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Published: 2004-09-26 06:34:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 199; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 23
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Description
I was coming home for the first time in eight years. Home. After all this time, I still remember just what home looks like. The black pavement of the street leading up to a cracked cement driveway of our house, the blue door, the big window facing the city skyline… I remembered it all. I kept my scrapbook with me all this time just so I wouldn’t forget. My mother laughed at me. She said I was foolish and that we would see home again soon. Why did it matter whether I remembered what home looked like or not? “It matters to me,” I would always answer. Home was home, and I wanted to pick up life exactly where I left off.You can’t imagine how happy I was. We had been traveling in space for years on end. I had seen things most people only dream of, of course, planets, aliens, drifter ships, and the like, but growing up in space lacks a certain atmosphere. No, not atmosphere like Earth atmosphere, though I suppose that would also be accurate, but that’s not what I meant. It’s hard to explain what I mean, because I never really experienced it. I wish I could explain what I mean. It’s… warm? No…. fuzzy? No, that just sounds stupid. Happy doesn’t work either, because I was happy during my childhood. It’s a hard concept to grasp, but it comes so naturally to everyone who had the privilege of growing up on Earth.
My mother, little brother, and I had been visiting some friends when we left. My father and little sister had both caught a cold and decided to stay at home. We said goodbye, thinking nothing of it, and left for the afternoon. Our friends lived on a neighboring planet, so we boarded the spaceship and took off. I watched Earth out of the window until it finally shrunk into a tiny blue marble in the distance. I didn’t realize that it would be the last time I saw Earth or my father and sister in a long time.
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Comments: 14
RonoxQ [2004-10-01 11:29:10 +0000 UTC]
You're really good at developing characters. Still, what I didn't like was that it was so bundled up. It made it sort of annoying to read.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ria-DeVrai In reply to RonoxQ [2004-10-02 00:44:38 +0000 UTC]
I haven't actually worked on this piece much. I just had an idea, so I jotted some points down, but I'll revise it a bit. Thanks for the critique, but what exactly do you mean by "bundled up"? Just trying to make sure I got the meaning right.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RonoxQ In reply to Ria-DeVrai [2004-10-03 14:46:59 +0000 UTC]
I meant, the text itself is so clumped together, it's hard to follow a line of the story. For me, anyway.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ria-DeVrai In reply to RonoxQ [2004-10-03 21:38:58 +0000 UTC]
Ohhhh. Ok. Thanks. I'll change the formatting. Sorry about that.
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RonoxQ In reply to Ria-DeVrai [2004-10-04 11:22:28 +0000 UTC]
You don't have to be sorry. It's still a good story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
BellaStella88 [2004-10-01 02:54:34 +0000 UTC]
Whoa! Sci-fi! Different planets and all...I can't wait to see more of this!
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Ria-DeVrai In reply to BellaStella88 [2004-10-01 03:20:05 +0000 UTC]
haha. Gotta love those inspirational dreams, huh? Thank ya muchly.
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WindShaman [2004-09-29 17:41:49 +0000 UTC]
DragonLily is right, you do have a gift for drawing people into your stories. And your work is very professional also. Excellent! I give an A for effort and A for Accomplishment, and good work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
DragonLily4 [2004-09-27 13:37:36 +0000 UTC]
wow....you have an amazing talent for drawing people into your stories! I wish there were more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ria-DeVrai In reply to DragonLily4 [2004-09-28 02:19:39 +0000 UTC]
I'm writing more, I just have very little time considering my class schedule this year. It's insane. But thank you!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
DragonLily4 In reply to Ria-DeVrai [2004-09-30 01:04:17 +0000 UTC]
yeah...classes...sorry hun...can't wait though!
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