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Description
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8 4/8
Bored Space

This was the game suggested to me by Tarosan himself. I know he’s been eager for me to get around to this title and unfortunately for my long time pal, Dead Space really didn’t sell itself to me all that well. For his sake, I’ll make this explanation more of a mercy killing than a brutal decapitation.

I don’t really like horror games in the same manner I don't like horror movies, for I don’t understand the logical reason to watch something that makes you feel scared or frightened. Whereas my usual movie choices involve Schwarzenegger shooting foreigners, Bruce Willis outsmarting Alan Rickman or Monty Python going off to find the Holy Grail.

That’s not to say I cannot watch or stomach them. I will say my favourite horror movies of all time are Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Predator, the original Night of the Living Dead and Spice World. What completely drove me off them was when they made the decision of “hey, let’s not use psychological horror or suspense anymore! Let’s just show a bunch of blood and gore to make everyone vomit… Or ejaculate if they’re a bit weird!”

Basically subtly has long since departed and now it's all about one thing. Jump scares.

Unfortunately AAA games seem to be going down the same path, for they seem to be mistaking horror themes with plagiarising everything from Aliens to Halo. Dead Space’s biggest sin is a lack any identity of its own. It contains elements I’ve seen before and most importantly are not scary. I think I rolled my eyes when I saw the Floo-Umn I mean Necromorphs just going through the motions as written in their “Idiots Guide to Modern Horror Clichés… written by Capcom!”

Much like the Flood, the Necromorphs are about as shocking or terrifying as Michael Cole high on angel dust. These attempts to plagerise H.R. Giger or Lovecraft need to piss off already! Watching them failing their limbs about screaming “HERE I AM, SHOOT ME WHILE I FLAIL TOWARDS YOU LIKE A JUSTIN BIEBER FANGIRL HURRY UP AND SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE!!!” is the opposite of horror and becomes incredibly obnoxious!

Horror to me is the fear of the unknown. Dark, empty environments with just you and the illusion you’re alone. It’s so quiet that even your breathing has its own echo. You can barely see anything but you can sort of make out something in the distance. Fearing the worst, you turn and slowly walk away as quietly as possible. You think you can hear a sound in the distance but you’re too afraid to look as you continue to slowly move in the other direction. Then it gets louder, causing you to pick up the pace. The more you try to escape, the louder the sound becomes. Faster and faster you run until the sound is right behind you and then.....

....You wake up from the nightmare you just had.

If Dead Space acted out my nightmare scenario, it would just have a giblet brained monstrosity lumber towards you squealing like a Velociraptor with ample time to shoot it with a shotgun! Then stomp on it's head in your power armour cus "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!!" (most of these space marine tough guys are yankie tossers).

I think the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy’s are more terrifying than these dipsticks.

I know I’m harping on this one aspect but that’s my chief complaint with Dead Space. It’s fucking boring! Not once did I feel tense, scared, panicky or frightened out of my wits. No I found myself saying “Oh here comes the monster, better shoot him now!” which was rinsed and repeated about 20 buttfucking times!

The story in itself feels like an amalgamation of elements I’ve seen from Alien, Metroid, Halo, Resident Evil, Doom, Silent Hill and any other horror and space based thing from gaming in the last 10 years. It became painfully obvious that this game wanted to be anything but an innovator. If it truly wanted to be unique then the alien encounters would have been stretched so far apart that you begin to wonder if they’re going to show up. Unpredictability is what gets you. Even Resident Evil 2 didn’t have you gunning down zombies every 5 seconds but left quiet moments to build tension and atmosphere.

Something I wish the sequels would understand!

I found myself quoting TFS Frieza on occasion with how unoriginal the game was becoming. So you play as Isaac, as he and his crew arrive in response to a ships distress signal.

Frieza: I feel like I’ve been here before, have we been here before?

Upon landing, the team are split up as they’re attacked by murderous aliens and need to uncover the mystery of this situation, which turns out one of them may or not be a traitor.

Frieza: My God, this IS happening again!

I think when the evil scientist chap showed up, explaining to Isaac how these aliens will replace humans and outright worships them is when I really became desensitised and lost interest. When are people going to learn this shit NEVER WORKS!!! They tried to harness the power of H.R. Giger’s Aliens and every single time the Alien kill the dipshits, like they're on a mission to rid the universe of buttfucking stupidity! They tried to use the Metroids as weapons to take over the universe, and they sucked everyone dry like Anita opening a Kickstarter. They tried using the gates of Hell in Doom and that idea blew up in their faces. They tried using the Timesplitters as humanities superiors and they nearly wiped us all from history. They tried using zombies as an army in both Resident Evil and House of the Dead… You see where this is going right?

What I’m saying is this game oozes unoriginality for this is a plot I’ve seen in other, and more importantly, better games!

The game is playable sure, but I didn’t enjoy myself to care how it ended. This is not Dead Space’s fault entirely but I think the industry and a large chunk of the audience have forgotten what true horror really is. It’s not blasting away at machine gun fodder as a bland space marine. It's not watching boring, lazily designed bullet sponges do the same pulsating mutations and ripping heads of! It’s the complete terror of being alone in a place with no hope insight, and something is lurking in the darkness.

You never see it….

......But it can see you.

