still talk to who call me by my first name are my family and my man.
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you seem nice here, you'r easy to communicate with and your responses are usually pretty nice (give or 1 or 2)
that makes a nice person in my book
PTSD is never a good thing, i really wish i knew a way to help out with that
when you compare it to the things you've mentioned i don't blame you for thinking that, but don't you ever feel lonely?
(a cat might help with that)
ah ok then, not gong to lie that's a lovely name
and ok then, sorry for asking
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I never like using the term "PTSD". Β As a former psychology student, I know the term is indeed CORRECT for my situation...but it feels weird to use for my abusive childhood; especially since my man is a military veteran with PTSD (he doesn't have a problem with me using the term, I just personally feel weird about using it)
By "on my own" I mean I've moved away from my mother's family lol. Β I have a roommate (she's my cousin actually, we grew up together. Β Also she's allergic to cats lol), I have a lover, I have friends, and I have a job so I talk to my coworkers regularly lol
I've always liked it 
No problem, as I've said, I'm usually pretty open. Β I don't usually get upset when people ask me questions, I just don't answer the question if I don't feel like sharing haha
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i think i can get what you mean, PTSD is much more common in military people but it can still be used for abused people i feel liek then it would split into 2 groups (which i am making up here) PTSDA (post stress disorder of ABUSE) and PTSDB (post stress disorder of BATTLE) same things but caused through different means, if these ARE real i would be amazed
well that's nice to know hope it goes well with your room mate
sorry for misunderstanding the "on your own thing" you seem to be doing well, well done on the socialization
(the cat thing was just for the alone thing but i was proved wrong
i can agree you look like an Ellie
that's both nice to know and a nice way to go at it
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That would be nice for categorization purposes. Β I usually verbalize it as "I suffer from traumatic stress as a result of my abusive upbringing"
Eh, she and I have our difficulties, but we are very close, and we won't have to live together forever lol
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glad you like the idea
i will see if i can make that a real thing
either way good to not be alone
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Honestly some days I'd prefer to be alone lol...I feel like she and I get along a lot better when we DON'T live together. Β She doesn't MEAN to be hurtful, but despite being close as kids, she and I come from VERY different backgrounds, and we both suffer from narcissism as a result of our upbringing(opposite ends of the spectrum though, my disorder manifests itself in the "IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT NO MATTER WHAT, AND I HAVE TO LIVE UP TO IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS THAT I ONLY HAVE FOR MYSELF" meanwhile hers is "IT'S NEVER MY FAULT AND EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS TO MEASURE UP TO MY STANDARDS")
She's my cousin and I love her to death, we do get along well when we're getting along...but as you can imagine things can get pretty stressful.
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ah ok then, with me it depends on my mood when happy i like company but when sad i prefer to be alone as to not drag my friends down
looks like I MYSELF leans more towards your perspective, and hearing those 2 together sounds like something i could see in a god dam sitcom (bad taste but i have seen things like that really)
i get ya, either way at least your sort of close
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My whole life could be a fucking weird soap-opera honestly haha, I even have a "secret older half-brother who I've never met"
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i too have an older 1/2 brother but he isn't a secret he used to live with us until he turned like 13 i think
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I've never met my older brother, and my Dad doesn't know he exists (brother's mom told my mom because she wanted us to meet when I was 4, but changed her mind because she didn't want me telling my Dad)
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wow, that is one complicated relationship i have to say. wonder if you'll ever meet him
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I don't know. Β When I learned about him (I was 14) I WANTED very badly to meet him...but the way I see it now, he's an adult, he's lived his life one way for so many years, he might not know about our family, or he might not even care about meeting a family he never knew. Β Either way, hope he's doing well.
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i'm sure if you 2 meet it will just be a nice interesting thing you 2 share, if you meet him then you meet him, if not then oh well
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Exactly. Β I've lived my whole life without knowing him, it doesn't make too much of a difference. Β I'll just always wonder a little bit.
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Hence "lipstick" lol
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Welcome! Wow your lipsΒ
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lol the lipstick is actually more red irl, it looks purple in the picture
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Haha still you will make me die for a kiss
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Ha no it would smear lol
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lol It's just a webcam selfie, and thanks!
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It came out very well...
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I love how icily piercing your eyes are, and your lips are perfectly shaped and coloured!
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Thank you! Β I have been known to knock people off guard by staring them in the eye (I'm also pretty bad about making eye-contact, so a direct stare is also very unusual)
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I'm the same. I've never liked making eye contact, so it's something I've had to train into my behavior. It can be intense. I wonder what our eye contact would look like?
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You'd probably be unnerved haha, I have a way of staring that people describe the feeling as "Staring through their entire being"
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Incredible. I'd love to experience that.
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