Description
Preowned Experiment: Big Villain 8 4/8
Bored Space

This was the game suggested to me by Tarosan himself. I know he’s been eager for me to get around to this title and unfortunately for my long time pal, Dead Space really didn’t sell itself to me all that well. For his sake, I’ll make this explanation more of a mercy killing than a brutal decapitation.

I don’t really like horror games in the same manner I don't like horror movies, for I don’t understand the logical reason to watch something that makes you feel scared or frightened. Whereas my usual movie choices involve Schwarzenegger shooting foreigners, Bruce Willis outsmarting Alan Rickman or Monty Python going off to find the Holy Grail.

That’s not to say I cannot watch or stomach them. I will say my favourite horror movies of all time are Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Predator, the original Night of the Living Dead and Spice World. What completely drove me off them was when they made the decision of “hey, let’s not use psychological horror or suspense anymore! Let’s just show a bunch of blood and gore to make everyone vomit… Or ejaculate if they’re a bit weird!”

Basically subtly has long since departed and now it's all about one thing. Jump scares.

Unfortunately AAA games seem to be going down the same path, for they seem to be mistaking horror themes with plagiarising everything from Aliens to Halo. Dead Space’s biggest sin is a lack any identity of its own. It contains elements I’ve seen before and most importantly are not scary. I think I rolled my eyes when I saw the Floo-Umn I mean Necromorphs just going through the motions as written in their “Idiots Guide to Modern Horror Clichés… written by Capcom!”

Much like the Flood, the Necromorphs are about as shocking or terrifying as Michael Cole high on angel dust. These attempts to plagerise H.R. Giger or Lovecraft need to piss off already! Watching them failing their limbs about screaming “HERE I AM, SHOOT ME WHILE I FLAIL TOWARDS YOU LIKE A JUSTIN BIEBER FANGIRL HURRY UP AND SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE!!!” is the opposite of horror and becomes incredibly obnoxious!

Horror to me is the fear of the unknown. Dark, empty environments with just you and the illusion you’re alone. It’s so quiet that even your breathing has its own echo. You can barely see anything but you can sort of make out something in the distance. Fearing the worst, you turn and slowly walk away as quietly as possible. You think you can hear a sound in the distance but you’re too afraid to look as you continue to slowly move in the other direction. Then it gets louder, causing you to pick up the pace. The more you try to escape, the louder the sound becomes. Faster and faster you run until the sound is right behind you and then.....

....You wake up from the nightmare you just had.

If Dead Space acted out my nightmare scenario, it would just have a giblet brained monstrosity lumber towards you squealing like a Velociraptor with ample time to shoot it with a shotgun! Then stomp on it's head in your power armour cus "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!!" (most of these space marine tough guys are yankie tossers).

I think the animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy’s are more terrifying than these dipsticks.

I know I’m harping on this one aspect but that’s my chief complaint with Dead Space. It’s fucking boring! Not once did I feel tense, scared, panicky or frightened out of my wits. No I found myself saying “Oh here comes the monster, better shoot him now!” which was rinsed and repeated about 20 buttfucking times!

The story in itself feels like an amalgamation of elements I’ve seen from Alien, Metroid, Halo, Resident Evil, Doom, Silent Hill and any other horror and space based thing from gaming in the last 10 years. It became painfully obvious that this game wanted to be anything but an innovator. If it truly wanted to be unique then the alien encounters would have been stretched so far apart that you begin to wonder if they’re going to show up. Unpredictability is what gets you. Even Resident Evil 2 didn’t have you gunning down zombies every 5 seconds but left quiet moments to build tension and atmosphere.

Something I wish the sequels would understand!

I found myself quoting TFS Frieza on occasion with how unoriginal the game was becoming. So you play as Isaac, as he and his crew arrive in response to a ships distress signal.

Frieza: I feel like I’ve been here before, have we been here before?

Upon landing, the team are split up as they’re attacked by murderous aliens and need to uncover the mystery of this situation, which turns out one of them may or not be a traitor.

Frieza: My God, this IS happening again!

I think when the evil scientist chap showed up, explaining to Isaac how these aliens will replace humans and outright worships them is when I really became desensitised and lost interest. When are people going to learn this shit NEVER WORKS!!! They tried to harness the power of H.R. Giger’s Aliens and every single time the Alien kill the dipshits, like they're on a mission to rid the universe of buttfucking stupidity! They tried to use the Metroids as weapons to take over the universe, and they sucked everyone dry like Anita opening a Kickstarter. They tried using the gates of Hell in Doom and that idea blew up in their faces. They tried using the Timesplitters as humanities superiors and they nearly wiped us all from history. They tried using zombies as an army in both Resident Evil and House of the Dead… You see where this is going right?

What I’m saying is this game oozes unoriginality for this is a plot I’ve seen in other, and more importantly, better games!

The game is playable sure, but I didn’t enjoy myself to care how it ended. This is not Dead Space’s fault entirely but I think the industry and a large chunk of the audience have forgotten what true horror really is. It’s not blasting away at machine gun fodder as a bland space marine. It's not watching boring, lazily designed bullet sponges do the same pulsating mutations and ripping heads of! It’s the complete terror of being alone in a place with no hope insight, and something is lurking in the darkness.

You never see it….

......But it can see you.